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keym
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 Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:05 am
Personally I think there's different conversations at play.
1) ever increasing "yiddishkeit" rules
2) schools having rules and standards for their students
3) schools not enforcing the rules
4) parents deciding that their kids don't have to follow the rules.
I think we need to separate all the aspects of the conversation.
My question to school administrators is why do you keep on putting rules on the book that you don't enforce?
Why don't you just decide what you want to enforce (dress code in school, out of school technology, behavior, attendance) and then make those the rules.
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mha3484
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 12:37 pm
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My boys yeshiva has been moving away a lot from the concept of rules and instead uses the idea of expectations. There are signs in the hallways, in the lunch room about the expectations of a yeshiva bochur. Its so much healthier. The parent handbook is reasonable. There are no vacation rules but there was an email about the appropriateness of your vacation plans. The email was sent after most people made their plans lol but still was a lot more respectful of parents then telling us where we can and cant go. Discipline is less reactive and more looking at what is under the surface. Its been a really positive change.
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#BestBubby
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 6:44 pm
Some schools give 2 midwinter vacation days
In the middle of the week (Tuesday & Wednesday)
To discourage going away on vacation.
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amother
Honey
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 7:13 pm
| amother Wine wrote: | I'm not a school principal, and I never sent my kids to schools that made rules for parents, so you can take this with a grain of salt.
The principal really believes that certain behaviors are detrimental to the chinuch that the school is trying to provide. S/he wants the children to have a consistent, all-encompassing environment that supports a certain lifestyle.
Then along come the gvirim who support the school, and they aren't going to give up their vacation. Surely the rules don't apply to them, right? And it's downhill from there.
Just an outsider's guess. |
Child goes to a school that says in the handbook that they cannot go to any Beach destination, period.
This bothered me a lot because if you accept me into your school you should trust that if I take my child somewhere and supervise them then it's okay. While I would understand if the school had an issue if the girls go by themselves or if they go to their 'grandmother' and are gallivanting around without permission ( and I have heard stories of schools getting calls from random places complaining about their students), they should be okay with parents taking their kids away and trusting their judgment.
And as other people pointed out, Lakewood is 20 minutes away from Long Branch which is also a beach destination. And on the other side of it would they be okay with six girls booking a hotel somewhere in Utah and going skiing because it's not a beach? No.
I had already booked and promised the kids that we would go somewhere this year and so I did.
I felt very guilty about it but I kept saying that I'm sure the school would be okay if we're going away somewhere as a family, to meet cousins which we are, and while we always try to follow the rules, sometimes we have to make an exception and part of being an adult is knowing when that exception should be made and they just shouldn't talk about it.
Then the school gave out a note where they insinuate that the problem is actually if the girls go away by themselves. And that bothered me, because, make up your mind! If the issue is that the girls are running around themselves then just say that they can't go away unless it's with at least one parent and they're going away with family. Why are you banning everything when the real reason is just a specific scenario?
It also happens to be that this is the one time of the year that the kids schedules line up when it's not a yom tov. Very often the girls have a different week between school and camp than the boys do because they start and end at different times and this is one of the only weeks that we can really go away somewhere nice as a family.
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amother
NeonPink
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 7:18 pm
| amother Honey wrote: | Child goes to a school that says in the handbook that they cannot go to any Beach destination, period.
This bothered me a lot because if you accept me into your school you should trust that if I take my child somewhere and supervise them then it's okay. While I would understand if the school had an issue if the girls go by themselves or if they go to their 'grandmother' and are gallivanting around without permission ( and I have heard stories of schools getting calls from random places complaining about their students), they should be okay with parents taking their kids away and trusting their judgment.
And as other people pointed out, Lakewood is 20 minutes away from Long Branch which is also a beach destination. And on the other side of it would they be okay with six girls booking a hotel somewhere in Utah and going skiing because it's not a beach? No.
I had already booked and promised the kids that we would go somewhere this year and so I did.
I felt very guilty about it but I kept saying that I'm sure the school would be okay if we're going away somewhere as a family, to meet cousins which we are, and while we always try to follow the rules, sometimes we have to make an exception and part of being an adult is knowing when that exception should be made and they just shouldn't talk about it.
Then the school gave out a note where they insinuate that the problem is actually if the girls go away by themselves. And that bothered me, because, make up your mind! If the issue is that the girls are running around themselves then just say that they can't go away unless it's with at least one parent and they're going away with family. Why are you banning everything when the real reason is just a specific scenario?
It also happens to be that this is the one time of the year that the kids schedules line up when it's not a yom tov. Very often the girls have a different week between school and camp than the boys do because they start and end at different times and this is one of the only weeks that we can really go away somewhere nice as a family. |
Imo, the school is overstepping boundaries by telling parents what they can or cannot do with their own kids in their own homes/environment. They can simply send home a nice note reminding parents about safety and how important it is to maintain values even during vacations. Zehu. They are not society's policeman and should not be making rules for anything outside of school.
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