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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

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Kiwi13

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 11:09 pm

Please list all ideas you have of affordable and welcoming communities for a single mother with 3 kids. Two have special needs that might not be able to be accommodated by a Jewish school.

I have significant medical challenges and currently don’t drive, although I hope that will change in the near future. I have no money and no job right now, but I’m excellent at what I do (writing and editing) and intend to freelance from home as I did prior to my Aliyah attempt.

Please tell me how much I would need to budget for rent or how much a small house would go for, if you can. I’m going to assume that unless the area has school vouchers, I’m sending to public school. I really have no money, and I need to prioritize housing.

amother

Oldlace

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 11:37 pm

Is this for you? I’m so sorry Sad

Cleveland has vouchers and affordable housing

amother

Yellow

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 11:39 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

Is this for you? I’m so sorry Sad

Cleveland has vouchers and affordable housing

I was thinking about Cleveland also but iirc you've lived in Cleveland? So I assume that's already on your radar

amother

Gold

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 11:39 pm

Hi,

I'm divorced with 3 kids, and I've written on another thread, when I was single (until 27) I really felt like I didn't fit in any religious community, even though peoplr were nice. Divorced with kids, I have NEVER felt like I DON'T fit in any MO community because I just instantly fit in with the "mom group".

You don't say if you're MO, Yeshivish, Chassidish, etc.

If you're MO, then my advice is to pick a place based on your other needs (education, parnassa, gov aim, weather even) and not worry about fitting in. You bring your kids to the shul events for kids, I guarantee you'll fit in.

amother

Yolk

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:05 am

The problem is that places with cheap rentals mostly have bad public schools (Detroit, Cleveland, Rochester, Waterbury, Cincinnati, Columbus...)

NYC you can probably get your kids into a Jewish private school for minimal tuition or even free if it's an unscrupulous school. You'd also get lots of benefits but rent is tough. You can try to live right outside of a Jewish community, walking distance but not so desired, and find a cheaper rental. People don't like to rent tho to people without income verification.

So I get prioritizing housing bc it's the biggest expense but keep in mind the public school district quality. You may want to compromise

Also think about public transportation. Some of the cheaper areas don't have accessible public transportation near the Jewish areas.

Last comment in favor of ny- they literally place people in hotels if they're assigned to a shelter. If you really need, you can get free housing at least to start. There's also a public housing development that has frum people if you apply for NYCHA housing. And you can get free meals from masbia, vouchers for a Brooklyn clothing shop from sister to sister, there's a beautiful children's shows gemach, and lots of free entertainment options and camps (city run, not religiously affiliated) in the summer.

NYC is a great place for the poor.

Kiwi13

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:08 am

I don’t know what I am anymore. For now assume MO. I’ve been through hell. I live in hell. Also currently in Cleveland but I don’t think it’s right. Need more ideas. What’s the cheapest house or apartment I could get in Chicago? Is south bend still recruiting? Do they have good medical care and disability services and special Ed?

I need to figure out my life from scratch. I’m in such shock and trauma I can’t even express it. It’s too horrible.

Kiwi13

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:11 am

NYC scares the living daylights out of me. No offense to all who live there, but it would be like moving to Mars. I have no clue how to manage life in a big city. Certainly not alone. I don’t know anyone there.

NechaMom

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:15 am

Kiwi13 wrote:

Do you have family who can support you emotionally?
Or close friends? I’d be afraid for you to start again in nomansland all alone without IRL support close by. What happens if you need medical care? Who will take care of your kids?
I’m truly sorry about your situation!

amother

Bisque

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:18 am

I’m so sorry about what you’re going through.
I live in chicago and rent/housing has gotten expensive here. You don’t get much bang for your buck (for example a small old 3 bedroom house is 500k ish)
I think south bend or Milwaukee have cheaper housing and the communities are smaller so easier to get to know people, but I don’t know what the school situation is- hopefully someone here can respond on that.
Wishing you hatzalacha

Kiwi13

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:19 am

NechaMom wrote:

I can’t answer these questions publicly but you’re right they’re big problem factors. I’m having trouble believing anything will ever be okay again.

amother

Pistachio

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:19 am

Kiwi you are such a good person who has been through way too much. I’m so sad for you. I haven’t spoken to God in a while but I just did now to ask Him to help you reach a point where you feel calm, safe and settled. I hope He listens.

Side note, your music has been so encouraging to me in times of pain. Thank you for sharing it with the world.

NechaMom

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:21 am

Kiwi13 wrote:

I can’t answer these questions publicly but you’re right they’re big problem factors. I’m having trouble believing anything will ever be okay again.

I’m so sorry! Crying

Kiwi13

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 12:21 am

amother Pistachio wrote:

Those are much better than MY prayers, which would be censored by the imafilter.

Thank you for asking God to help me.

gande

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 1:24 am

I am thinking NYC might be a good idea. You can rent a basement/small apartment in flatbush/ Marine park for abt $1,500. The neighborhood is considered quiet for NYC
Pros:
- Walking distance to shopping
-Special Ed school and services
-Community organizations
-Medicaid is the best insurance. Access to top drs in manhattan (and paid transportation to get there).
-Job opportunities

Good Luck!

amother

Vanilla

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 1:34 am

Kiwi13 wrote:

I Just noticed this post. I live here all my life Its totally not scary. I love the convienience of everything at your fingertip. I love walking on sidewalks and getting fresh air. My mental health would be worse in out of town.

FYI You stay in your neighborhood most of the time. Flatbush looks like the suburbs. It’s sunny and serene.

Maybe you can come for a visit/trip and see what it is like. I think it’s easier to manage on your own in a city. Besides the fact that NYC is the best place to be poor because many people walking on the street are also.

amother

Black

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 2:02 am

I literally just skimmed through your book before you posted this...

Hugs! You've been through so much in your life!!
I agree with NY (think Flatbush/Marine Park area, personally not familiar with cost of living and other necessities in crown heights...)

Maybe start a GoFundMe page and other imas can help you out financially if Yael let's you share?

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 5:00 am

I live in highland park,nj. We have a great public school system, and yeshivas who will work with you financially (although there's no Jewish special Ed framework). There are 2 bedroom apartments in town for I think around 2k a month. And the town prides itself on it's walkability.

ETA we have 2 or 3 excellent hospitals within a 10-15 min drive

Mayflower

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 5:12 am

Kiwi, I don't post much but I've read about your journey and your struggles and I just wanted to say I am so so sorry that you are in such a bad place right now. I too am praying for you that Hashem should help you through this and lighten your burden. You are a beautiful soul and deserve to find peace.

(I don't have any practical suggestions since I'm not in the US)

amother

Gold

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 5:41 am

I don't know anything about you, so maybe you mentioned it somewhere else, but:

Are you sure you will get full custody of the kids and be able to move them? First off, you might get stuck in a certain city until the divorce is finalized, which can easily be over a year, especially if the man TRIES to drag it out.

Second, if he gets partial custody or even visitation, he may be able to make it where you can't move.

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 5:41 am

I don't have any suggestions because I'm not in the US, but I do think that living near anyone who might be a source of support will be very important. I know you are very strong, but everyone needs real life helpers sometimes. If it's possible to move near any kind of support system, that would be your best bet.

Day by day, day by day.

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