S/O How do you sleep train?

amother

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 9:00 am

How do you sleep train?
My baby slept wonderfully in his bassinet through the night etc and then got croup. I had him sleeping right with me so I could keep an eye. It’s been more than two weeks and he’ll only sleep with me holding him. The second I put him down, he wakes up. I pick him up, he goes back to sleep. I put him down, he wakes up. So he’s been sleeping in my bed right on top of me. Can’t get anything done in the evening and that’s not sustainable. Ideas? I tried letting him cry for a couple minutes, but it was traumatizing to both of us.
Hes seven months old.

Mayflower

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 9:26 am

I ended up sleep training 2 of my babies at around 9 months. I used the same method for both (based on the book 'Sleeping Through the Night' by Jodi Mindell).

Basically, the idea is that the baby should learn how to fall asleep without your help, or he'll be calling for you during the night when he wakes up between sleep cycles.
The key is to create a bedtime routine, that has to be the same every single night to the baby knows it's time for bed.
Then, baby needs to be put in his crib awake (at the same hour every night - consistency is key). So not rocking or nursing the baby to sleep.

For me, bedtime routine was: nurse, put in pajamas, sing a song, kriyas shema, give a kiss and put the baby in the crib. Then, when the baby starts crying (which is usually what happens since up to that point I would always nurse my baby to sleep), let him cry for five minutes, go back to reassure baby, give a kiss (without picking him up!) and leave again. No eye contact. And again five minutes later, and so on every five minutes until the baby falls asleep.

The first night, my baby would cry for about 30 minutes (which feels like eternity). Second night, a bit longer (probably around 40 minutes). Third night, about 20 minutes. And from the fourth night, baby would fall asleep on his own happily and sleep through the night.

There have been some hiccups afterwards (like when baby is sick so I take him in my bed). But usually after a week or two, things go back to normal.

icedcoffee

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 9:46 am

We did the following, basically Ferber, with great success:

1. Before bed, feed the baby in a brightly lit room so he doesn't fall asleep. Helps remove the association of feeding = dozing off.
2. Establish a bedtime routine, even if it's simple. Lights off, sleep sack on, kisses, say goodnight to everything in the room, shema. Then leave the baby in the crib even if he's wide awake.
3. Presumably, he will cry, either immediately or after a few moments. Set a timer for 3 minutes. After 3 minutes, go back to him. Don't pick him up but rub his tummy, tell him it's okay, we love you, we'll see you in the morning, basically reassure him that you're there and it's ok. Then go back out of the room.
4. Next timer set for 5 minutes. If he's still crying, go back in after 5 minutes and do the same reassuring routine. Next timer set for 10 minutes. if he's still crying, go back in after 10 minutes and do the same reassuring routine. if he still cries after that, keep going with 10 minute timers until he falls asleep.

Before this, he was waking up at least hourly, 8+ times a night, and I would feed him every time. It was completely unsustainable. The first night we did the above routine, he slept all the way from bedtime to 1am, and then straight to 5:30am. The second night, he slept straight to 5am. I have seen all the anti-sleep-training comments on imamother but no one will ever convince me that a few nights of crying was not worth the immediate results, not just for me but also for him. It's GOOD for my baby to know how to get himself to sleep. It's good that he can learn this skill, not need to be dependent on me, not need to keep waking up all night instead of getting a good night's rest. He was fully capable of doing it - he just didn't know any other way to fall asleep besides nursing, because that's the only way he'd ever done it.

amother

Begonia

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 10:02 am

Mayflower wrote:

With my kids I would basically start a bedtime routine from when they were born which sounds crazy but really it isn't.

Even though I knew they would wake up in 2 hours, at about 7:00 I would change them into their night sleeper, feed them and put them in.

I didn't do this by my first one and I had a very hard time training her.

By the next ones, I started this bedtime routine right away and as they got older and ate less they already were used to going to sleep at that time.

Some of my kids naturally transitioned into sleeping all night and some of them I had to do the 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, Etc. of coming in and out to sue them until they were trained after about 3 to 4 days. I never did that unless I had an okay from the pediatrician that they could skip eating at night.

Mayflower

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 11:32 am

amother Iris wrote:

I don't sleep train. At 3-4 years old they've all gone happily into their own beds and slept nicely on their own. I wait it out.

3-4 years is a long time to wait it out. Especially because often by that time, the next baby has arrived. Not everyone can handle 20 years of sleep deprivation.

ETA I want to add that my babies usually became more cheerful after sleep training, since they were more rested. It's not just beneficial for the parents but also for the baby to get a good night sleep.

amother

Iris

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 11:46 am

Mayflower wrote:

We all sleep well cosleeping, baby after baby.

amother

Puce

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 11:53 am

My first baby is now 4 months, I never sleep trained but at this point she has her last feed around 9pm and goes to bed around 10 for the night and sleeps until 8/9am with no feeds, she eats every three hours during the day and that makes her full enough for the night, sometimes during a growth spurt she needed an extra feeding later on.
Also key is napping well during the day.
I followed the baby whisperer book by Tracy Hogg, I didn’t do everything she says, some of it makes no sense but the main idea of having an eat, activity and sleep routine is really easy to follow from birth and she also teaches you how listen for different cues and crying patterns and how to respond to it, she also stresses on flexibility, it is in no way a strict schedule. Babies on this routine also tend to nap better because you learn to read their cues for being tired and put them to bed at the right time for naps.
Some people on this website clearly don’t suffer from sleep deprivation so badly, in my case before I started this method at 6 weeks I was so sleep deprived and my mental health was on a sharp decline, as soon as I started it my baby had 6-7 hours stretches at night and now she has up to 11 hours at night.
A mother who is well rested will be a better mother the rest of the day and a well rested baby will be more healthy than one that is up every hour of the night.

amother

Mimosa

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 11:58 am

Please don't leave the room at all when you sleep train. A baby CAN NOT understand that when you leave you will come back. When you walk out you are abondoning them. You need to stay in the room the ENTIRE time until your baby falls asleep. Just keep singing /talking/reassuring. Lay in a bed nearby. You can expect the following approximately:
1st night - 1 hour
2nd night - 45 min
3rd night - 20 min
And maybe a 4th night
This really works. But please don't leave the room and don't take anything in with you especially your phone. Just be there.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 2:53 pm

[quote="icedcoffee"]We did the following, basically Ferber, with great success:

1. Before bed, feed the baby in a brightly lit room so he doesn't fall asleep. Helps remove the association of feeding = dozing off.
2. Establish a bedtime routine, even if it's simple. Lights off, sleep sack on, kisses, say goodnight to everything in the room, shema. Then leave the baby in the crib even if he's wide awake.
3. Presumably, he will cry, either immediately or after a few moments. Set a timer for 3 minutes. After 3 minutes, go back to him. Don't pick him up but rub his tummy, tell him it's okay, we love you, we'll see you in the morning, basically reassure him that you're there and it's ok. Then go back out of the room.
4. Next timer set for 5 minutes. If he's still crying, go back in after 5 minutes and do the same reassuring routine. Next timer set for 10 minutes. if he's still crying, go back in after 10 minutes and do the same reassuring routine. if he still cries after that, keep going with 10 minute timers until he falls asleep.

This is exactly what I did! Haters can hate but I am a different person since I sleep trained at 5 months. I’m bh getting a good 10 hours of sleep per night!!!! It’s so worth it, really helped me be a healthier mother!

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 2:56 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

Sorry but I disagree. I sleep trained all my babies by leaving the room and going back in every 5 or 10 min. Had 10+ hours a night by the time they were all 4 or 5 months. None of them are scarred by me “leaving the room and abandoning them”.