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The Beckman’s - Ami Serial
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amother
Hawthorn


 

Post Fri, Mar 17 2023, 9:15 am
Definitely does have a basis in reality. unfortunately

ask anyone who has a dysfunctional prima donna/crybully or truly damaged person who everyone dances around and walks on eggshells with
and whose family has a business or other means of money

money and poor middos make for a toxic brew
then again so does lack of money and poor middos

personality disorders wreak havoc on families -- getting into dysfunctional patterns happen insidiously over time, sometimes parents cater to the weak, sometimes family narratives are very skewed, sometimes parents feel guilty or fearful and try everything and/or think the child will outgrow their issues....the list goes on and on and next thing one knows its wake up time to an unsustainable dysfunctional dynamic

professional intervention is required for the whole family system asap
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amother
Whitewash


 

Post Sun, Mar 19 2023, 12:01 am
amother Hawthorn wrote:
Definitely does have a basis in reality. unfortunately

ask anyone who has a dysfunctional prima donna/crybully or truly damaged person who everyone dances around and walks on eggshells with
and whose family has a business or other means of money

money and poor middos make for a toxic brew
then again so does lack of money and poor middos

personality disorders wreak havoc on families -- getting into dysfunctional patterns happen insidiously over time, sometimes parents cater to the weak, sometimes family narratives are very skewed, sometimes parents feel guilty or fearful and try everything and/or think the child will outgrow their issues....the list goes on and on and next thing one knows its wake up time to an unsustainable dysfunctional dynamic

professional intervention is required for the whole family system asap

Just read it - unfortunately our family is going through something similar and the human drama is very realistic.

What I WAS surprised about was the assumption that legally, the son got everything, and assuming they live in a Western country, this is not the case.

Any bank accounts would be frozen and any shared accounts with his wife go automatically to the wife, not the son. Unless the father had put his son on all the deeds originally... which is very unlikely. So this part, to me, did not make sense.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Sun, Mar 19 2023, 12:46 pm
amother Royalblue wrote:
Oh my!
Really hard to believe that such Dinis exist in real life. I mean, not just spoiled and entitled, but so stupid to backhandedly bash the food and accomodations by others when they're right there and everyone knows who they're talking about.



Her name is Dina. Dini was the spoiled bully in Riva Pomerantz's Diamond dust serial a while ago LOL
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amother
Poppy


 

Post Sun, Mar 19 2023, 12:50 pm
amother Whitewash wrote:
Just read it - unfortunately our family is going through something similar and the human drama is very realistic.

What I WAS surprised about was the assumption that legally, the son got everything, and assuming they live in a Western country, this is not the case.

Any bank accounts would be frozen and any shared accounts with his wife go automatically to the wife, not the son. Unless the father had put his son on all the deeds originally... which is very unlikely. So this part, to me, did not make sense.


It said that the father had already transferred the business to his son's name.

And sounds like there isn't much money in personal bank accounts -- all the money is going to this selfish brat and there's nothing left for anyone else.
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amother
Whitewash


 

Post Sun, Mar 19 2023, 1:38 pm
amother Poppy wrote:
It said that the father had already transferred the business to his son's name.

And sounds like there isn't much money in personal bank accounts -- all the money is going to this selfish brat and there's nothing left for anyone else.

Who's name is the house under?

And I don't understand. If it's his legally, what is everyone thinking? Why are they demanding money? It's his, not theirs. I don't get it?
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amother
Bottlebrush


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:05 am
amother Whitewash wrote:
Just read it - unfortunately our family is going through something similar and the human drama is very realistic.

What I WAS surprised about was the assumption that legally, the son got everything, and assuming they live in a Western country, this is not the case.

Any bank accounts would be frozen and any shared accounts with his wife go automatically to the wife, not the son. Unless the father had put his son on all the deeds originally... which is very unlikely. So this part, to me, did not make sense.


It keeps on talking about the business, which the son seems to play a vital role in, so it would make 'more sense for the son to have some sort of 'ownership' vs personal account. Or even if not ownership, the know-how, with the mother wanted to stay completely out of the business.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:34 am
amother Whitewash wrote:
Just read it - unfortunately our family is going through something similar and the human drama is very realistic.

What I WAS surprised about was the assumption that legally, the son got everything, and assuming they live in a Western country, this is not the case.

Any bank accounts would be frozen and any shared accounts with his wife go automatically to the wife, not the son. Unless the father had put his son on all the deeds originally... which is very unlikely. So this part, to me, did not make sense.

Exactly.
And even halachickly Rabbanim in our time dont Pasken like that, that everything belongs to the son.
Until now I only felt bad for Esti , now I think she’s also acting disgusting with her mindset that her mother in law needs to ask Eli permission before taking a mortgage.
It’s a shame that the father in law didn’t arrange a halachuc Will.
Because They’re all sick in the head and need major help ASAP.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:38 am
amother Whitewash wrote:
Who's name is the house under?

And I don't understand. If it's his legally, what is everyone thinking? Why are they demanding money? It's his, not theirs. I don't get it?

It seems that it’s owned by the business which the mother, sisters and their husbands aren’t involved in.
And halachicky only the son inherits unless there’s a Will.

But nobody does that.
Just like halachicky nobody needs to support their child past six years old, and still nobody kicks their children to the curb at six years old. It’s accepted practice to raise and support children to adulthood properly.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:41 am
Am I the only one who finds Eli and Esti’s behaviour more troublesome than Dina?
Eli- the way he treats his wife
Esti- the way she brazenly wants Eli to own all the family assets and feels it’s really and truly all Eli’s.
Sick.
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amother
Whitewash


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:54 am
amother OP wrote:
It seems that it’s owned by the business which the mother, sisters and their husbands aren’t involved in.
And halachicky only the son inherits unless there’s a Will.

