Moms at school activities: Did you notice? Care?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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When I had performances or activities in school with parents invited...(not The Production or major graduation)

I can't remember if my mom came or not.

10%

[ 20 ]

I remember my mom came all or most of the time, and it was a significant requirement for me to know I was loved.

48%

[ 94 ]

I remember my mom came all or most of the time, and I don't recall feeling more loved.

19%

[ 38 ]

I remember that my mom often didn't come as often as I'd have liked, and I felt less loved or hurt.

13%

[ 25 ]

I remember that my mom often didn't come as often as I'd have liked, but I don't recall it affecting how loved I felt or having hurt feelings.

[ 15 ]

Total Votes : 192

watergirl

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 4:51 pm

I couldn't vote because there was no option for me. My mother had a low level position at her job and could never ever take off work for my school things. And for some reason, all of my school things were always during the day. But even from a very young age, I never felt unloved, she literally could not come and I knew it. And I knew she wanted to. It was what it was. She loved me very much.

amother

Pink

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 5:03 pm

My mom came to basically everything until she passed away when I was in junior high. In high school I had no one come to my plays. At the time I tried not to care but reading that thread was triggering.

amother

Blush

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 5:07 pm

All my school events were at night, so my mother was able to come. She couldn't chaperone field trips because she worked, but that was just a fact. Not sure how I felt if events would have been during the school day when she couldn't attend.

amother

NeonPink

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 5:20 pm

Is it just my imagination that 35+ years ago there were much fewer events that parents had to attend? Honestly I don't remember anything besides PTAs and graduations.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 5:22 pm

In HS, I remember how some girls even thought some of the big things were even dumb, girls were mature enough to appreciate if their parent had other commitments. In fact some would tell parents, its really not a big deal if you can't make it.

It sounds like that OP really needs that down day for herself, like she is always about every one else and its her one day a year. But maybe her dd is the one who absolutely adores these shticky stuff and is less mature type who would be crushed if she didn't.

Note to high schools, don't do this to people. Elementary school is enough. Production is enough, special events on nights and weekends are enough.

emi1812

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 6:44 pm

amother Calendula wrote:

Ok well I don’t think a child ‘feeling a little bit sad’ is such a terrible thing. I mean, it’s not ideal obviously. But life is full of things that make us feel a little bit sad. I’m not suggesting a mom skip her kids events to teach her a life lesson. Not am I suggesting that someone skip it unless they have a really good reason (whatever that is, whether that’s work or 3 days partum or whatever) nor am I suggesting a parent miss every single event. But those people who remember it years later didn’t feel a little bit sad. I’d hypothesize they felt a lot worse than that

Never said it was a terrible thing. Just pointed out the oversimplification of things in your original comment. Some kids are more sensitive than others and would feel more bad about it. Not the end of the world. Just a fact of life. We can’t always make them happy 100% of the time. Kids could understand when parents aren’t able to attend while ALSO feeling bummed and uncomfortable about it. People can feel both things at the same time, even if it seems contradictory. A little more nuance here.

happy7

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 6:57 pm

My parents came to everything. Now, if they get invited as grandparents, they show up.

I don’t know if it was about more or less love, but it was important to me. (And as I child, there were plenty of times I was embarrassed of them, but I always wanted my mother at my plays and performances and science shows etc)

amother

Daffodil

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:14 am

I didn’t care if mine came or not because I didn’t feel loved by her anyway. I told her I didn’t care so she came to some events but not others.

amother

Watermelon

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:23 am

I have very few memories of childhood. While I have some memories of high school, I didn't perform (I know one year I was stage manager). I imagine we had some performances in elementary school, but nothing is coming to ming.

My mom, I have learned in therapy, was likely narcissistic. So if she came, it was because it suited her. I don't think I felt loved through my childhood and I still struggle with feeling love from my husband and children because I don't really know what it is.

So should I say this poll is triggering? I guess it just points out another thing I didn't even know I was missing.

I hadn't read the whole thread but I see some others had similar things to say.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:51 am

To a child everything is major.
And to any child under 10-12 imo not seeing their mommy show up when every kid has their mommy there is hurtful and sad.

amother

Pewter

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:10 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Yes. My mother always came, but then at home I got smacked for not washing the dishes well enough.

It's about the full experience. Not if your mother didnt show up to one performance.

Same.

amother

Seablue

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:16 pm

One of my favorite childhood memories is when my mother came to our elementary school fair to see my science experiment and brought a chocolate bar and coke can with her. I felt so loved - it meant everything to me. I was going through a hard time socially and emotionally in life at that point and she really made a difference.

amother

Ebony

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 9:40 am

I'm a bt, and grew up going to public school. My parents never chaperoned field trips cuz they worked, and in fourth grade I remember my father chaperoned a school field trip to the zoo. It meant the world to me, I felt so special having my dad there with me, for me and with my friends.

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