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S/o flaunting- Lexus with Camry interior



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 8:29 am
The Rav of a shul in our neighborhood mentioned something thought provoking. He said if you want to know if you are living your life for yourself or for others consider:

If someone offered you a Camry with the interior and features of a Lexus or a Lexus with the inner workings of a Camry which would you take? The answers were very telling.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:10 am
I believe it's possible to buy cloth coats with mink linings. Same idea.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:14 am
I think that rabbi just alienated some of his donors and cut the shul's budget in half.

Every person's relationship with their money is between themselves and Hashem. If a rav felt he needed to give mussar to someone specific, I think there may have been a better way to do it.
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amother
Steel


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:18 am
Why are these the only options? And why are we in a place that we need so many speeches about externals? Why is everyone looking at what externals the next guy has? I don’t understand why the severe jealousy is yet to be addressed as a community.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:20 am
watergirl wrote:
I think that rabbi just alienated some of his donors and cut the shul's budget in half.

Every person's relationship with their money is between themselves and Hashem. If a rav felt he needed to give mussar to someone specific, I think there may have been a better way to do it.

What prompted it may have been the proliferation of heavy wood carved style wedding invitations that have been going around. He mentioned that spending money on an upgraded meal is a legitimate use of one’s money within reason. Those invitations are simply money burned to impressed others and mean that one is living for others adulation, respect, or admiration, not for himself.

He then proceeded to give the משל of the Lexus. From what I heard the speech resonated with everyone in the shul.
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amother
Darkblue


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:22 am
Ashamed to admit I would take the outer lexus. Yikes.
Maybe it's because I'm poor and can't afforrd it while living in a very wealthy community
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:18 am
amother Darkblue wrote:
Ashamed to admit I would take the outer lexus. Yikes.
Maybe it's because I'm poor and can't afforrd it while living in a very wealthy community


I’m good with my Camry inside and out. And I can lease the Lexus if I want.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 10:24 am
It's a thought I've also had.
Things that are seen externally I feel like people care about more, whether it's strollers or coat brands.

I don't see many threads about the best pac n play or linen set... Less peer pressure and social standing affected.

Sure there are other variables, but to a degree.

Maybe to compare apples to apples: best handbag there are threads pretty often, but not about wallets which also have functionality and durability considerations, but don't get seen as much by others.

Just my thoughts and I'm sure people will poke holes in this theory 😀
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 11:06 am
LOL. DD was recently telling me that the Avalon was like the Lexus without the trimming. They stopped making it because people want the Lexus.

(she was in the market for a new car and really wanted an Avalon, but ended up getting a Camry.)

Tells you something about the US. Not just frum Jews.
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amother
Bluebell


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 11:10 am
watergirl wrote:
I think that rabbi just alienated some of his donors and cut the shul's budget in half.

Every person's relationship with their money is between themselves and Hashem. If a rav felt he needed to give mussar to someone specific, I think there may have been a better way to do it.


Since when do we avoid speaking up about what we think is right bec we are afraid of the donors? A rav’s job is to give mussar.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 11:12 am
amother OP wrote:
What prompted it may have been the proliferation of heavy wood carved style wedding invitations that have been going around. He mentioned that spending money on an upgraded meal is a legitimate use of one’s money within reason. Those invitations are simply money burned to impressed others and mean that one is living for others adulation, respect, or admiration, not for himself.

He then proceeded to give the משל of the Lexus. From what I heard the speech resonated with everyone in the shul.


RE the bolded,

why?
Isn’t a simple meal just as nourishing and healthy as an upgraded high end one? Don’t they both end up looking the same after being digested?
(I disagree with the notion that people need to shamed for using their own money, but I want to understand why this one is ok and fancy invitiations aren’t? Who makes the rules? Your rav?)
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 11:16 am
amother OP wrote:
What prompted it may have been the proliferation of heavy wood carved style wedding invitations that have been going around. He mentioned that spending money on an upgraded meal is a legitimate use of one’s money within reason. Those invitations are simply money burned to impressed others and mean that one is living for others adulation, respect, or admiration, not for himself.

He then proceeded to give the משל of the Lexus. From what I heard the speech resonated with everyone in the shul.

Ok. I have never seen this kind of invitation before. But what is really the difference between spending the money on upgraded food or an invitation? It all goes into the garbage once it's done. AN invitation goes into the literal trash and to be crass, food gets digested and also turned into waste. Why is one thing more legitimate and less of a flex than the other? Both are showing that they have a lot of money. Sure, you can tell yourself and others that you want to show them a good time and serve a meal for them to enjoy... but if you are being honest, the menu that's not upgraded will be enjoyed hastily between dancing sets just as much as the upgraded one. A wedding is really a weird place to provide a fancy feast... who is really enjoying themselves and the food, with a table of whoever the host put you with, usually not with your spouse, horrifically loud music, and in a short time before you have to get up? Usually the food is served during the dancing and is cold and congealed by the time anyone gets to it.

Again, if the rav saw an issue in his kehilla with wooden invitations, he should address the next sets of parents of engaged couples privately.

I am not anywhere close to this kind of income bracket (we make just about 100k between the two of us) and yes this kind of thing really rubs me the wrong way. There is a way to give over this message, but I don't think anyone is going to be cancelling their invitation order because of a drash.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 26 2023, 12:43 pm
amother Bluebell wrote:
Since when do we avoid speaking up about what we think is right bec we are afraid of the donors? A rav’s job is to give mussar.
This This This
Seems like an outdated mindset though.
I'm so happy these Rabbis still exist! You made my day!
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