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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
S/o finance shaming



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Do you want such a forum?
Yes  
 55%  [ 15 ]
No  
 44%  [ 12 ]
Total Votes : 27



amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:01 pm
Can we get a forum for “judgement free finance related questions”

No bashing those that don’t spend like you, that have more than you, that have different lifestyle than you.
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DustyDiamonds




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:05 pm
Interesting idea.

And yet, I wonder if I’d think of posting in there, rather than in the “fashion and beauty” forum, when I’m looking for a party dress up to $1000?

And would I remember to post in there when I post that I’m looking for a steak recipe that can be prepared in advance and frozen for a large sheva Brachos that I’ll be hosting, instead of the recipe section?
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NechaMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:06 pm
amother OP wrote:
Can we get a forum for “judgement free finance related questions”

No bashing those that don’t spend like you, that have more than you, that have different lifestyle than you.

No. This whole site should just be judgement free.
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amother
Obsidian


 

Post Wed, Jan 25 2023, 11:38 pm
Or make a "First Reactions Finance Related" thread so everyone who wants a place to complain about the vacations when they're having a hard time buying eggs can do so without derailing the thread.

(I'm having a hard time affording eggs right now, for reference. But hopefully I am grown up enough that I can understand that my personal financial status is irrelevant to someone else's.)
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amother
Zinnia


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 8:27 am
Yes! I've wanted to ask for such a forum for a while. Not because I'm wealthy or flaunting anything, but because I very often hesitate from the frugal judgers here.
Some examples of topics that set people off:
-shoes (innocent op: what shoes are in style for fifth grade girls? Unhinged answers: why do you care?!??!?! Get her what she wants, why are you torturing her?!?!!?!)

-jewlery (innocent op: dh wants to buy me diamond earrings for our 10th anniversary. What style should I go for? Apx $2000. Unhinged answers: I haven't gotten jewelry since my chuppah!!!! There's no reason for this!!! The fact that you're married for ten years is the gift!!!!!!!!! And if you must get earrings, here's a link to a yellow gold diamond chip huggie earring from Macy's for $159.)

-purses (innocent op: need a new hand bag, up to $350. What brands are in and are also xyz size? Unhinged answers: Amazon has bags under $20???? Why are you obsessed with fitting in??? Seek therapy!!!!!!!!)

-Kids clothing (innocent op: what style of clothing can I get my daughters. Frum store links please! Answers: frum stores are expensive! Why do you shop there??????)

-baby gifts (ie push presents) I'm not even going here.

And so on.

I'd love a forum where I can ask questions like the above (mostly fashion for my kids because I was a misfit growing up and still don't have an eye for it and want to spare my kids) without the probable de-railing of the thread and having to defend why my 10 year old deserves shoes that don't stick out, and me having to explain that she also doesn't know what's in but that I keep getting it wrong and she's starting to feel it...till I'm blue in the face.
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:03 pm
I think we need to stop the finance shaming in the other direction as well. The how dare you spend anything above bare basics if you're not paying full tuition. No cleaning help, no trips, no new clothing, no birthday parties, no restaurant meals or takeout food ever.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:06 pm
amother OP wrote:
Can we get a forum for “judgement free finance related questions”

No bashing those that don’t spend like you, that have more than you, that have different lifestyle than you.

I just skewed your poll- I accidentally clicked no but I meant yes.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:07 pm
NechaMom wrote:
No. This whole site should just be judgement free.

I definitely agree with that, but let’s be realistic…


Last edited by Ema of 5 on Thu, Jan 26 2023, 6:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:16 pm
NechaMom wrote:
No. This whole site should just be judgement free.
That doesn't really work with real people having real opinions and bringing their whole baggage with them. Maybe if it was an ai site, then maybe.
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Chickensoupprof




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:30 pm
Everyone spends their money differently even someone who is a billionaire can be judging another billionaire and someone who has a low income can judge a low income. I'm middle class and buy in sales, but I don't have 4 different winter coats but I do buy expensive shoes (in sales) due to my very difficult wide feet. Also depends on the culture and where you are from
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:56 pm
I think fears of other people's judgments makes managing our own financial situation so much more difficult. Like let's say you accumulated credit card debt to meet basic expenses. That's bad, right? But you can't let your kids go hungry because you don't want to go into cc debt. That's bad too. So you need to earn more money somehow but you're already working and there aren't enough hours in the day.

When there's no fear of judgment it's easier to think logically and make decisions from a place of strength and security. Like, no I don't like the situation right now, I wish it was different but this is what we're dealing with now at this moment.
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 1:57 pm
ShishKabob wrote:
That doesn't really work with real people having real opinions and bringing their whole baggage with them. Maybe if it was an ai site, then maybe.


This is true.

If you are in a sensitive emotional place this site isn't the best place to hang out. Or social media in general.
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Trademark




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:16 am
Ema of 5 wrote:
I definitely agree with that, but let’s be realistic…


I don't think such a forum will be very different from the others. Eventually it will look the same as the other threads unless there is strong moderation, which is probably not feasible.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:17 am
Trademark wrote:
I don't think such a forum will be very different from the others. Eventually it will look the same as the other threads unless there is strong moderation, which is probably not feasible.

Exactly
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