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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

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amother

Milk

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 6:15 am

Definitely Definitely nyc the best resources for special needs much more available and funds for helping people who are struggling financially really try going to different brooklyn communities I think marine park, Midwood area has section 8 housing so much to offer anyone with special needs children says it doesn't pay for them to move out of Queens or brooklyn 😀

Try going there to see kew gardens hills or Midwood brooklyn

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 6:31 am

So sorry!
Would look at every community I have at least one family or friend living in to get the inside scoop and introduction — I would consider staying wherever I am for a while maybe a year as more change could presumably be more challenging
Wishing you Shefa brochos! And your yeshua k’heref ayin!

amother

Lily

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 6:42 am

amother Gold wrote:

I don't know anything about you, so maybe you mentioned it somewhere else, but:

Are you sure you will get full custody of the kids and be able to move them? First off, you might get stuck in a certain city until the divorce is finalized, which can easily be over a year, especially if the man TRIES to drag it out.

Second, if he gets partial custody or even visitation, he may be able to make it where you can't move.

This was going to be my post.

Most divorced women I know don't have the luxury of choice when it comes to community. They're stuck within a short radius of the district they divorced in due to their custody agreement. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. In a good divorce, regular visitation is time to rest, to work, to regroup for mom. Where is your husband/ex on all this? Are you divorcing in Israel or the states?

Assuming though that you can choose anywhere, I would prioritize your own mental health. I think your kids with thrive most where you're most stable. Do you have family, close friends? People who can help you with the kids, with (even temporarily) housing, with food? I believe you'll get your independence back, but right now I'd go where there are loved ones to lean on.

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 6:48 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I live in highland park,nj. We have a great public school system, and yeshivas who will work with you financially (although there's no Jewish special Ed framework). There are 2 bedroom apartments in town for I think around 2k a month. And the town prides itself on it's walkability.

ETA we have 2 or 3 excellent hospitals within a 10-15 min drive

I live in hp also. The public school system is pretty good here. The yeshivas do not have special ed resources please let me know if you want more info I will pm you

amother

Hyssop

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 7:21 am

Another vote for Brooklyn you cannot get resources like this anywhere. And these days it’s kind of like oot lol. But other posters are right. It’s prob best to be where you have support. Kids will do ok anywhere if their mom is doing ok.

mamabird73

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 7:31 am

Kiwi, my heart breaks for you! You've been through so much already and now this. Ad mosei! Just wanted to mention that I grew up in a very suburban neighborhood and moved to Brooklyn for a few years. Although it was an adjustment at the beginning, it was not as scary and overwhelming as I thought it would be. They have great services, organizations, conveniences and community resources. Wishing you hatzlacha and davening Hashem should give you the strength to overcome this challenge.

amother

Purple

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 8:22 am

Whatever happens you want to make sure that you’re living in a neighborhood with lots of frum neighbors. You need the support if you are alone. Your kids need friends close by to play with.
Maybe an apartment building with many frum families?
I know people with special needs children who live in Brooklyn, Lakewood and Philadelphia. There will be schools for your children in many places.
Most important, you need the support of a caring community.
Could it be that your family is also in shock like you are but will eventually come around? If you think you could count on your family there is nothing better than living near relatives who know you and your kids and will look out for you.
One day at a time right now… don’t do anything drastic. IyH things will fall into place soon.

amother

Dandelion

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 8:54 am

amother Yolk wrote:

The problem is that places with cheap rentals mostly have bad public schools (Detroit, Cleveland, Rochester, Waterbury, Cincinnati, Columbus...)

NYC you can probably get your kids into a Jewish private school for minimal tuition or even free if it's an unscrupulous school. You'd also get lots of benefits but rent is tough. You can try to live right outside of a Jewish community, walking distance but not so desired, and find a cheaper rental. People don't like to rent tho to people without income verification.

