Dont want to hear cursing

amother

Fri, Jan 06 2023, 6:19 am

DH invited for shab his friend who tends to curse a lot. How do I say in a nice way- funny way please watch your language in my house. And what do I say when he messes up and uses a curse word? Its like every other word is a curse word.

Rubber Ducky

Fri, Jan 06 2023, 6:23 am

That would be be unacceptable in my home. I don't like to hear that kind of language, and for sure I would not want my children learning these new vocabulary words.

Can your husband speak to him about it?

happy chick

Fri, Jan 06 2023, 6:33 am

If you have kids, I would make it a "strike-one-and-you're-out" policy.

If not applicable, I would say, we are trying to keep a kosher home and that includes language. If he slips, give him a look that could kill. If you're unaware of how to do that, we could meet for ice cream and I'll give you a crash course.

Keep giving him a look as many times as you need to until he's the one who feels uncomfortable and will either start watching his mouth or just not come again.

amother

Red

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 3:04 pm

I wouldn't allow such a person into my home. I take my chinuch seriously and anyhow I myself wouldn't want to hear this cursing.

OP, please speak to your kids. Because silence is consent and if you remain silent, your kids will think you are okay with cursing. That's the last thing you want. They could even end up using such words at school (I have heard of this happening)

Your kids must know that the words this guy is using are wrong and bad

I hope they then won't wonder why your DH is friends with a guy who uses bad language.
Parents are an example. You want them to see that their parents have made good choices of who their friends are and that they are people who use eidel and clean language.

amother

Electricblue

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 4:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Where’s his wife in this? Or does he have one?

amother

Cobalt

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 4:36 pm

No advice.

My own father occasionally curses around my kids and I find it disgusting.

I hated when he cursed around me when I was a kid too. I knew kids were supposed to be "protected" from bad language and felt very hurt that instead of protecting me, my father was the one exposing me.

If you guessed, this was not the only problem I had with my parents. I remember being about 11 and my dad driving us over a flooded bridge. My mom pleaded with him not to saying "we could be washed into the river and the kids could all drown", but despite that she didn't insist we all get out of the car, so thanks for nothing mom, you worried and got us all terrified but in the end you did nothing to protect us either.

amother

Cerise

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 4:39 pm

I never again hosted my divorced sister in law where every other word was a curse word. She knew she did wrong she thought it was funny and apologized with an oopsy. I never hosted her again in my home. So disrespectful.

amother

Thistle

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 4:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

My dh has a friend from HS who is the same way. It's vulgar.
He's completely OTD. For years, my dh tried to keep in touch but when my kids got to around 3 y/o, my dh cut the connection unless they bump into each other.
This behavior has no place in our home which we strive to have kedusha. Despite repeated firm requests for clean language, he would just laugh and ignore.
Interestingly, this friend told my dh recently that another friend (who is not super frum but is shomer shabbos) wife banned him from their home and doesn't like him because of his language.
Very sad.

amother

Canary

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:01 pm

If my guests that I’m friendly with speak a way I’m not comfortable with, I’ll say whoa language.. I try to make it light and funny .. we laugh, they say sorry n r mindful of it after that..
If it continued to be an issue I would explain that im not comfortable with such words being spoken in front of my kids. If a guest can’t respect that I wouldn’t have them over again.

amother

Salmon

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

My husband has a friend like that, and we argue every time my husband tells me he’s coming. He says “no one else will have him” and I say “there’s a reason for that, why do I have to be the only one to say yes?” Whenever anyone in my house uses language I don’t like, I say “hey, there’s kids here!”

amother

Hyssop

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 12:10 am

amother Salmon wrote:

Sorry, but why does your husband "tell you" that someone is coming, especially someone you are not comfortable with? Either you both agree to host someone, or no hosting. Are you r preferences not taken into consideration here?

I almost didn't post this because I didn't want to derail OPs thread, but then I realized that this is indirectly also relevant to OP. If you are not comfortable with this friends language, and I totally get that, why host him? First, make sure he knows how you feel and set firm boundaries. One time of bad language in front of me (let alone my kids! But I am also entitled not to be disrespected with bad language in my own home) - and that would be the last time he was invited.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 2:29 am

amother Hyssop wrote:

Sorry, but don’t make my husband out to be a jerk. This is the way our house operates. BH we have an open house, and very often one of us will get a call or text, and tell the other one someone is coming. We very rarely have this guy over specifically because I am not happy about it. We very rarely say no to people, but this is one of the few people that we say no to sometimes.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Jan 10 2023, 6:51 am

I once asked a shaila about this. I was told to tell our guest that this is our mikdash mi'at and we will absolutely not allow people to come and dirty it with foul language. They have the choice to speak nicely or leave.