Mid winter hs issues

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries

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amother

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 11:46 am

I have one son in mesivta this year. They don’t have mid winter vacation when the rest of my family does. This son is very insistent that we not do anything because he won’t have off. I’m a little torn . I f like to do something with the rest of my kids ( just a day trip) but I don’t want to make him upset. He also told me that making it up to him is not the same.
Anyone have this issue and what are u doing?

agreer

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 11:53 am

Do something with the younger kids. It's not fair to them to be home all day because your son has school.

Don't let your mesivta son tell you what to do. That's a huge lack of kibbud eim.

He is entitled to his feelings, but he cannot control other people. This is an important lesson to learn now.

Also, he should be able to find a way to self-soothe after being disappointed.

amother

Oleander

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 12:03 pm

He doesn’t get to dictate what others can do. And he’s old enough to understand different people get different things at different times. This is why I disagree on all the threads saying they make their Judd share treats with siblings and everything has to be even steven all the time. I’m sure he gets to do things the younger kids don’t get to do. I would offer him something special and if he says no it’s not good enough I would say that’s your choice. He’s not a toddler you don’t have to give in to his irrational tantrum.

cuffs

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 12:17 pm

I would pull him out of school for that one day or do the trip over shabbos. I understand his feelings

amother

Ballota

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 1:07 pm

His feelings are very valid, however as a bachur he is going to have to get used to missing out on certain things. The mesivta schedule is new to him but it's going to be a part of life.

He should not be controlling the rest of the family's schedule, and you should not deprive your other kids because he can't join.

That being said, find ways for him to do special things a different time (bein hazmanim, off shabosim).

lamplighter

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 1:08 pm

Did you take him on trips when he was younger?
If the answer is yes than it's a clear answer. Validate his feelings and sensitively point out that different ages, different stages.

keym

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 1:10 pm

I would validate him. It's a hard adjustment that he has vacations but not on the same schedule.

I would not let him dictate that you can't take the younger ones on trips. But I would do smaller, less exciting, "babyish" trips then, (for example skyzone type) and save the bigger, more teen-centric trips for when he can join.
And I would try to schedule something nice just for him when he has his next off-shabbos.

amother

Mocha

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 1:20 pm

My mesivta boys have an off shabbos every shabbos mevarchim where they don't have yeshiva on Friday and start late Sunday.
Does he have that?
If yes you can explain to him that he's older now and his vacation times are different. You can plan to do something together just the 2 of you on his off Friday.

amother

Copper

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 5:29 pm

I never get these yeshivas. Boys are much better off interacting with their family. I would not do a major family trip if the whole family isnt their. I would go on a day trip. If your husband's taking off and it's a major 1 time a year thing. I would take him out of yeshiva. Keep in mind that the school schedule the boys and highschoolers on diffrent vacation days as the elementary kids. It causes major jealousy amongst classmates. Vacation days are not meant for major trips. Save that for other family time. Like over yomim tovim.

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