Double Take- Mindy and Libby

amother

Stone

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 11:32 pm

Lovable wrote:

From one mother to another it is NOT considered cruel behavior
If Mindys mom can just stand by and watch her daughters behavior toward Libby - or lack thereof - then Libbys mom has every right to do anything she can to protect her daughter, whenever possible
Its was never possible! not in school and not between the family
So when this opportunity arose, she grabbed it t make sure to keep her daughter safe from this nasty cousin - albeit unintentionally nasty, nasty nonetheless.

How is Mindy being nasty? She’s just living her own life.
She isn’t taking anything away from Libby, and if Libby’s mother wouldn’t always be pushing it, Libby would be okay with who she is.

Lovable

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 11:35 pm

amother Calendula wrote:

The word 'mother' doesn't change up anything - since you're lashing out on the kid, not the mother. Furthermore, Mindy is not doing anything wrong. She's being a typical teen. Why is it Mindy's or her mother's responsibility to help Libby with her social standings. Yes, it would be nice if they can help. But there isn't any obligation on them to help.

Additionally, I don't think Mindy and Libby would be getting along well either. They have opposite natures, one is an extrovert and one is an introvert. I don't see them connecting in a way that wouldn't be forced and would merely be tolerated by both. Moreover, Mindy is not being nasty in any way. She's living her own life, and doing her own thing. The fact that it doesn't include Libby isn't nasty by any definition. It's not upon a 13 year old girl to try to fix a problem of another 13 year old girl. Again, it would be nice if she's able to help, but not all 13 year olds have the awareness or the capabilities to do it.

Libby's mother is simply lashing out because she doesn't have much tools to help her own daughter with. So she's projecting blame on those who are around Libby. To take out her frustration on a young kid, is wrong on all accounts.

I dont know what your definition of being nasty is
but are you aware that a person can be nasty just be being 'themselves' and acting 'normal'?
That does not justify their behavior!
Mindy is being nasty
I will say it once again
Mindy is being nasty
Libbys mother never steps in! Not at family events, not in school. She has great tools to help her daughter cope with this difficult cousin - she is actually doing a great job! But when the opportunity arose for her to use her power to keep this cousin out of the picture entirely, she made use of that power.
Nothing wrong with that sorry
poor poor libby will need to look for another camp to go to - poor her! withjout her BEST friends! just with her plain friends (sarcasm alert)

Lovable

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 11:39 pm

amother Stone wrote:

How is Mindy being nasty? She’s just living her own life.
She isn’t taking anything away from Libby, and if Libby’s mother wouldn’t always be pushing it, Libby would be okay with who she is.

She is being nasty. how? By living her OWN life
Without making an extra effort to include her cousin
How hard is that?? She is Miss popular!!
As a teen I was neither Mindy nor Libby. I was somewhere in between. And I cannot imagine how I would feel if the Mindy in my class were to be my first cousin. How horrible. how utterly disgusting

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 11:40 pm

Both mothers are wrong in their approaches to their daughters. Mindy's mother should at least have acknowledged the awkwardness, for example, when asking about the camp- she was too caught up in her own stuff. But Libby's mother made the biggest wrong move. She should have let the admissions go as they went, and if Mindy got taken, called the camp director and explained the dynamics without blame and have them be aware and give the bunk an experienced counselor and maybe put Libby in a leadership role or whatever wpuld have been helpful.

Having an entire chevrah of girls not taken because of this, especially when one is related to a veteran who has enough clout to make a call for her, is a good way to kill the social dynamic from then on in school.

amother

Calendula

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 11:41 pm

Lovable wrote:

Very very wrong to destroy someone else's summer just because you want things to work out for your daughter. If you have to bring someone else down to prop up your daughter then that's always the wrong approach.

And a 13 year old kid living her own life is not being nasty. She's still a kid, with a teenage brain. It's much nastier for an adult with a fully formed mature brain to take out her frustration on any kid just because she's not meeting the adult's expectation.

amother

Calendula

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 11:43 pm

amother Dandelion wrote:

This. She could have found ways to empower her own daughter instead of using her power to bring down the other girl.

amother

Calendula

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 11:44 pm

Lovable wrote:

That's what 13 year old girls do - live their own life. They're still kids and have lots to learn. That doesn't mean an adult should use their power to hurt them.

Lovable

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:06 am

amother Calendula wrote:

That's what 13 year old girls do - live their own life. They're still kids and have lots to learn. That doesn't mean an adult should use their power to hurt them.

why are you making 13 year olds sound like babies with no responsibilities? pathetic
Still kids and have lots to learn does not equal babies with no responsibilities or basic middos

Lovable

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:09 am

amother Calendula wrote:

This. She could have found ways to empower her own daughter instead of using her power to bring down the other girl.

She found ways to empower her daughter in every other situation. For the camp issue, she decided to take a different approach, one that would ensure her daughters summer was not ruined.
Cant you read between the lines? Her daughter was a successful social child in an environment where her cousin was not present
does that not say something? does that not prove anything??

