Infant etiquette - events

amother

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:21 am

Is it socially acceptable to bring infants to frum events? I realize in the secular world this is a faux pas but I am a social person and enjoy school events like melava malkas etc.. up until what age is this acceptable if ever?

mha3484

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:27 am

School events like a melava malka I would leave the baby home, its loud, lots of strangers breathing on the baby and you are less likely to enjoy it if you bring the baby. To me bringing the baby would make it less fun for me. Same for most simchas you wont enjoy it with a little baby.

amother

Dahlia

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:27 am

I see people bringing small infants to stuff all the time. Those babies are still in the potato stage. Sleep a lot, not mobile. Nobody seems to mind.

The more a baby gets active and semi-mobile, the less acceptable I think it is to bring it to any event where other kids are understood not to be welcome.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:29 am

Doona stage babies can come anywhere. From then on it’s about knowing your crowd. School events, probably not.

amother

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:31 am

mha3484 wrote:

True I don't enjoy it as much but he nurses full time and it is a lot to leave him and all the other kids with a sitter. I brought him to a school function at around 8 weeks old and felt weird. I am more asking from a social aspect vs my enjoyment.

bsy

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:34 am

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn't bring a baby to, say, a dinner or school tea. But I did bring a newborn to PTA because I couldn't leave him home. I did not feel weird.

amother

Royalblue

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:35 am

The first year my babies come everywhere with me if it’s not a local event. I nurse exclusively and cannot leave them behind for more then 2-3 hours. If it’s local I would leave them but if I didn’t find a babysitter I would want to leave an infant with they come along with me.

amother

Cobalt

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:37 am

I think it's community/family dependent.
Also how well your baby behaves. If your baby behaves well, even if it's not so acceptable, nobody minds.
Also if your the type that cares what others think. I have a sister that takes her baby along everywhere till they are toddler age. It is very out of place sometimes, like that's the only baby. But she takes care of her baby and I don't think anyone minds it. She just has to have the confidence to do it if she feels it's right for her and her baby. I personally would rather stay home if I can't find sitter that works for me.

amother

Begonia

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:39 am

It depends on your social circle & type of event. In my family there are lots of babies & we'd rather have mom & baby join than mom missing out. We're very understanding of how difficult it can be to find childcare.

amother

Crocus

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:40 am

Socially I think it depends a lot on an 'in town' vs OOT.
In town you leave your baby home from all school functions,weddings vorts etc
OOT its more acceptable to bring your baby just about anywhere as long as they are quiet and stay in a carriage/carrier.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:43 am

If it's the kind of event that involves speeches like a dinner, not a good idea. Better to just skip it. But if it's more of a milling around and socializing thing, I think it's fine, especially for a baby that isn't really mobile yet.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:46 am

amother Crocus wrote:

I think it’s more about the family than in town/oot. I’m in Lakewood and all family simchas (including lchaims, vorts, weddings, sheva brachas, etc) are FULL of kids from newborn and up

amother

Azure

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:47 am

Under 6 months, especially a nursing baby I think most events would be acceptable (obviously if you are cognizant of what's going on and don't let the baby bother others- if there are speeches or chuppah for ex and baby is fussing you'll have to take them out of the room)
Obviously there are some situations where it would not be appropriate and then better not to go than bring baby

amother

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:49 am

bsy wrote:

I wouldn't bring a baby to, say, a dinner or school tea. But I did bring a newborn to PTA because I couldn't leave him home. I did not feel weird.

O yes at PTA would certainly bring baby because I don't want to be there either Smile

. More asking for like a nshei event/chinese auction or something where people pay to attend and socialize. Yes, baby is in "DOONA" stage and immobile.

amother

Ultramarine

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:49 am

amother Crocus wrote:

What does OOT and in town mean?

I live in Lakewood NJ and I always see people bring their babies to school function, weddings, vorts, ect..

mha3484

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 8:58 am

I live OOT I find that parent orientation and teacher conferences you see plenty of babies no one bats an eyelash anything more low key. But a dinner or melava malka its overstimulating and loud and germy so I see far far fewer babies.

Vorts and weddings depends on how close you are to the baaeli simcha and the crowdedness and noise level its not one size fits all.

amother

Saddlebrown

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 9:19 am

I haven't really seen babies at school functions or formal events. But people do bring newborns to PTA.

amother

Mimosa

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 10:21 am

amother Blonde wrote:

I think it’s more about the family than in town/oot. I’m in Lakewood and all family simchas (including lchaims, vorts, weddings, sheva brachas, etc) are FULL of kids from newborn and up

I agree. I'm also in Lakewood and both of our families are from the tri-state area. My parents love when all the grandkids are at every simcha. My inlaws hate it. And because they brought their kids up like that, alot of them don't invite kids under bar/bas mitzva to their simchos.

amother

Snowflake

Fri, Jan 13 2023, 10:23 am

Newborns that are 4 months and younger go everywhere with me, doesn't matter how formal or informal. After that I usually get babysitting