Double Take- Mindy and Libby

amother

Gray

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 10:17 am

Lots to unpack here
But definitely off for director to accept everyone from the school and group except for one person for no apparent reason all the more so off!
B”H she has friends going to the other camps and can join in
That said even if a girl is popular thst is not a license to hurt her
Maybe the director could’ve stepped in and if nothing else said they were limited on spaces and since she had heard this girl could make it anywhere and had friends joining other camps she made a judgement call and they’re sorry they couldn’t take her especially since she sounds like such an amazing girl
And leave it on a more positive note
It doesn’t have to be a zero sun game in which one or the other of the girls is the winner/loser

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 10:36 am

amother Calendula wrote:

Regardless, you don't build your own child up by hurting another child. That is never ok. Libby's mother was wrong on all accounts. Instead of trying to control Libby's environment, she should have gotten her daughter help. Libby needs to learn the social skills needed to navigate life.

Furthermore, every child has their own package. No one has everything. It isn't up to any other person to decide that it's ok to take away something from someone else's child.

I was Libby, but with social anxiety. I went to camp to get away from a situation at home in 7th grade and I felt amazing for the first time in a while. The next year I went back but with a classmate that hated me, and I was miserable. She couldn’t understand why anyone liked me and said so. I never went back to that camp, I was so sad. The next year I went to a teen camp that was larger and also had 2 classmates with me. I spent a lot of time avoiding them, but gradually realized that they weren’t about to do the same. My mother would never have done what Libby’s mother had done. I would have lost out because my cousin wanted to go to camp and therefore she would have made me either suck it up or go to a different one. I feel bad for Libby. There’s no good answers.

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 11:42 am

amother Stone wrote:

How is Mindy being nasty? She’s just living her own life.
She isn’t taking anything away from Libby, and if Libby’s mother wouldn’t always be pushing it, Libby would be okay with who she is.

and if Mindy's mother wouldn't be such a jerk neither would Mindy. Always being in the spot light and a drama queen is not the best middos. Libby sounds like an amazing girl paired with an unfortunately not such nice cousin who doesn't give a flip about her own family memeber

Chaya123

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 11:46 am

My opinion:
While I definitely felt for Libby, I still think her mother was wrong. As hurtful and painful as it is, you can't sabotage another girl's summer for your own daughter's sake. There are parents who do this with school acceptance also, calling the school owner and speaking negatively about another child they're considering accepting. I remember reading an article about this as well. Parents have to realize there's only so much we can control and there have to be other options other than badmouthing another child, such as either finding another camp, empowering one's own child to manage somehow, or maybe contacting the director after the acceptance to give a heads up and ask for another bunk or extra special supervision etc.

#BestBubby

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 2:00 pm

amother Calendula wrote:

Libby's mother is simply lashing out because she doesn't have much tools to help her own daughter with. So she's projecting blame on those who are around Libby. To take out her frustration on a young kid, is wrong on all accounts.

Libbys mother is only looking to protect Libby.

Libbys mother did not lash out on mindy!

Had the director told Mindy and her friends

that they didn't openings for new campers,

Mindy and her friends would go to other talent camp

everybody would have been Happy

Mindy and her mother were hurt because

director accepted mindys friends but excluded mindy! That is the whole problem

amother

Gray

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 2:12 pm

Is this supposed to be a true story? Doesn’t seem like it for many reasons including one bunk but accepting a group of newcomers? You would usually have to open another bunk…tho that’s the least of it
And her camp closed but wants to go to her cousins camp etc
And only one class at school (of course does exist)
Just sounds contrived even on the relationship levels

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 2:26 pm

I had strong enough feelings to write into the mishpacha:

I’m writing about last week’s Double Take because I’m starting to get tired of society viewing introversion as a disadvantage, while extroversion is looked at as praiseworthy.
The description of the 2 cousins uses words such as “bubbly" and “outgoing” for the extroverted cousin and “shy", "socially-challenged" for the introvert.
Why is Libby’s mom, Sheva, so intent on pushing her daughter to be something she is not? What’s wrong with being quiet and thoughtful? Is Sheva sure that her daughter wants a gaggle of friends or is it perhaps Sheva who wants that for her? Hashem created both types of personality traits - shouldn’t we appreciate the qualities and advantages of both?
It seems to be socially acceptable to tell introverts “you should go out more, be more sociable”. How would extroverts like to hear “you should be quiet and reflective more…read a book. I can give some tips on that.”?

#BestBubby

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 2:40 pm

amother Vanilla wrote:

Libby IS lonely since her best friend moved away.

Libbys mother is NOT trying to make her an extrovert - just encouraged her to find another friend.

Libby has friends at camp - her mother wants to protect that.

Libbys mother not trying to make her an extrovert.

amother

Poppy

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 6:21 pm

Do you know how difficult it is to constantly constantly try to make conversation with your cousin who might be simply introverted or maybe she's just not interested in you? You know that she's not socially off because she has her own friends and manages to talk to them with no problem. But when it comes to you, she doesn't seem to be trying, so you just jibber jabber, trying to fill the silence and end up feeling like such an airhead. And you can't help feeling that your mature, intelligent cousin is not so secretly looking down at you and your silly, boring conversations.

amother

Stone

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 9:36 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Mindy doesn’t take away Libby’s friends.
Being that Libby already has friends in camp, what is the worry?

amother

Stone

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 9:40 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I think,

When the camp friends see Mindy and her clique snubbing Libby

they may also start looking down on her.

Mindy isn’t snubbing her.
She just happens to be more popular and makes friends easily.

Even Libby’s mother says that Mindy did not do anything wrong.

I had a cousin in my bunk too.
We were so different and had no connection.
Whenever we told anyone that we were cousins, they didn’t believe it.

We just loved our own lives. Me with my 2-3 friends, and she loud and all over the place.

It was just fine.
I hated when our parents would try to make us be friends.

farm

Tue, Jan 03 2023, 12:25 am

It’s so funny how we can all read the same story but darshan differently. And I love how it’s fiction so not LH to analyze and debate it.
My understanding was that Libby’s mother was way over estimating Mindy and her mother’s grasp of the situation. Libby’s mother thought it was obvious that Libby is lonely with her best friend gone and needs a boost and a chevra to hang with. But Mindy thinks Libby is aloof and maybe even looks down at her for her frivolous conversations and interests while Libby is so much more mature and making better use of her free time reading and studying. Mindy and her mother don’t think Libby is interested.
I once heard Rabbi Bender talking about parents making requests for certain Rebbes for their kids, or for them to be in a certain class with certain kids. He said he would always try to satisfy as much as possible. But as soon as the parent says ‘don’t put x in the class’ then he is not listening. You can ask for your own kid, but don’t you dare start interfering with another child’s placement.
I guess in real life, Libby’s mother should have told her sister in law how lonely Libby is during the school year and how she falls asleep crying into her pillow. Mindy’s mother could have answered that she would love to help but how? Libby is sending out a clear message that she’s above Mindy and her chevra. And Mindy is truly too young to be expected to carry the burden of somehow replacing Libby’s best friend since kindergarten who moved away.
And a final thought- I would think that as long as Mindy really is as clueless to her cousin’s loneliness and desire to have a chevra as she claims to be(and is not really a cruel queen bee purposely snubbing and putting down her nebby cousin), seeing Libby popular and talented and successful in camp would only serve to improve the situation all year round as Mindy will now have a new view of her serious mature cousin who really is a fun loving and sociable teen just like her!