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Who do I choose, me or my child? Updated
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amother




Alyssum
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 3:07 pm
amother DarkGreen wrote:
And let's say these events happen every other school day. You showing up for all of those? If so, you must have a lot of time on your hands.


They don’t happen every other school day.
To say they do is just ridiculous
Milestones or events in school are important to the child

But I guess some people don’t understand that
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amother




Alyssum
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 3:09 pm
amother DarkGreen wrote:
And a number of us cant wrap our heads around your attitude.

What do you do when two of your kids want you at the same time? Cut yourself in two?


Want you? That’s not what we’re discussing
We’re discussing a school event

And this is a matter of choosing between the child’s event or mother’s pleasure outing, not between two kids

Do you really think those two are the same?

Maybe that’s why there’s no understanding here
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chanatron1000




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 3:12 pm
Always choosing to sacrifice teaches your children that when they grow up, they won't matter anymore either.
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amother




Mocha
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 3:44 pm
They are far and few in between but there are a couple of posters here that got it right .
She is in high school. It is not a major play . This is a mom that shows up.
This is a work event. Which is extremely important . It is NOT leisure.
Unless the daughter is immature or very emotionally needy (which if it was that case I feel like this mom would realize that and not be asking this question )
She should be able to understand that mom is unable to drop everything for a skit and will be ok with mom watching a video of it after !
Done in the proper way , a high school girl should be able to understand and be ok with it and happy that her hardworking mother can enjoy herself .
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amother




Seashell
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 3:45 pm
amother Alyssum wrote:
What ramifications???? OP said it’s a pleasure trip not a working trip!
It doesn’t matter if it’s a graduation or a child’s arts and crafts fair or chumash party or a play or anything else!
It’s the idea of showing child you’re proud of them, you want to be there for them and see them participate in a school event, and THAT THEY MATTER TO YOU MORE THAN YOUR OWN PLEASURE TRIP DOES.

A pleasure trip with coworkers is still very important and often cements bonding between people and can potentially impact promotions etc. Showing up in a work situation can have an impact on OP’s life too. I am not sure why everyone is being so dismissive of this aspect. The idea of seeing the performance live while on a trip is plausible. A lot however will depend on the personality of the child.
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amother




Seashell
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 3:50 pm
imaima wrote:
Work funds fun trips for teambuilding. They are not happy if employees forego them.

This. 100%. I said something similar in a recent post but in a much less succinct way.🙈👏
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amother




Seashell
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 3:55 pm
happytobemom wrote:
That's my point.
The son will be fine if his father missed learning for a work trip.
With a mother, it's very different.
Nothing can replace a mother's love.
I never said she'll be traumatized, I just said you can't compare.

A parent missing out on a school event (that wasn’t important enough for DD to mention until very last minute) due to a work clash, has nothing to do with how much a mother loves her child! Even someone whose LL is “quality time” can recognize this!
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amother




Blueberry
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 4:06 pm
Unpopular opinion here.
I actually think OP should go to the trip. The fact that dd witnessed how torn OP was, should be enough for a mature high schooler to know mom loves and cares about her. Foregoing the trip, might even make dd feel guilty.
If OP chooses to go to the performance, she must make sure she's rid of every ounce of resentment. If not, there's more harm done by staying with dd than by going to the trip.
I personally would go to the trip and take dd out for ice cream in the evening or next day.

Whatever you decide to do OP, I wish you inner peace.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 4:23 pm
amother Blueberry wrote:
Unpopular opinion here.
I actually think OP should go to the trip. The fact that dd witnessed how torn OP was, should be enough for a mature high schooler to know mom loves and cares about her. Foregoing the trip, might even make dd feel guilty.
If OP chooses to go to the performance, she must make sure she's rid of every ounce of resentment. If not, there's more harm done by staying with dd than by going to the trip.
I personally would go to the trip and take dd out for ice cream in the evening or next day.

Whatever you decide to do OP, I wish you inner peace.