So I get prioritizing housing bc it's the biggest expense but keep in mind the public school district quality. You may want to compromise

Also think about public transportation. Some of the cheaper areas don't have accessible public transportation near the Jewish areas.

Last comment in favor of ny- they literally place people in hotels if they're assigned to a shelter. If you really need, you can get free housing at least to start. There's also a public housing development that has frum people if you apply for NYCHA housing. And you can get free meals from masbia, vouchers for a Brooklyn clothing shop from sister to sister, there's a beautiful children's shows gemach, and lots of free entertainment options and camps (city run, not religiously affiliated) in the summer.

NYC is a great place for the poor.

second this. schools really helps out. (NYC here) and you will definitely not feel out of place. in our shul everyone feels part of things- divorced moms, single-by-choice moms- just bring your kids to the groups and you're good. in a situation like this I would NEVER move to a community where people on judged based on their family situations...not naming any communities outright but id aim for the diversity of nyc any day

Kiwi13

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:32 am

But doesn’t NYC differentiate very much by which neighborhood you’re in within it? I wouldn’t know the first thing about where to move. And again, I repeat, I know NOBODY there.

amother

Yolk

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:35 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

And there are Jewish sped schools that the city often reimbursed for. Many of the schools don't require much tuition upfront, if any.

Kiwi yes it varies by neighborhood but if u decide you want to explore the idea, ppl here could guide you.

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:38 am

OP I don't have advice for you. Just so sad, and heartbroken for you. I also asked Hashem to help you and be there for you in this turmoil.

amother

Dandelion

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:41 am

As far as schools, look into Shefa school in nyc

Sebastian

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:44 am

Kiwi I also think you should take hard look at nyc, housing may be a bit higher but your kids will likely be in frum schools, youll have access to good dr etc and it is a very good place to live for the poor or ppl with disabilities. That extra ssistance is so important

Kiwi13

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:45 am

I have NO money. Only debt. Not sure how I’ll afford to live anywhere, let alone one of the priciest markets in the country.

Kiwi13

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:45 am

Sorry to be so negative. I have never felt so alone in the world and so hopeless.

amother

Violet

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:48 am

I find that frum people in Brooklyn are friendlier than you would expect. You actually see your neighbors and have to be friendly and greet them. It's a more socially oriented place in general than the suburbs.

As far as neighborhood, ask! There are so many Brooklyn amothers who can tell you about each neighborhood.

So sorry you're in this situation. Sad

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:50 am

Can you set up a GoFundMe page of some sort? I have some maaser to give.

amother

Milk

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:53 am

Each block and building is like its own community lots of shuls, community events, funds for singles moms and events organizations etc...

amother

Purple

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 9:57 am

Do you get social security or ssi? If not you can probably apply.
Have you worked out child support yet?
You will likely have a small monthly income without working. Since the cost of living is so high these days you will probably have to supplement somehow.
But in a way I think you’re right. You want your kids to be settled and have a school to go to each day. If you don’t want to stay where you are now then you’re right. You do need to figure out where to live so they can go to school.
Maybe we can start a new thread.
Low cost apartments in a frum community with special Ed schools … or maybe people will respond here instead of just recommending an entire state. Op needs very specific recommendations. And she needs a supportive community. Not just a house to live in.

mha3484

Thu, Jan 12 2023, 10:29 am

I live in Chicago there are lots of single mothers here I am friends with a bunch. Its a really nice friendly community. A good blend of urban and suburban so you can do a lot by walking and use ubers for stuff thats father out. We also have really good hospitals here major medical centers.

Special ed is a mixed bag. I have friends that were happy with the public schools and friends that were not. It depends on your kids needs. There is also a new school called netivot which people are thrilled with but I dont know anything about tuition. https://www.netivotacademy.org/ Also there is a program called Reach that serves a lot of different issues with in the schools itself.

The chesed here is unreal.

Housing is hard but it depends on your living standards how big of a space you need etc.

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