 |
|
|
|
|
amother
OP
|
 Mon, Jan 16 2023, 3:15 pm
We installed Netspark filter on our Tablet.
I've browsing through Youtube history, and found out that my DS age 14 has been watching video's "F****, Mom caught us in bed together" and " omg. 3 is the best" and the video of one by and 2 girls in bed together.
I'm not sure confronting him about is the rigjy way, since I'm expect him getting all defensive or even lie.
Also, he turned on the Bluetooth on the Tablet and connected it with the Nintendo Switch to watch stuff there ( history is clran, only "Top 20 Nintendo Games")
I learned that my DS is very smart, may he use it for better thing.
He's 14 so I assume that nowadays it's normal.
But I'm upset, because I thought that I could keep him innocent.
Upset, that even though I installed and paid for a Filter, he still managed to get to watch it.
(Yes, I know, the filter setting was set to low.
Because I was worried of his reaction of I would set on stringest. In his mind TAG=brainwashing)
I'm hoping that by me writing here, I could get my frustration of my chest and hopefully some reassurence that because of video's he watched at 14 he won't become an P**** addict later.
| |
|
| Back to top |
13 
0 
|
amother
Grape
|
Mon, Jan 16 2023, 3:18 pm
| amother OP wrote: | We installed Netspark filter on our Tablet.
I've browsing through Youtube history, and found out that my DS age 14 has been watching video's "F****, Mom caught us in bed together" and " omg. 3 is the best" and the video of one by and 2 girls in bed together.
I'm not sure confronting him about is the rigjy way, since I'm expect him getting all defensive or even lie.
Also, he turned on the Bluetooth on the Tablet and connected it with the Nintendo Switch to watch stuff there ( history is clran, only "Top 20 Nintendo Games")
I learned that my DS is very smart, may he use it for better thing.
He's 14 so I assume that nowadays it's normal.
But I'm upset, because I thought that I could keep him innocent.
Upset, that even though I installed and paid for a Filter, he still managed to get to watch it.
(Yes, I know, the filter setting was set to low.
Because I was worried of his reaction of I would set on stringest. In his mind TAG=brainwashing)
I'm hoping that by me writing here, I could get my frustration of my chest and hopefully some reassurence that because of video's he watched at 14 he won't become an P**** addict later. |
You’re worrying about what will happen later? You need to worry about now!
Get to a therapist immediately and get guidance on how to handle this.
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
4
|
little neshamala
|
Mon, Jan 16 2023, 4:51 pm
Some people will disagree with my approach here, but I'll post anyway.
I dont think this is panicworthy. But I think its very important that you guys have a verrrrry open heart to heart talk with him. Explain to him that his physical feelings are normal and healthy,(DONT let him feel that his thoughts or physical reactions means something is wrong with him!) that if he gets hard , has wet dreams etc that is a normal healthy response and Hashem created him that way on purpose so that he should have a loving and romantic zxual relationship with his wife one day. That s-x is wonderful, when between man and wife, its a mitzvah and a positive thing. And thay he will use all that one day. But that that day is not today, and that the next few years are going to be challenging but important ones, and hes going to have to temporarily put these urges aside until he meets his wife....tell him (nothing to do with being Jewish) the problems of prn watching and the negative effects on adult marriage relationships...
Etc etc etc
Truthfully, I never put much stock in the filter approach. Yes we filter our devices, but we view filters as a last line defense, in case everything else fails. Our first line defense is to have the above mentioned talk with our kids at the earliest onset of teenhood, and other slightly "tamer" talks when they are children and preteens (that talks about internet safety, choosing which videos and websites to go to-we show them when we, the parents, decide not to choose a certain book for ourselves from the library based on reviews, or choose not to click a certain website or choose to close a video that popped up etc. We alert them, and show them, and explain to them about protecting our neshamas.)
Our kids have lots of internet use, on purpose, while under supervision and our guidance. Because our belief is that the only way for them to have a chance when theyre older is to have been familiar with it and all its challenges through their formative years, under parental guidance. And our kids are very open with us about what theyve seen, what they think they should avoid, etc
Im not saying we should naively just talk to them and assume they'll listen and never put a toe out of line. Theyre curious, I get it. And when theyre teens they are curious plus they have physical feelings. So its hard. But I am saying that talking to them and having them openly involved is WAY more effective than not prepping them and hoping their childhood will have everything negative filtered out.
A friend of mine who uses this open approach just told me that her 17 year old yeshiva bochur (in one of the very right wing yeshivas) told her very casually in moddle of a conversation about yeshiva life "ma, its crazy, someone in my class keeps sending prn content to peoples phones...I feel bad, I watched a few but then I made myself stop. I just want him to stop sending but I dont want to say anything..." and by involving his mother, who had been open with him about this topic for years, he was able to get her help navigating the situation.
(To prove my point about why I dont like relying on filters and technological barriers to keep our kods sheltered-in this yeshiva case, im sure people here are thinking "that couldnt happen to my son, he has a filtered phone/flip phone/filtered flip phone...".
Well, do you know how simple it is to record the prn playing from another device, and send it as your own video file to anyone else's simple/filtered phone? No websites, no links, no apps...
Also, my little brother was in a verrrrry yeshivish elementary school when one boy brought in prnogrphic magazine photos. Not as bad as videos but believe me it was bad enough. Then in 9th grade, again in a very yeshivish school, before the days of smartphones, a classmate brought in some old fashioned clunky device that had prn videos on it and half the class was glued to it during recess before the hanhala found out. )
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
3
|
| Related Topics |
Replies |
Last Post |
|
|
Suggestion for watch for preteen boy
|
0 |
Tue, Mar 21 2023, 2:18 pm  |
|
|
Where to watch golden girls free
|
2 |
Mon, Mar 20 2023, 10:12 pm |
|
|
How much do you pay for oil filter change? I was charged $74
|
10 |
Mon, Mar 20 2023, 9:54 pm |
|
|
Sink water filter
|
2 |
Fri, Mar 17 2023, 12:45 pm |
|
|
What kind of undersink water filter do you have and who
|
15 |
Fri, Mar 17 2023, 12:44 pm |
|
|
Imamother is a community of frum Jewish women, where you can come to relax,
socialize, debate, receive support, ask questions and much more.
© 2023 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
