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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Therapy Pls:I have an issue starting my baby out at a sitter
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 9:12 pm
So I really need to start my baby off with a sitter. She is about a year old now and hasn't been at
a babysitter for the past six months. So she'll cry and cry as she is not good with strangers, and I am so anxious about starting her out.
I feel I'm nuts cuz people do this all the time and easily and it just doesn't make sense but I am stuck stuck. Pls Help with some wise words to help me do what I need to.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 9:22 pm
It's very natural to be anxious. But you'll not be doing her any favors to let your anxiety get in the way of her separation.

Consider having a friend with you to help you walk away with a smile. It usually takes babies a few days of initial crying at drop-off, that doesn't last very long, then, they settle in to their new routine.

You can do this, and so can she!
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amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 9:34 pm
I’m the same way. So don’t send baby out. You aren’t doing her any favors by sending her out. I have a large family and they are all super independent and don’t have any anxiety leaving when they are older. It’s great for babies and toddlers to be with their mother. If you have to send out for work do your due diligence and find excellent childcare and nanny cam. When you see baby is well cared for you will calm down and be confident in her care.
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amother
Opal


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 9:50 pm
My baby is 8 months and a terrible stinker.
Last time I left her with a babysitter she saw I'm dressed up in my sheitel, then she saw the teen and kept moving her head and eyes from me to the teen. She had a look of horror and betrayal on her face. It was hysterical to see such a tiny kid with such deep emotions and understanding! I left. She started crying and then continued to cry for the entire duration. So I ended up coming back early.
The Teen is a very competent kid. She figured out my kid likes music She really is great with kids. She got her to calm down but she kept starting to cry again every 2 minutes. So we came home.

Recently I left her at a wedding hall with with other teens there as babysitters. Also very competent kids. There were 3 babies total. To 2 teens. My kid was so happy to the company her age. But then when I left she got upset. And cried and yelled. She was so upset. She klenches her little fists and yells. LOL then out of anger and frustration she forced herself to vomit. She did it twice! I figured she really wanted me there. I hung out there in that room till dancing was over.
She's a real strong character. And she was just really upset that mommy left her.

And it's ok! It's normal. Please don't leave your baby for the she of "teaching baby to be ok at babysitter"
Don't worry. Eventually she'll be ok with you leaving her behind.
This isn't my 1st child. Every one of my children were ok at a babysitter at different times/ages but qhen they were old enough to leave home they were all happily running to their busses/vans bh!
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:32 pm
Thing is I really want to work a bit.
I can see my baby crying straight through the entire duration too; sigh.
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amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:39 pm
amother OP wrote:
Thing is I really want to work a bit.
I can see my baby crying straight through the entire duration too; sigh.

Maybe wait until she is older. If she will cry the whole time she will be going through a trauma. If you can wait until a better stage it will be easier for you both.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:49 pm
amother Pistachio wrote:
Maybe wait until she is older. If she will cry the whole time she will be going through a trauma. If you can wait until a better stage it will be easier for you both.


Do you think so?
Compare that to what the first poster wrote. Doesn't everyone do that?
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amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:51 pm
amother OP wrote:
Do you think so?
Compare that to what the first poster wrote. Doesn't everyone do that?

Just because everyone does it doesn’t make it good or right. It’s much better for your baby to be with you. You aren’t doing her any favors by sending her out. If you need to send her out then it’s a different story. But if you don’t need to, you are giving her a precious gift of your presence which will be good for her emotional security for life.
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amother
Jade


 

Post Sat, Jan 14 2023, 10:53 pm
amother OP wrote:
Thing is I really want to work a bit.
I can see my baby crying straight through the entire duration too; sigh.


If you don't have to work, I think you should wait till the baby is a bit older and can start playgroup.
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amother
Banana


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 12:02 am
amother Pistachio wrote:
Maybe wait until she is older. If she will cry the whole time she will be going through a trauma. If you can wait until a better stage it will be easier for you both.


I’m sorry what evidence or medical background do you have to say that the child will be going through a trauma?? IT’S OK FOR A BABY TO CRY!
Honestly, if you need to work then find a babysitter you trust. Don’t make a big deal out of drop off and I imagine within a week your baby will be content saying goodbye and staying at the babysitters.
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amother
Snowflake


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 12:05 am
amother OP wrote:
So I really need to start my baby off with a sitter. She is about a year old now and hasn't been at
a babysitter for the past six months. So she'll cry and cry as she is not good with strangers, and I am so anxious about starting her out.
I feel I'm nuts cuz people do this all the time and easily and it just doesn't make sense but I am stuck stuck. Pls Help with some wise words to help me do what I need to.