Thank you so much! Honestly, you posted what is really happening in my house now. Both my daughter and I are both torn and we are both worried about hurting each other!
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amother




Pansy
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 4:24 pm
I'm not sure if this was suggested yet but can you have a favorite aunt or grandmother go to this event instead of you?

As an aside, every mother who works full time and manages to go to most of their child's performance is amazing. It's not easy always having to take off from work! I think the schools should think twice before inviting parents for "minor" events.

OP, you sound like a wonderful mom! I hope it works out.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 6:20 pm
amother OP wrote:
Thank you so much! Honestly, you posted what is really happening in my house now. Both my daughter and I are both torn and we are both worried about hurting each other!


If you are not going to be the only mom not there. I hope your daughter will understand. Also what about another female relative?
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 6:24 pm
amother Alyssum wrote:
Want you? That’s not what we’re discussing
We’re discussing a school event

And this is a matter of choosing between the child’s event or mother’s pleasure outing, not between two kids

Do you really think those two are the same?

Maybe that’s why there’s no understanding here


A work event is not a pleasure outing. It's a team building event which everyone is expected to be there. It's part of work and is important.
First I said that OP should go to the performance. But as she gave more details to the situation, I think that OP should go on the trip.
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Crookshanks




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jan 24 2023, 8:08 pm
I hope you end up going on the trip. It's just a little skit, this is not a huge performance she's been anticipating for months. Please put yourself first this one time, it seems like this trip will give you chiyus in the weeks to come.
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amother




Denim
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 12:01 am
Am I the only one who would rather pull my own fingernails out than go on a trip of any kind with my work colleagues? I won't even take a trip to the copy machine with them. 😅 But seriously, if it's only an hour away, try to do both. What if you blew off the kid event for the mystery trip and then the trip turned out disappointing??
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amother




Alyssum
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 12:05 am
amother Floralwhite wrote:
A work event is not a pleasure outing. .


Funny you should say that because op said it was
I guess you know her situation Better than she does
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agreer




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 12:15 am
amother Denim wrote:
Am I the only one who would rather pull my own fingernails out than go on a trip of any kind with my work colleagues? I won't even take a trip to the copy machine with them. 😅 But seriously, if it's only an hour away, try to do both. What if you blew off the kid event for the mystery trip and then the trip turned out disappointing??


I feel bad for you.

I have worked in 3 offices thus far where I would love to spend extra time with my colleagues, especially company-sponsored time.

Having colleagues you like makes your workday so much more enjoyable.
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amother




Denim
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 8:18 am
agreer wrote:
I feel bad for you.

I have worked in 3 offices thus far where I would love to spend extra time with my colleagues, especially company-sponsored time.

Having colleagues you like makes your workday so much more enjoyable.


I feel bad for me, too! You're so right.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 8:36 am
amother Alyssum wrote:
Funny you should say that because op said it was
I guess you know her situation Better than she does


Of course it's a pleasure to join such outings. But they're team building events, not pleasure trips.
I think you need to calm down, your responses are hysterical and irrational.
It's a minor last minute presentation where not all mom's show up. A high school girl can understand that mom has a prior work commitment. OP shows up to everything, it's ok if she'll miss this minor event.
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amother




Hibiscus
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:53 am
Mom, I hope you choose you here.
I really understand the conflict and get not wanting to diss appoint your daughter, but you clearly want to go on the trip and it makes sense.
I could completely see myself in the same situation wanting to go. I LOVE quality time with my fabulous colleagues in a non-standard work setting.
If it was a major performance or a much younger child, or a situation with significant needs at play, this might be different.
You know you’ll feel frustrated if you stay home.
A big girl should understand that mothers have preferences and pleasures too sometimes, even if it’s only work related.
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Trademark




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 12:03 pm
I didn't read the entire thread, if the trip is very important to you maybe a grandmother, older sister, or someone else can go to the performance so your child doesn't feel left out.
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