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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
#BestBubby
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 Sun, Jan 22 2023, 10:51 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Want to add, that after getting validation from our rav that my feelings count and are valid, I'm in a much calmer place right now to see things more rational and logical. Yes I don't like the pressure my in laws put on us, yes I don't consider this bil and sil as close family... however I'm going to forgo my ego for the sake of shalom. And let's hope that only good things will come from this. |
In the zechus of Sholom, Hashem should Bentch you and your family with lots of yiddishe nachos,
And marry off all your children to their bashert in a timely manner!
Wow!
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Simple1
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 10:57 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Want to add, that after getting validation from our rav that my feelings count and are valid, I'm in a much calmer place right now to see things more rational and logical. Yes I don't like the pressure my in laws put on us, yes I don't consider this bil and sil as close family... however I'm going to forgo my ego for the sake of shalom. And let's hope that only good things will come from this. |
Pressure from others can be stressful and simchas come with a lot of that. Mazal tov on the simcha!
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amother
Burlywood
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 11:02 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Want to add, that after getting validation from our rav that my feelings count and are valid, I'm in a much calmer place right now to see things more rational and logical. Yes I don't like the pressure my in laws put on us, yes I don't consider this bil and sil as close family... however I'm going to forgo my ego for the sake of shalom. And let's hope that only good things will come from this. |
Your doing the right thing!!
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imasinger
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 11:05 am
Add me to your list of admirers.
I sure hope your family appreciates and remembers the graciousness of the gesture rather than the discussion that preceded it. But even if they're unpleasant about it, YOU will know what you chose and why.
May your mesiras nefesh bring you so much good in every way.
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amother
Razzmatazz
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 11:06 am
That's very admirable!
You won't lose from doing the right thing!
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amother
Viola
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 11:51 am
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Wow, OP! It is so big of you to do the right thing although it’s so hard!! It should be a Zchus for you, your son, and your family. I think this thread should be another one added to the best of imamother! Just a thought…it may be easier psychologically to do this without taking the money from your in-laws so you are showing it is completely your own decision. I don’t know if that’s true for you so think about taking versus not taking and go with whatever way makes you feel better about it.
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amother
Mint
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 12:22 pm
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Op may you merit greet moshiach soon with you entire family. What you did is tremendous.
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amother
Yolk
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 12:29 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Want to add, that after getting validation from our rav that my feelings count and are valid, I'm in a much calmer place right now to see things more rational and logical. Yes I don't like the pressure my in laws put on us, yes I don't consider this bil and sil as close family... however I'm going to forgo my ego for the sake of shalom. And let's hope that only good things will come from this. |
That's Gevura! Yasher Koach!
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amother
Jade
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 12:34 pm
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amother
Heather
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 5:23 pm
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It's not right for others to meddle. The meddlers should learn from this post the agmas Nefesh they cause. With that being said, I was once in a position where it caused me tremendous agmas Nefesh to take the high road to make shalom. but I did. This may sound weird but I felt there was a rumble in shamayim about it. You have no idea how hard it was for me.I used that opportunity to daven to Hashem for something that I was heartbroken about. The answer wasn't immediate but Hashem sent such strong brachos to me it was so apparent. Use this opportunity to beseech Hashem for something. It's a huge zechus to do something for shalom.
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amother
Bisque
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 7:03 pm
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didnt read through all posts but when I saw the rav said not to go against wifes wishes tells me theres a bigger issue here that were not aware of. From me it seems the op is a difficult person and the rav is being smart by not wanting this to cause shalom bayis issues and realizes that this women is stubborn.
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amother
Pearl
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 7:16 pm
| amother Bisque wrote: | | didnt read through all posts but when I saw the rav said not to go against wifes wishes tells me theres a bigger issue here that were not aware of. From me it seems the op is a difficult person and the rav is being smart by not wanting this to cause shalom bayis issues and realizes that this women is stubborn. |
Thats a horrible thing for you to say.
Any normal Rav would say not to go against the wife's wishes.
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amother
Charcoal
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Sun, Jan 22 2023, 7:21 pm
| amother Bisque wrote: | | didnt read through all posts but when I saw the rav said not to go against wifes wishes tells me theres a bigger issue here that were not aware of. From me it seems the op is a difficult person and the rav is being smart by not wanting this to cause shalom bayis issues and realizes that this women is stubborn. |
Regardless, OP already said she's taking the high road and going with her BIL. Your post is unnecessarily hurtful (and may I suggest reflective of a "difficult person").
Kol hakavod OP. I'm jealous of the opportunity you have now to daven for something you really need.
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ShishKabob
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 7:41 am
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Wow! OP!! Im in awe of your strength regardless of what my opinion is on this matter! Lot's of hatzlocha and brocha and lots of yiddish nachas from all of your children and grandchildren and great great grandchildren!!!
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BH Yom Yom
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 7:49 am
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OP I give you a lot of credit! Tizki l’mitzvos and may you be gebentched with unending bracha in every aspect of your life!
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amother
OP
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 8:04 am
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Just and update: my in laws called my husband that they decided we can do whatever we feel want and go with whoever we decide. In any case we are still going to do it by my bil.
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amother
Powderblue
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 8:08 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Just and update: my in laws called my husband that they decided we can do whatever we feel want and go with whoever we decide. In any case we are still going to do it by my bil. | So interesting.
As long as you felt strongly one way they felt strongly the other way.
But when you dropped the rope, they dropped it as well.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 8:09 am
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They don't know yet that we decided to do it by my bil. We haven't told then yet.
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amother
Powderblue
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 8:10 am
Re the difficult person post (I don’t want to quote such a ridiculous post)
I too am a difficult person. If you definite difficult as being synonymous with not a doormat.
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amother
Powderblue
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 8:11 am
| amother OP wrote: | | They don't know yet that we decided to do it by my bil. We haven't told then yet. | Yes that’s what I mean. It reminds me of the rav who knew the rasha wouldn’t harm him because he was thinking loving thoughts in his mind.
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