But nobody does that.
Just like halachicky nobody needs to support their child past six years old, and still nobody kicks their children to the curb at six years old. It’s accepted practice to raise and support children to adulthood properly.

Right, what's so strange is the authors assumption that everything is automatically Eli's, as the only son. They keep saying that. But it's not such a given in today's world... not at all. Plus, there's all the legal red tape which everyone seems to blissfully unaware. Legally, how does Eli have automatic access? The estate needs to go through probate... we dont live in the middle ages anymore.
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amother
Brickred


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:55 am
amother OP wrote:
Am I the only one who finds Eli and Esti’s behaviour more troublesome than Dina?
Eli- the way he treats his wife
Esti- the way she brazenly wants to own all the family money and feels it’s really and truly all Eli’s.
Sick.


I don’t think that’s the case.
She just wants to have access to her husband at least as easily as his family does.
And she doesn’t understand why her husband does all the work, and she doesn’t get to see him, while his earnings go to his sister.
And she can’t even get herself a new Sheitel shen she needs one.
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amother
Whitewash


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 12:56 am
amother OP wrote:
Exactly.
And even halachickly Rabbanim in our time dont Pasken like that, that everything belongs to the son and daughter in law.
Until now I only felt bad for Esti , now I think she’s also acting disgusting with her mindset that her mother in law needs to ask Eli permission before taking a mortgage.
It’s a shame that the father in law didn’t arrange a halachuc Will.
Because They’re all nutcases sick in the head and need major help ASAP.

Halachically the wife does not inherit, and yes, many people stick to that, even today. So his mother would not be able to take out a mortgage (she would be able to live in the house, but not have control. This is common even today). And who's paying for it exactly? Financially this story does not make sense.
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it’s okay!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 1:04 am
In one of the early chapters they mentioned an uncle talking to Eli about a will. I also remember Esti asking about it but she didn’t get a proper answer from Eli (I think). So I keep thinking that there might have been a will after all, and it will somehow make a big difference in the story.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 6:05 am
amother Whitewash wrote:
Halachically the wife does not inherit, and yes, many people stick to that, even today. So his mother would not be able to take out a mortgage (she would be able to live in the house, but not have control. This is common even today). And who's paying for it exactly? Financially this story does not make sense.

Still .
Halachicly your kids need to pay their own tuition since first grade.
Nobody does that.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 6:11 am
amother Brickred wrote:
I don’t think that’s the case.
She just wants to have access to her husband at least as easily as his family does.
And she doesn’t understand why her husband does all the work, and she doesn’t get to see him, while his earnings go to his sister.
And she can’t even get herself a new Sheitel shen she needs one.

That’s what I thought also until the chapter where they talk about the mother’s house and Esti says that it belongs to Eli. And that his mother shouldn’t take a mortgage without his permission etc, that’s nuts.
The whole story is nuts in my opinion.
Halachicly Halachicly …. Halachicly … Halachicly people can do all types of things, our Rabbanim pasken differently and the Torah says to listen to Rabbanim.
Why isn’t anyone in the Entire Beckman family talking to a Rav? Ever?
Because the Rav would set them straight and that would ruin all the fun in the story.
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amother
Poppy


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 9:09 am
If there's no will then yes, halachically everything goes to the sons. Yes, even today - the halacha hasn't changed.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 9:18 am
It seemscthat the business was given to Eli while his father was still alive thus it has nothing to do with a will.
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amother
Daffodil


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 9:27 am
Sounded like the business had been going downhill and Eli was the 1 who saved it
I don't see Esti as being unreasonable
My question is why Dina was raised to be a brat, both parents seemed to indulge her every whim...
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amother
Coral


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 10:02 am
OP you hate Eli?

I hate Dina. And the Dinas IRL. I promise you if you had such a sil, you'd hate her too.

She invites herself, makes her demands, and every time she cries, the family bows down to her??

She is entitled to everything she wants. She takes advantage of everyone around her.

Where is her husband in the picture? She lost her father, not her spouse or child. Her mother is a much bigger pity...(I just lost my father)

Everyone should stop babying her... Eli should stand up for his family, and stop tending to her craziness.

It's all family drama and nonsense.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 20 2023, 10:20 am
amother Coral wrote:
OP you hate Eli?

I hate Dina. And the Dinas IRL. I promise you if you had such a sil, you'd hate her too.

She invites herself, makes her demands, and every time she cries, the family bows down to her??

She is entitled to everything she wants. She takes advantage of everyone around her.

Where is her husband in the picture? She lost her father, not her spouse or child. Her mother is a much bigger pity...(I just lost my father)

Everyone should stop babying her... Eli should stand up for his family, and stop tending to her craziness.

It's all family drama and nonsense.

I really dislike Dina, she’s a massive brat, but it’s so clear that she’s a spoiled nutcase.
The other unhealthiness is more subtle.
Eli needs to learn what a marriage is.
Dina needs to learn that Halacha is forever and Torah is eternal but Hashem Himself put in the Torah that each generation should ask their Rabbanim how to apply it for their time.
She shouldn’t feel that her mother in laws house is really all Eli’s.

For example , with a gett, a husband still needs to be the one to give it but even the most right wing Rabbanim make sure that aside for that technicality women should be on completely equal footing in this generation. Etc.
Just because a dh has that technical ‘power’ doesn’t mean he can do as he pleases.
Same goes.

Eli has halachick power on the house and on the business (if there’s no will) but he still can’t do as he pleases.
Because Rabbanim don’t pasken like that , they say that daughters should also inherit and it needs to be done halachicly well, like with writing a halachic Will for example.

They just need to make sure that it’s all fair and healthy and normal and that Halacha wasn’t broken in the end.
And they need Rabbanim to guide them if they can’t figure themselves out on their own.
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