Painful poetry and prose

amother

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:19 am

Ouch
It hurts

I'm carrying so much pain inside
My head hurts, I want to hide
The balloon is filling with so much air
More and more being pumped in there

Carrying
More
And more
And more

Stretched
Thinner
And thinner
And thinner

I want to dump my pain in words
Wish it would fly with the birds
The balloon is see through for sure
Pulled so thin, it can't hold more

Holding
More
And more
And more

Stretched
Thinner
And thinner
And thinner

I grab a sheet of paper and a pen
Needing to let go and feel some Zen
The balloon is growing, about to burst
Gotta get the words out first

Growing
More
And more
And more

Pulled
Thinner
And thinner
And thinner

Onto paper, I dump my pain
Writing faster than a train
The pain is strong
I don't have long

Writing
Faster
And faster
And faster

Train is speeding
Lost track of time
Is this a poem
Does it rhyme

Not much left
Pulled so taut
Quicker quicker
Words are sought

Aaahh, got the words out
I want to share
For your feedback
I want to hear

I seek your support
I share for you to see
Heading into court
Unknowingly

This is what
I want you to say
You're loved
It will be ok
You're special
You'll have a good day

Instead
Prick
With a pin
Sssssss

Mocking
Knocking
Oh how shocking

Air hissing right out of the hole
Hurting, searing like hot coal
My expression you mocked
My words you knocked

Is that a poem? Is what you said
I feel so hurt, I feel dead
You don't like the way I write
I call it a poem, you said not quite
Frum poetry is just strange
They're just words with a change

Are you a judge?
Is this the court?
All I want
Is your support

I was pulled so taut
Stretched so thin
You pricked my balloon
With a pin

Deflated whatever was left
Now I'm feeling so bereft
My heart is burning from the ache
Tears are coming, my shoulders shake

Deflated
More
And more
And more

Shrinking
Smaller
And smaller
And smaller

I pull myself back in my shell
Sharing pain doesn't end so well
I'll keep my hurt buried inside
I want to share I really tried

I can't risk being hurt once more
It hits me hard, in my core
Suffering in silence as in the past
I don't know how this will last

What will happen when the balloon's pulled too much
Will I explode at the slightest touch
Can I hold so much pain in there
Or will it break me, beyond repair?

Sinking
Deeper
And deeper
And deeper

I won't share
I won't share
I won't share

amother

Cappuccino

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:28 am

watergirl wrote:

Please assume that those comments are not referring to the poems here and are only referring to the ones published in the frum magazines and books. I want to assume no one here would intentionally hurt the people here who are sharing and being vulnerable.

Nearly everyone here who shares and is vulnerable gets hurt.
Unless they’re being beaten black and blue or are so poor they’re starving.
Poetry or not, this isn’t a good place to share pain and expect support.

watergirl

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:43 am

amother Cappuccino wrote:

I disagree. This is the perfect place to share pain and expect support. As long as they understand they will not get ONLY support, they will have to shift through other comments along the way.

If someone can not offer support and instead offers mean and harsh words, that person is wrong for doing that. Don't victim blame.

Having said that, if someone comes here to express pain and expect support, they need to do so and also expect people to reply in not nice ways because we can't control other people and it's also the nature of social media (and this is social media) for people to be mean and hide behind their computers.

Someone who is so fragile that they can not take the bad that comes with the good need more support than this site is meant to offer. There are a lot of this kind of poster here, and knowing we have no idea who they are, we all need to keep in mind that anyone could be that fragile, and respond kindly, or skip.

ectomorph

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 3:11 pm

watergirl wrote:

Thank you thank you.

We need to value other people expressing themselves. Don't like don't read.

amother

Gold

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:25 pm

Yes preach! I always express my feelings and pain through what I call poetry . Others call rhyme. I have always been complimented on my writing and I’ve touched many souls through my writing. Yet when I come on here , I’m told my writing and my style is not considered poetry . It’s mocked. It’s made fun of by people who like to consider themselves more knowledgeable and educated. They are just snobs trying to hurt someone. Knock someone down, to pick themselves up. This site is full of that. All the time. You don’t like something you read. That’s ok. Move on. No need to hurt the people who feel good knowing they have a talent. I had a business where I wrote what I consider poetry . People paid me money for it. I stopped the business because of the comments here. It’s important to know what possible damage or pain can be inflicted by one post.

amother

Fern

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:08 pm

I do have pretty high standards for what I consider good poetry.

But one of the things I realized with time is that not everyone needs the highest standard.

I may know what professional photography looks like, but plenty of people are happy with what I would consider mediocre photos. I can tell what a real professional fondant cake looks like, but for a 5 year old's birthday party, why on earth should I be holding a cake to that standard?

Once I realized that, I was much more able to see the beauty of the amateur poetry, art, ads, cakes, pictures, and plays.

Those who do a good job at the amateur level would probably be able to refine and perfect their talents with training. But who says they want or need that training to express themselves? Who says they need to invest that time or money when they are already sharing something valuable with the world?

There may be very few Olympic level gymnasts in the world, but that should not stop the millions of others from expressing themselves joyfully through gymnastics. And those who critique them by comparing them to the medalists are the ones who are the fools.

amother

Buttercup

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 12:49 am

Judging the writing and judging the writer are entirely different things. When someone comes here and writes something that expresses her feelings, she deserves emotional support, not literary criticism.

If someone comes on to ask for help in writing a rhyme for a thank you note, It's ok to tell her, before the fact, that heartfelt prose works just as well.

Many years ago, a friend of mine was going through a very difficult situation. Sometimes she would email a group of us her poems. We all wrote nice things in response. After the situation was over, this friend took her poetry to various Jewish publishers. None of them were interested. This wasn't a surprise, because as poetry, the stuff was pretty terrible. My friend was shocked. All of her literary friends had told her how good it was. It was great - as emotional outpouring. It wasn't great as poetry. And that's fine.