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mushkamothers
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 Mon, Jan 23 2023, 9:37 pm
Sorry but I have to laugh at this entire premise. Read any thread on this site. We are all (for the most part) normal, smart, functional, put together ladies. And yet how many people have real mental, emotional or spiritual struggles? How many people are in therapy? I can bet you that all of our mothers are bragging about how successful we are. (Even/especially the mothers that people write in their op, they have no idea what's really going on in the op's life)
Getting a degree, having a good job, and staying married are not the only indicators of being a healthy human. How about: how we respond to stress or to anger, how we can or cannot regulate our emotions, how we approach food, how intimate and vulnerable we can let ourselves become, communicate needs, set boundaries, etc.
So they did Ferber, and potched us, and were emotionally unavailable, and "we all turned out fine"... right??
Last edited by mushkamothers on Mon, Jan 23 2023, 9:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
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groisamomma
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:05 pm
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I tried CIO with my oldest for a night or two and swore I would never do it again. It's traumatizing enough on the parent, don't do it to your child. It's not worth it.
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amother
Jetblack
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:10 pm
I think different brains and nervous systems have different levels of resilience. As with every other experience in life, Some will prob do just fine, and some will be damaged. Personally I don't go for the method, it's against my instincts and doesn't feel maternal and natural, but I will be the first to say there are a zillion other factors that will go into determining nervous system health.
I breastfed and coslept with DC1 for 2 years, weaned and sleep trained super gently etc etc. Dc2 was in the nicu at birth and in and out of hospitals the next 3 years of life with a zillion procedures, Lots of pain, tons of crying, tons of separation, no breastfeeding. Guess who has healthier attachment styles and better emotional health and if overall a much better adjusted child?
Go figure.
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tichellady
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:12 pm
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it's impossible to really know but emily oster does talk about the studies about it and it's comforting. personally I think that sleep deprivation for the mom and lack of sleep for the baby are important factors too and it's ok to set boundaries with sleep. I like the method in the book " the happy sleeper". it's a modified ferber and I think it's thoughtful
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:19 pm
| mushkamothers wrote: | Sorry but I have to laugh at this entire premise. Read any thread on this site. We are all (for the most part) normal, smart, functional, put together ladies. And yet how many people have real mental, emotional or spiritual struggles? How many people are in therapy? I can bet you that all of our mothers are bragging about how successful we are. (Even/especially the mothers that people write in their op, they have no idea what's really going on in the op's life)
Getting a degree, having a good job, and staying married are not the only indicators of being a healthy human. How about: how we respond to stress or to anger, how we can or cannot regulate our emotions, how we approach food, how intimate and vulnerable we can let ourselves become, communicate needs, set boundaries, etc.
So they did Ferber, and potched us, and were emotionally unavailable, and "we all turned out fine"... right?? |
Applause
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amother
Blueberry
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:33 pm
| amother Junglegreen wrote: | We’re very close. It’s not hard to know. We speak openly about things. Obviously we don’t know the nitty gritty details. But in terms of regular functioning and overall demeanor, behavior in stressful situations, independence, bonds with parents/siblings/friends… yes, I do know.
Do you know about your husband’s mental health? Your child’s? Your parents’? According to your logic, the answer is no. Guess you don’t really “know” anybody. I’m sorry for you |
You can be extremely close to your siblings and have no idea if they suffer from menal illness. Yes, it is hard to know. You seem very naive to what mental illness means. There's absolutely NO way for you to know what goes on behind closed doors, unless you live with them 24/7, which is the case for my husband and children. And no, I don't know if my parents are having mental health issues. And I'm very close to them.
Comparing sisters to your husband and kids, is just laughable. You may think that you know everything about you sisters lives, when in fact, you may know nothing. Because private details are private.
You may know a person extremely well but not know very private details of their lives. You may think you know everything about someone's life, but in reality, you don't. Even the people closest to you.
I may even be your sister & we talk and share every day. Who knows?
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amother
Junglegreen
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Mon, Jan 23 2023, 10:39 pm
| amother Blueberry wrote: | You can be extremely close to your siblings and have no idea if they suffer from menal illness. Yes, it is hard to know. You seem very naive to what mental illness means. There's absolutely NO way for you to know what goes on behind closed doors, unless you live with them 24/7, which is the case for my husband and children. And no, I don't know if my parents are having mental health issues. And I'm very close to them.
Comparing sisters to your husband and kids, is just laughable. You may think that you know everything about you sisters lives, when in fact, you may know nothing. Because private details are private.
You may know a person extremely well but not know very private details of their lives. You may think you know everything about someone's life, but in reality, you don't. Even the people closest to you.
I may even be your sister & we talk and share every day. Who knows? |
*gulp*
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