Who do I choose, me or my child? Updated

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children

Previous 1 2 3 10 11 12

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Topaz

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 12:10 pm

amother Blueberry wrote:

Unpopular opinion here.
I actually think OP should go to the trip. The fact that dd witnessed how torn OP was, should be enough for a mature high schooler to know mom loves and cares about her. Foregoing the trip, might even make dd feel guilty.
If OP chooses to go to the performance, she must make sure she's rid of every ounce of resentment. If not, there's more harm done by staying with dd than by going to the trip.
I personally would go to the trip and take dd out for ice cream in the evening or next day.

Whatever you decide to do OP, I wish you inner peace.

I agree with this. As a therapist I think it’s unsettling for the teen to be put in the position of having to decide/ carry guilt. A mother is allowed to have something that’s important to her. I would feel differently if this was a major play or graduation. This doesn’t sound like it’s in that category.

amother

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:49 pm

Just wanted to update everyone. I decided to go to my daughter's performance. I realized that just like I wanted to do something fun and be a normal person again, my daughter really wanted me to come and be that "present" mom that could come to a not such an important school event. I'm so happy I went. My daughter was in a dance and a skit and I had a great seat to see everything. In the end, there wasn't enough time for me to join the second half of my trip and I don't even care!

flowerpower

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:51 pm

Thanks for the update. Glad it sort of worked out at the end

amother

NeonGreen

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:52 pm

OP, I'm so glad that you are happy with your decision. Much continued nachas and may you always feel good about the choices you make!

amother

Lightgreen

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you from this daughter whose mom didn't come to any school plays except one or two major ones when she rolled her eyes the whole time and talked about how much she didn't care to be there.

I'm so happy for your daughter. And I love your thought processes and the outcome.

amother

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:55 pm

I forgot to mention, that my office also sent me lunch, so I still got something nice for myself. It's really a family friendly place!

imasinger

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

That's great!

Sometimes, giving yourself the headspace to say no (instead of doing it out of guilt) helps you realize that you'd actually prefer a yes.

Such a happy ending.

#BestBubby

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 3:07 pm

Thanks for the update.

Glad both you and your daughter enjoyed your day.

#BestBubby

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 7:28 pm

Just want to add

OP showed real maturity

Not only going to DD's performance

But enjoying and not sulking.

amother

Denim

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 9:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

I forgot to mention, that my office also sent me lunch, so I still got something nice for myself. It's really a family friendly place!

Love that for you! Maybe one day I'll work in such a place

amother

NeonOrange

Tue, Jan 31 2023, 10:31 pm

op, so happy it worked out for you.

Just wanted to share. Someone once told me that that his son made a siyum the same night as his daughters sheva brochos. He was tempted to miss the siyum, but felt like he needed to be there for his son. He was very torn. He ended up twisting himself into a pretzel to make both. He went to siyum and had a car waiting for him to take him to sheva brochos in a different town. He arrived late to his own daughters sheva brochos and the one making it was not too happy about it. He felt like he did the right thing.

Fast forward a few years he was talking to his kids and this incident came up. He was telling his kids how he made it work. The son who made the siyum didn't even remember that his father came. The father was a little dissapointed that he did all that and his son doesn't remember. But then his son said "Totty thanks for making the effort. I know that I don't remember that you came. But I promise you that if you wouldn't have come, I would always remember it!"
I think it's true. We do tons for our kids. They mostly don't remember individual things you give them. It gives them an overall sense of love and security.

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Feb 01 2023, 12:38 am

amother OP wrote:

Good for you! You did the right thing. You won’t regret it.

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Feb 01 2023, 12:39 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Just want to add

OP showed real maturity

Not only going to DD's performance

But enjoying and not sulking.

Yes. Hopefully moms can extend themselves for their married children and grandchildren too.

Page 12 of 12

Previous 1 2 3 10 11 12