DS watch inappropiate video's even though installed filter

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 4:55 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Bh he is a normal healthy Male (not be taken for granted these days) now you have the conversation explaining its unhealthy and the torah says gaird your eyes and say that's why we stay away.

Do you really think telling him what the torah says will make him stay away?
Because he probably never knew that. Can't Believe It

cuffs

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 5:56 pm

I don’t think a downloaded filter works well with a tablet. Better to get an iPad and you can filter it with a password.

amother

Magnolia

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 5:56 pm

Dear OP.

The only thing you can do is have a safety conversation with your dc. Explain how P*orn is unhealthy and you want to to protect him. Use non Jewish parenting experts as a reference.

My router blocks YouTube. My ds figured out how to access YouTube and any other site he wants. He explained that it's not easy, but he has a way to get around everything.

I'm sure that there is someone educating the kids.

Another thing my ds told me, kids shared an Optimum username and password. Kids are connecting to it and accessing whatever they want. It's not applicable for my kids, since there is no Optimum Hotspot near my house.

Ds refuses to tell me how he got around the router filter. I think that he is accessing YouTube via a Mirror site. I have checked his history and can't figure it out.

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 6:31 pm

I have a 13 y.o. DS so this parsha is coming up soon for me.
So far, I sat him down and had a very open conversation with him abt how his body is going to change (he hasn't started developing yet) and that he will have wet dreams, thoughts abt girls, and that it is NORMAL. I presented it that there is a nisayon that is coming up and it is something that all guys struggle with, and the more he conquers it, the more Kedusha he brings to himself. but it's okay and normal to struggle, and not always win.
I think that if I would be in ur situation, the best thing is to have an open discussion with ur son. validate his struggles. he is probably feeling like a terrible person right now, and a hypocrite. validate that he NORMAL, and then strategize ways overcome it. firstly- yes, a filter is there for a reason- we are not supposed to trust ourselves. Also- bec this is a battle of Tumah vs Kedusha- doing things to bring more Kedusha in his life. engaging in hobbies, other activities when he feels urges/curiosity.
I am not an expert- there are just my gut feelings.
mostly- just be open in a non-judgement manner.

amother

Rainbow

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 6:36 pm

Minimal response and maximal filtering.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 7:12 pm

I cannot understand the people who would sit down and have a conversation without bothering to put on a filter. Conversations are great, but without a filter, it will not stop a teenage boy from looking at inappropriate online content. Sorry ladies, all the education in the world will not stop curiosity.

I find it to be terribly unfair to put your child in a situation where he has the internet available to him with no filter. It's so harmful to young teenagers, and you can't blame them for looking. It's your job to protect your child!

To me it's like letting your two year old play near the street without adult supervision - but don't worry - "I had a conversation with him about it!"

Please do your child the biggest favor and put the strongest filter on your and his devices. And once you do that, go ahead and talk to him about why you did that.

amother

Amaryllis

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 9:36 pm

amother Goldenrod wrote:

I dont think anyone on this thread has said they dont use a filter...

amother

Tulip

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 10:04 pm

amother Magnolia wrote:

Wow.. this is exactly my son. Every single thing you wrote. I can’t believe there is another boy doing the exact same things and another mother who just can’t figure out HOW?!!!
We have gentech filter and even they can’t figure out how he is accessing whatever he wants.
At this point I have no idea what to do… I’m at a real loss. I daven that Hashem will send him back his yiras shamayim.

amother

Oleander

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 10:29 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

Why can't you ban him from using your devices, even with a filter? Not judging cv

amother

Tulip

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 10:32 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

Why can't you ban him from using your devices, even with a filter? Not judging cv

We are past that stage. He bought himself an iPhone. He agreed with us to have it filtered. At first he complained that he could hardly do anything with his phone because of the filter. He no longer complains.. he figured out how to bypass/hack the system.

amother

Jean

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 10:34 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

This was me a few years ago.

I installed a key logger, got a hold of the filter password, and was able to access whatever I wanted. Kids are smarter than you think. If there’s a will there’s a way…

Edited to add: B”H I did get my Yiras Shamayim back.

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