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Forum
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-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:03 am
Bh we are making a chasuna this week. We are a middle class family and it is a financial struggle.
These past two weeks I have been bombarded with calls from organizations to give $ for zechus on the day of the wedding. I have gotten around 50 calls. Most of them I never even heard of. We did yad eliezer sponsorship right when they got engaged and I gave the first few callers. I've been telling the rest I can't give anymore. Some wont take no as an answer- what do you mean you dont want to send a kittel to so and so on the day of the chasuna or sponsor our hotline that day or have some people sing and dance at chatzos for us, etc.
I feel harrassed. I am struggling with the regular necessary expenses.
I understand your organization may be wonderful (even though I never heard of it) but there is a limit. I stopped answering numbers I do not recognize but sometimes the children answer.
I would love to help but when people are making a chasuna unless they are wealthy or get help from family or tzedaka organizations money is extremely tight. This is not the time to make people feel guilty that they are not donating.
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amother
Tomato
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:13 am
I feel your annoyance but since I have a blanket policy of not giving anything to organizations that I know nothing about. I just let solicitations from others slide by me without any guilt.
Not sure why your children answering the phone would make a difference as your children should be able to find out who is calling and then let the person on the line know that you can't come to the phone.
Occasionally when I have inadvertently been connected to someone I just lie and say that I am not Mrs. "Cohen" and that ends the conversation. 
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amother
Peony
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:15 am
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Practice “I’m sorry I pm not able to do that now. Thanks “
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amother
Azalea
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:17 am
My husband and I have a policy not to give to organisations and campaigns.
You never know in who's pocket your money may land up in.
We are not wealthy, if we were, we would take the chance.
Considering were not, we donate to individuals. I think it's a bigger mitzvah to look out for your neighbours, friends and strangers who solicit you personally.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:21 am
Kinda OT but I find it so distasteful that these organizations collect Simcha info and use that as their calling point.
I have been on the receiving end of these calls in a rather ironic way. It seems there's another woman in town who has the same name as me. I've gotten calls from organizations asking me to sponsor the needs for a new baby in honor of my new baby. Only thing is, I've been thru years of IF and no new baby. When I told this to one caller, he insisted that he has the information right in front of him that I had a new baby. You think he knew better than me? It just blew my mind, that one.
They don't even get their info accurately sometimes, and when they do, as OP has demonstrated, it can border on harassment.
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mfb
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:29 am
Chayelle that’s horrible what you went through!!
Sending you hugs and hopes that Hashem fill YOUR home with loads of simchos!!!
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Ruchi
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:50 am
Goodness me. It's unfair to be harassed like this. It's one thing if they send some literature and an envelope through the mail, but pushy phone calls, is a no no.
Do they think you are wealthy and can contribute to so many organisations?
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Ruchi
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:53 am
| Chayalle wrote: | Kinda OT but I find it so distasteful that these organizations collect Simcha info and use that as their calling point.
I have been on the receiving end of these calls in a rather ironic way. It seems there's another woman in town who has the same name as me. I've gotten calls from organizations asking me to sponsor the needs for a new baby in honor of my new baby. Only thing is, I've been thru years of IF and no new baby. When I told this to one caller, he insisted that he has the information right in front of him that I had a new baby. You think he knew better than me? It just blew my mind, that one.
They don't even get their info accurately sometimes, and when they do, as OP has demonstrated, it can border on harassment. |
I'm sorry for your distressing experience. Very troubling and upsetting.
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Iymnok
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 11:58 am
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I’d be tempted to ask them for a donation for the many simcha related expenses. Just the request is a bit tone deaf.
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amother
Vermilion
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 1:00 pm
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I learned this from a friend: just say "We don't accept telephone solicitations of any kind, have a great day" and hang up.
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mamaleh
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 1:43 pm
Our policy is we don’t make pledges over the phone. EVER!
Feel free to send us whatever you want in the mail & we will consider it. (Btw, if the mailing implies we pledged by phone-we’ve had that ‘as per our conversation, here is the envelope for your $— donation’- not only does the mailing go straight to the garbage, the organization gets added to our never give list).
I find this very helpful. There is nothing to argue with.
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amother
Green
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 3:10 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Bh we are making a chasuna this week. We are a middle class family and it is a financial struggle.
These past two weeks I have been bombarded with calls from organizations to give $ for zechus on the day of the wedding. I have gotten around 50 calls. Most of them I never even heard of. We did yad eliezer sponsorship right when they got engaged and I gave the first few callers. I've been telling the rest I can't give anymore. Some wont take no as an answer- what do you mean you dont want to send a kittel to so and so on the day of the chasuna or sponsor our hotline that day or have some people sing and dance at chatzos for us, etc.
I feel harrassed. I am struggling with the regular necessary expenses.
I understand your organization may be wonderful (even though I never heard of it) but there is a limit. I stopped answering numbers I do not recognize but sometimes the children answer.
I would love to help but when people are making a chasuna unless they are wealthy or get help from family or tzedaka organizations money is extremely tight. This is not the time to make people feel guilty that they are not donating. |
Don’t let it get past the first sentence. Say, ‘I wish we could help but we’re not in a position right now. Thanks for calling.’ And hang up!
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Ruchi
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Mon, Jan 16 2023, 4:08 pm
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"Oh. You'd like to give us a donation towards our wedding expenses. Why, that's so nice. I really appreciate your kind help"
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amother
Cappuccino
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Tue, Jan 17 2023, 7:13 am
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That’s so interesting because when we made a chasuna, someone gave us money to help with it in zchus of someone getting married. It was given to us anonymously.
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mfb
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Tue, Jan 17 2023, 8:44 am
I’m curious where this is happening?
Which country?
Where do they find the list of simchos?
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amother
Powderblue
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Tue, Jan 17 2023, 9:51 am
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My relative ended up chewing one of the callers over the phone. “Do you really think it’s appropriate to ask me for that much money when you know that I need to pay for my own simcha?” The caller apologized. But people must be donating if the calls keep happening.
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amother
Powderblue
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Tue, Jan 17 2023, 9:52 am
| mfb wrote: | I’m curious where this is happening?
Which country?
Where do they find the list of simchos? | It definitely happens in the US. There is a simcha section in several weekly papers.
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isrmss91
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Tue, Jan 17 2023, 9:57 am
I wonder where they are getting peoples numbers from, in the first place. If I had such a caller, that is the first thing I would ask. It is really inappropriate. for most baal simchas, it is a very stressful time, finiancially and emotionally.
Last edited by isrmss91 on Tue, Jan 17 2023, 10:32 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Jetblack
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Tue, Jan 17 2023, 10:24 am
On the day of my wedding, two people called and asked to speak to me.
They were soliciting donations and wanted to offer me the zchus.
(My mother didn't give over the phone, obviously.)
During my engagement I got these phone calls too!
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amother
Wandflower
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Tue, Jan 17 2023, 10:29 am
I know it’s rude
But I they harass
I hang up
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