Bitachon when finances are hard

amother

Thu, Jan 19 2023, 12:15 pm

I've been working very hard on having bitachon even when financially things are tough.

We're going through a rough patch right now (not going into details here) but I'm trying to keep positive.

What I'm struggling with is--not everyone with financial struggles come out okay in the end. People get evicted from their homes, people get sick and can't afford medical care, kids who grow up chronically deprived can have lifelong issues because of it. In the olden days people froze or starved to death. B"H we're not at imminent risk of starving or freezing, but how do you account for the negative outcomes when you're trying to take an overall bitachon mindset?

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Jan 19 2023, 12:26 pm

I think we all struggle with bitachon, not only when it comes to finances, health shiduchim ... What has been working for me is learning Mussar books especially Chovot Halevavot. It gives tangible ways to help you rely on Hashem for anything, when everythinh is going great and when times are tough. Living with bitachon really changes your life in all aspects. It's a lifelong journey. Hang in there Heart

amother

Thu, Jan 19 2023, 12:31 pm

Yes, I learn chovos halevavos etc. and I'm really trying to integrate it. It does help BH and I'm a lot more calm than I would otherwise be.

But there's still that nagging intrusive thought--but how do you know everything will turn out okay? So many situations didn't turn out okay! And then I think about the people who had really bad outcomes R"L.

So I'm wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with those thoughts. I'm trying to think realistically but not catastrophically.

I can think, even if there's a bad outcome CH"V Hashem will give me the strength to get through it.
Or I can think, BH I have amazing family and community that will be there for me in case things get really bad.
Or, worse comes to worst I might have to ask for tzedakah, I won't LIKE it and it won't be COMFORTABLE for me but not necessarily do we always get what we like.

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Jan 19 2023, 1:00 pm

True Bitachon is understanding that all that Hashem does is for the good, it might not be my definition of good or that it's good for me but that it is good in his master plan. Accepting it with love... it's not easy it's really a struggle but at the end of the day accepting it will make you happier. Hashem should help us see the good. I ask Hashem every day help me become a better person but without nisyonot ... About counting on your family and community... I personnally dont, I rely only on Hashem and I cry out only to him, if he decides to help through community or family thats his plan but He is the only that can help. I went though so much nisyonot lately especially in health and when the people that you cherish the most in life get the hardest diagnosis you realize money is really nothing one day you have some one day you don't better being tested on that than in health...Say thank you Hashem for that

amother

Latte

Thu, Jan 19 2023, 1:53 pm

Op, I'm also struggling financially. This Whatsapp group gives me lots of chizzuk daily.

https://dailybitachon.com/whatsapp/

I have learned from this chizuk that if we really internalize and believe that Hashem WILL help us then He really will even if it's against the natural teva.

And Hashem gives us a challenge just to bring us closer to Him. Once we understand that, all we need to do is become closer for example, do an extra mitzvah, think more often of Hashem, see and appreciate His goodness all around us like the yummy coffee we just had etc. And BELIEVE that yeshuas Hashem Kheref ayin, he WILL give us shefa at any moment. Just like your child asks you to give her a drink and you hand her a cup of water, so we must believe that when we ask Hashem for shefa, he WILL give it to us so we should just wait happily for he will give it at any moment..

amother

Razzmatazz

Thu, Jan 19 2023, 1:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Bitachon doesnt mean things will be okay. That would just be stupidity. I guess it means believing that everything has a purpose and that Hashem has a greater plan that somehow makes the terrible okay? I struggle with this as well.

As far as anxiety goes I am trying to strengthen myself to believe that even if things arent okay, I will still be okay. I'll handle it. It's hard work!

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 7:58 am

OP, B”H Hashem is not testing me through finances,
BUT .he is testing me through the health of a family member
After the initial shock, I decided that I’m going to enjoy the time we spend together and not mourn what hasn’t happened yet.
Please do not fall into pit of despair with WHAT IFS because that will just suck the life out of you
May I suggest starting a THANK YOU HASHEM journal and write 3 things you are thankful every day

When HASHEM sees that you are thankful for even these times HE gives us more to be thankful for.