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:10 am

amother Daffodil wrote:

Mindy was the big deal in her class. It wouldn't have hurt her to be a little nicer to a cousin that has an issue with social needs. It s not her responsibility but those girls set the tone in the classroom and if she would have stretched herself a bit out of her comfort zone, she could have made a major difference in how the rest of the classmates interacted with Lubby, making a tremendous difference in her life.

Having said that, what Libbys mother did was not OK.

Another point, Mindy did not go through difficult times because her mother lost a baby and won't have more. This is the mother totally projecting her pain on her daughter. This was not a legit excuse

but Mindy lost her sister...it's hard to grow up without sisters (I don't have any sisters- maybe I'm projecting that lol)
and it sounds like it was a late loss and Mindy already knew about it - so it was a trauma for her as well....

amother

Valerian

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:16 am

Finally read this.

Wow. Look how far jealousy can go to make someone act with such rishus.

Calling to have someone not accepted because they might be social competition for your daughter,- but who has never been mean or hurtful. What if they take, and they likely will take, some other socially talented girl? And who's to say that one will be nice?

The whole stillborn sister scenario is just tear jerking and unnecessary. She still doesn't deserve to be treated this way without that.

By her aunt no less.

Who KNOWS about the stillborn.

Ah, what jealousy can make someone do.

amother

Calendula

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:18 am

Lovable wrote:

No, not at all. It just says that her daughter was successful in a place where she was able to explore her talents, in a place where the activities were tailored to her abilities. To me that says that Libby's mothers needs to do some research and find such activities and workshops for the other ten months of the year.

It doesn't say anything about Mindy. Who says they would have even interacted much in camp. Mindy could have gone off exploring her own talents, and Libby could have continued to explore hers. The previous suggestion where to put Libby in a leadership role would have done wonders for hers, and provided her with even more room for growth. Plus you never know if interacting with Mindy with specific activities would have provided the two a means to connect with. Right now the two have nothing in common, so they have nothing to bond with. If they find a common interest, that would have provided a means with what to bond with.

The mother is projecting her frustration on a 13 year old girl, just because she happens to be her niece. Why is she not projecting similar frustration to the rest of the friends in that group. Her niece is an easy target, just because she happens to be family. Libby's mother is rationalizing her behavior by placing the expectations upon Mindy just because she is family.

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:26 am

Mindy should have extended herself to include her cousin in school and in family get togethers. And her mother should have encouraged her to do so if she didn’t realize it in her own. If Libby had a chance to shine in camp, I understand why her mother didn’t want that taken away from her. I think a lot of mothers would protect their daughters that way.

amother

Calendula

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:26 am

Lovable wrote:

why are you making 13 year olds sound like babies with no responsibilities? pathetic
Still kids and have lots to learn does not equal babies with no responsibilities or basic middos

Because she is still a kid. A kid going through puberty, with hormones raging through her body, who's trying to find her own place in the adult world. She doesn't have any responsibility towards helping another 13 year old find their social place. True, it would be nice if she'd reach out and try, but that doesn't mean its her responsibility or she is lacking middos. Nothing in that story painted Mindy as having bad middos or intentionally trying to avoid or hurt Libby. Each kid develops and grows at their own pace, and a 13 year old is very far from a finished product.

Libby's mother is an adult though, who should be fully mature and level-headed. Even if an adult believes that a kid should be acting differently, it is wrong for that adult to take her down just because she wants to prop her own daughter up.

amother

Calendula

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:30 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

Honestly, no. Lots of mothers wouldn't do this to someone else's kids. They would try to find ways to make their own daughters shine, but they wouldn't take an underhand route and try to mess with another kid's life.

It was wrong and unprofessional from the camp director as well. She had a responsibility to treat Mindy fairly as well, and totally wronged her. At the very least, she shouldn't have accepted Mindy's friend and leave Mindy all alone, separated from her friends for the entire summer.

amother

Stone

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:37 am

Lovable wrote:

Just because she is popular it doesn’t make it any easier.
It isn’t her fault they are related by blood.
This is asking above and beyond from a 13 yr old.

It doesn’t even sound like Libby is interested in Mindy.
It’s all about the moms forcing down a relationship that would never work.

You can’t manipulate friendships.
Libby’s mom should have found another solution for her problem.
Her niece shouldn’t be a scapegoat, just cuz she happens to cross her path.

amother

Stone

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 12:39 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

Nowhere does she say that Mindy being in camp will hinder Libby in any way.
She just can’t handle that her daughter is different than her cousin.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 8:16 am

As a parent of a charismatic child I don't brook 'but their not my type'. Granted my child is younger (you have to start when they are young), but if I have a child call up and really want to spend time with my popular child, I will try so hard to make it work. If I can I'll try do something extra special with them to make it more appealing

But as parents we have responsibility to not have our heads in the sand. Yes Mindy is a child and not 'responsible' but as parents we can be alert to our children and teach them to be inclusive

That's not to say Libby's mother was right for meddling to such a degree.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 8:38 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

So true!!!!!

amother

Gray

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 10:13 am

amother Stonewash wrote:

Sorry no
While her mom wants to give her tlc this is really not relevant beyond that
As well as makes a painful loss into a whole weird over the top story about her not having a sister etc
If you want to help your kid model and make it a teachable moment about how we handle things appreciate what we have etc