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GetReal
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 Tue, Jan 24 2023, 4:57 pm
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I don’t go to every wedding. It just doesn’t work.
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amother
Ivory
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Tue, Jan 24 2023, 6:22 pm
B"H for Simchos.
Similar situation. Large family on both sides, plenty of 1st cousins, Nieces & nefews, engagements & Weddings, Brisim & Barmitzvas, never mind the kiddushim & sheva brochos or simchos from some 2nd cousins we are closer to. I used to make every effort to go to every simcha and would be noticed & comments if I didn't go. Sometimes would be whole family, sometimes DH & I, sometimes just me. But for other family members, it would be a whole tumult if the DID come - "wow! did you see who is here... so nice of them to make it!" After I didn't go to a couple of simchos - different reasons, just could not make it - people just accept it. They know we would love to be there, but the logistics just dont always work. I have gotten over the guilt, and when I started making simchos & people schlepped out to me - now they realize what an effort it is for me to make it to them! We try to go for simchos, but if it doesn't work out, don't sweat it.
Boruch Hashem for Simchos.
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amother
Cobalt
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Tue, Jan 24 2023, 6:42 pm
I do.
I am 35 with kids ranging in age from 2-15. I have k"ah approximately 100 first cousins each from my mother's side and my father's side. My husband's side is smaller and half live in Israel. I make an effort to attend every single one. Have I ever missed some? Yes, one I was in labor, another I wasn't feeling well, etc. but in general I make my utmost effort to go, for my aunt's sake, definitely for my grandmother, and even for the sake of my mother.
I know not all cousins put in as much effort as I do, but I was raised that family obligations are important, so even if it means taking a bus and hiring a babysitter and paying over $100 total, you do what you gotta do. Family is important and simchas are the main way we keep close. At this point, one side is nearly done, only 3 cousins left and my grandmother is no longer alive. On my husband's side, we had the last cousin from one side about 4 years ago, and the other side still has a handful left.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jan 24 2023, 6:47 pm
| amother Cobalt wrote: | I do.
I am 35 with kids ranging in age from 2-15. I have k"ah approximately 100 first cousins each from my mother's side and my father's side. My husband's side is smaller and half live in Israel. I make an effort to attend every single one. Have I ever missed some? Yes, one I was in labor, another I wasn't feeling well, etc. but in general I make my utmost effort to go, for my aunt's sake, definitely for my grandmother, and even for the sake of my mother.
I know not all cousins put in as much effort as I do, but I was raised that family obligations are important, so even if it means taking a bus and hiring a babysitter and paying over $100 total, you do what you gotta do. Family is important and simchas are the main way we keep close. At this point, one side is nearly done, only 3 cousins left and my grandmother is no longer alive. On my husband's side, we had the last cousin from one side about 4 years ago, and the other side still has a handful left. |
I don't mind hiring a sitter. The problem is finding a sitter! It's an impossible task. I had a steady girl that came, but the last few times my toddler woke up and wouldn't calm down. So she doesn't want to come anymore. So I'm basically stuck.
Besides for the fact that DH works from 5AM-7PM and to turn right back around after an hour travel for another 1.5 hours of travel, is torture for him.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jan 24 2023, 6:56 pm
| amother Cobalt wrote: | Bh by now my oldest can babysit, but boy do I remember the years of making 20 calls to find a girl to babysit. Every girl I called who said no, I asked if she knows of anyone else. I usually call about a week before, but there were times where I only settled on someone the day of.
As for your DH's travel, I can't relate since DH works locally. Is there a bus you can take? A ride with a sibling or another cousin you can get? This way DH can stay at his workplace and you meet him at the wedding hall and go back home with him. Can your Dh take a quick nap when he gets home and you leave at 8? Can you go with someone else and leave DH home to babysit?
I'm not saying you are obligated to do any of this, but these are the ideas I would try. |
I sometimes take the bus to meet DH, but he likes to shower before weddings. I'm uncomfortable asking a couple for ride. Kh with weddings often every 2 weeks, this schedule becomes unsustainable.
There used to be more girls available to babysit but most schools don't allow anymore and the girls that are able to come, and I'm very careful with who I bring in to my home. I once had a girl show my kids a movie on her phone. Since then I don't really bring strangers to babysit.
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mommyhood
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Tue, Jan 24 2023, 7:25 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I sometimes take the bus to meet DH, but he likes to shower before weddings. I'm uncomfortable asking a couple for ride. Kh with weddings often every 2 weeks, this schedule becomes unsustainable.
There used to be more girls available to babysit but most schools don't allow anymore and the girls that are able to come, and I'm very careful with who I bring in to my home. I once had a girl show my kids a movie on her phone. Since then I don't really bring strangers to babysit. |
Every 2 weeks is not sustainable for a family with young children I definitely wouldn’t feel obligated to go that often. But I would reconsider asking couples for rides on occasion especially if they’re relatives.
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