This is normal Mom instincts, you don't need therapy, we need to change society. Why is it normal for a mom to be told "just get over it" about leaving her baby before she is ready?
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amother
Jade


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 12:11 am
amother Banana wrote:
I’m sorry what evidence or medical background do you have to say that the child will be going through a trauma?? IT’S OK FOR A BABY TO CRY!
Honestly, if you need to work then find a babysitter you trust. Don’t make a big deal out of drop off and I imagine within a week your baby will be content saying goodbye and staying at the babysitters.


She doesn't need to work, she wants to work. Which is why she should wait till baby is older. If it's not absolutely necessary for her to start working now, it's best for baby that she waits a bit.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 12:17 am
Maybe work on it in stages.
You can have the babysitter spend time in your home while you’re home for increasing amounts of time.
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amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 12:40 am
amother Banana wrote:
I’m sorry what evidence or medical background do you have to say that the child will be going through a trauma?? IT’S OK FOR A BABY TO CRY!
Honestly, if you need to work then find a babysitter you trust. Don’t make a big deal out of drop off and I imagine within a week your baby will be content saying goodbye and staying at the babysitters.

Why are you screaming? Do you leave your baby and feel guilty. Of course, it’s a trauma.
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amother
Banana


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 8:08 am
amother Pistachio wrote:
Why are you screaming? Do you leave your baby and feel guilty. Of course, it’s a trauma.


It’s perhaps difficult that doesn’t make it a trauma. It seems that everyone is always so hesitant to do what’s best for them or even their kids in fear of traumatizing them. Yes, it can be hard but we are not going to be going to therapy over it the rest of our lives to deal with it.
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amother
Zinnia


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 8:25 am
amother Banana wrote:
I’m sorry what evidence or medical background do you have to say that the child will be going through a trauma?? IT’S OK FOR A BABY TO CRY!
Honestly, if you need to work then find a babysitter you trust. Don’t make a big deal out of drop off and I imagine within a week your baby will be content saying goodbye and staying at the babysitters.


You (and OP) are more than welcome to do your own research and come to your own conclusions. You don't have to trust amother pistachio. But the research does show she is right.

Just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's right.

I work because I have to.

I don't feel comfortable leaving my child with unsafe ratios, and there are no childcare facilities with safe ratios/ nanny cams in my neighborhood and so I choose to have someone not Jewish in my home with a nanny cam.
But I do this because I have to work.

I try to make it as best as can be for my child.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 8:53 am
amother Banana wrote:
I’m sorry what evidence or medical background do you have to say that the child will be going through a trauma?? IT’S OK FOR A BABY TO CRY!
Honestly, if you need to work then find a babysitter you trust. Don’t make a big deal out of drop off and I imagine within a week your baby will be content saying goodbye and staying at the babysitters.


Letting a baby cry is not compared to dropping a baby off at a stranger and she cries it out for 3 days.
But then again, I don't let my babies "cry it out " at home either
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amother
Hydrangea


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 9:00 am
OP, I used to be a babysitter, and I often took "drop ins" or subbed for short periods of time when I first started out.

I assure you, if you have a good babysitter, kind, caring and skilled, they will not be traumatized. My babies did not cry for more than a day or two, ever. And it's not traumatizing. Please do check carefully into finding a good, caring babysitter that you can trust, but after that, it's very likely that not only will your baby adjust, he/she would thrive.

You can be fearful of the unknown, but once you have actually dropped off your baby and you both have get used to it, you may feel calmer. Feelings are not always a good barometer of how things will actually turn out.

I seriously dont get the babysitter phobia here.
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amother
Banana


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 9:03 am
amother Zinnia wrote:
You (and OP) are more than welcome to do your own research and come to your own conclusions. You don't have to trust amother pistachio. But the research does show she is right.

Just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's right.

I work because I have to.

I don't feel comfortable leaving my child with unsafe ratios, and there are no childcare facilities with safe ratios/ nanny cams in my neighborhood and so I choose to have someone not Jewish in my home with a nanny cam.
But I do this because I have to


I try to make it as best as can be for my child.



This I agree with. It is definitely hard to picture dropping off my baby at an unpredictable babysitter out of pure necessity. If I did feel like I trusted the babysitter and she could call me it the baby wasn’t managing I’d be ok to drop her off and have her cry there for a bit. I would agree if she’s literally crying the entire time for a whole week it’s not working out but chances are she would adjust.
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amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sun, Jan 15 2023, 11:40 am
amother Zinnia wrote:
You (and OP) are more than welcome to do your own research and come to your own conclusions. You don't have to trust amother pistachio. But the research does show she is right.

Just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's right.

I work because I have to.

I don't feel comfortable leaving my child with unsafe ratios, and there are no childcare facilities with safe ratios/ nanny cams in my neighborhood and so I choose to have someone not Jewish in my home with a nanny cam.
But I do this because I have to work.

I try to make it as best as can be for my child.

You are a great mom!
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