Highstrung

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 7:59 am

I don’t know what bitachon means exactly .
But this is how I feel and think when going through periods like this, whether it’s financial or something else.
Firstly, HaShem is taking care of me. If it means we will lose the house, then it means that I was destined to lose it and HaShem will guide me to another roof over my head.
If the children grow up with issues because of their lack of money, then this was the path HaShem cut out for them. It’s part of their journey in life and they will have to work on themselves and work through their issues. The same way I was brought up in non ideal situations and it affected me, I understand it was part of my journey and this is what my neshama needed to go through. Whatever happens to us is all part of a master plan.
I sometimes daven to HaShem and ask him for more clarity so that I can see that these things that don’t seem good at all are actually good for me.
When I let go of thinking I can control the outcomes of what’s going to be and of what’s going to happen and I allow HaShem to make those decisions, I begin to feel freedom and peace of mind and I feel HaShem holding me.

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 8:16 am

Highstrung wrote:

Very well said!

This was helpful. Thank you.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 8:27 am

amother Cyclamen wrote:

To me this is impossible for almost all of us. The idea that we can understand (that's the word you used) that c'vs young people getting cancer is somehow good seems ridiculous.

It's also strange to me that on one hand we say we trust hashem that he knows what's best for us while at the same time we beg and plead for him to change our situation. If we really believed that being poor and getting evicted was good and part of hashem's master plan, there would be no need for us to ask him to change the plan.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 8:31 am

Ittala wrote:

rabbi ashear I find amazing....
Living Emunah <mail>

To be fair, most of the stories in his books have positive outcomes. A man was poor, he was about to be evicted, he told his rebbitzen he's not worried because hashem will help him. 5 minutes later there's a knock on the door and a man gives him $10,000.

There's even a chapter in Rabbi Ashear's book called "bitochin cures illness".

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 8:52 am

amother Amethyst wrote:

These are good questions and ultimately not ones that any of us can answer. And any attempt to explain them away will sound callous and insensitive. As long as we're in galus there really is no way to make sense of the pain, sorrow and evil in this world. When Moshiach comes we will turn to Hashem and say אודך הוי כי אנפת בי, we will thank Hashem for everything we went through because we will see how it had a positive purpose. But that's not for now. For right now we need to turn to Hashem and ask Him to show Himself openly and remove all pain and sorrow--not to make excuses or justifications for them!

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 9:28 am

amother OP wrote:

Why would we ask hashem to do this? If we are having a real conversation then we must admit that this is not how hashem works. (Why not is another unanswerable question) Are we really asking hashem to reveal why he causes his children pain? We both know we aren't getting the answer.

DustyDiamonds

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 9:28 am

OP, I hope your finances improve quickly!

Sometimes Hashem puts us in a challenging situation so that we pray and grow from it. In Bereishis there was no rain until Adam prayed for it.
Accepting the current reality is no contradiction to praying and working towards a 180 degree shift of that reality!

What helps me is something hard to grasp, and uncomfortable: I chose this. (Sometimes I think I must have been high on brain-altering drugs when I did this choosing lol!)

I chose this life for myself because I had knowledge and understanding that this was the BEST life for me, and for the whole universe, in the sense that the Lubavitch rebbe said that your birthday is the day Hashem decided that the entire universe can no longer continue to exist without your unique and individual contribution to it.

The idea that there’s global purpose in my pain, and I knew what it was when I chose this life, sits better with me than the standard “everything Hashem does is for the good”.

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 9:55 am

amother Amethyst wrote:

Yes, it's true we are living in a time of helem where G-dliness is hidden and we often experience the world as a cold, ugly, and brutal place, where the wicked prosper and the innocent suffer.

That's been the dilemma throughout the ages.

I do believe there will be a time when the helem will be lifted and Hashem will reveal Himself. And then we will understand the purpose and meaning of suffering.

Actually "understand" is the wrong word. The suffering of the past will be washed away.

amother

Brickred

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 10:00 am

amother Amethyst wrote:

Yeah. I have a real problem with these stories.

That's not how bitachon works. Often bad things DO happen.
Bitachon is that is what Hashem wanted to happen and it's best for your life journey.

In my story. My mother still died. Three siblings went off the derech for a time.....only two came back. I suffered too and still do in some ways 25 years later.

But, I also grew from the challenge. At a young age decided to lean in and face it. It definitely has made me a better person and who I am today and I guess that is the plan. Same goes for my sibs - even or especially those that had rough teen years. I wouldn't choose the suffering but in hindsight it was like boot camp, for me.

The question is, how do you build your family to come out stronger?