Bringing specific dessert for Shabbos invite w/o asking

amother

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 4:52 pm

We were invited out to my friend for Shabbos meal.I bought packaged cookies (beigels) to bring.How do I word a text to let her know that I am bringing this without asking her if I could bring dessert? I did not ask her before I bought the cookies because I didn’t have a chance. I want to tell her today so she knows that she may not have to prepare dessert. I think it’s nice to let the hostess know what you’re bringing so that they don’t duplicate or not have to worry about dessert.

amother

Strawberry

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 4:54 pm

For packaged food, drop it off a day or two in advance with a nice note attached.
I think technically, it's better to drop gifts off before Shabbos than on Shabbos itself (halachically speaking).

amother

Firethorn

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 5:04 pm

Unless your friend is the type to serve packaged cookies for dessert, don't be too sure that you're saving her any work. I'm actually not the baker in my house - either DH or our teenager bakes, but we would never serve bakery cookies for company. If a guest would bring it then of course we would put it out, but knowing in advance wouldn't change my menu. It's a good idea to drop it off ahead so your friend can use it when she wants, but it's only Monday and Shabbos is a few days away so it's kind of strange to buy cookies so far in advance when they're going to go stale.

amother

Teal

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 5:13 pm

I would just call and say, I was at the store and I picked up cookies for Shabbos lunch. I figured I would let you know incase it impacts you dessert planning.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 5:30 pm

Cookies are a great choice to bring, since for most hostesses, it won't actually replace dessert but will be a nice addition to have on the counter for snacking.
I wouldn't worry about it replacing her dessert.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 6:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why do you have to tell her? Most people just bring something when they’re invited out.

Cookies aren’t such a biggie that she’ll say, “Oh shucks, if I’d have known, I wouldn’t have made or bought something else.” She can always use yours as well as hers.

amother

Cappuccino

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 6:20 pm

If you make a fancy tiramisu accompanied by a fruit platter, then yes, let your hostess know in advance amd save her the work of dessert. Packaged cookies? No need for an advance announcement.

ETA: when a guets tells me they are "bringing dessert" I still plan/make/buy dessert. It usually means they are bringing a store babka or a candy platter. Totally nice and appreciated extras, but doesn't cover "dessert".

lamplighter

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 7:29 pm

amother Cappuccino wrote:

When a guest says they are bringing dessert that is our dessert. I think it's nice to showcase what they made or brought. I make dessert for the other meal.
But maybe that's just me.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 7:57 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

I would text ‘looking forward to the Shabbat, I’m bringing some cookies I bought’.

No, announcing the cookies is tacky

NechaMom

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 8:07 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

These are packaged well and don’t go stale in a week. They don’t restock these daily.
That said, they’re only cookies. It’s a snack, not a dessert for after a meal for most people. So I wouldn’t say anything just hand it over when I arrive.

NechaMom

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 8:08 pm

lamplighter wrote:

When a guest says they are bringing dessert that is our dessert. I think it's nice to showcase what they made or brought. I make dessert for the other meal.
But maybe that's just me.

Same, but if they’d say they’re bringing dessert and show up with prepackaged cookies I’d regret not making.
Cookies can be served in addition to dessert, usually not in place of dessert.

s c

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 8:09 pm

Shop bought cookies won't impact her preps. It's like dropping off chocolates or wine. She can choose to serve them as an addition at the meal or save them for her family to eat another time. I would just drop them off at some point before shabbos.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 8:11 pm

NechaMom wrote:

Same, but if they’d say they’re bringing dessert and show up with prepackaged cookies I’d regret not making.
Cookies can be served in addition to dessert, usually not in place of dessert.

Yes you were right before when you said you like to give your opinion Very Happy

NechaMom

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 8:12 pm

amother Tangerine wrote:

Yes you were right before when you said you like to give your opinion Very Happy

Of course. How about you?

amother

Strawberry

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 8:12 pm

Just drop it off a day or so ahead of time. I know plenty of people that serve simple desserts, such as fruit with baked goods. This way, she knows she already has baked goods if she prefers to keep it simple. And if not, she has something extra to put out on the table.
I'll assume op knows her friend and knows she doesn't go all out with elaborate desserts.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Jan 16 2023, 8:16 pm

Please ask if there are food allergies before you bring. I feel so badly I did not handle a hostess situation gracefully at all when I was much younger. A guest brought bakery cookies, and I knew if I served it my young child wouldn't understand and would cry . So I shook my head and said oh no! We have allergies! I'm so sorry! I can't serve this. And she took it back with her. I felt like I was a rude hostess and she felt bad and I felt bad. I still feel bad about it.