Frustrated with my sons cheder

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:17 am

I am extremely frustrated and feel like there isnt anything I can do about this. Please tell me some other people on here have this problem. My 4 year old son is an absolute joy to be around *only when* he isn't in cheder for a few days, like over the weekend or yom tov.

On the days he goes to cheder he comes home wild as anything, with half a bag of nosh, can be violent with me and just plain rude. I don't know what it is. If your son doesn't do this, which cheder is he in because I want in.

tinyspark

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:22 am

Not sure if it is the cheder. I would ask him what he does in school or take out mentchies and play " school " with him. If the teacher giving nosh can you get other parents on board too not to give .
You can also ask a friend to come observe him/ or you yourself for an hr. in school to get an idea what's going on.

amother

Aconite

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:23 am

I had boys in 2 different chadarim. No, this is not the norm. Can you speak to the Rebbi? To other parents if you find something concerning?

amother

Moccasin

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:23 am

What a terrible way to paint all chassidish Chedarim with one brush stroke. You think kids in litvish or MO yeshivas don’t come home wild? My sons don’t come home this way; they come home happy, bubbly, and full of a love for torah and yiddishkeit. You can ask for advice on how to speak to the rebbe to figure out what’s wrong but to blame your son’s bad behavior on chassidish chedarim. Wow.

Are you feeding him healthy snacks when he gets home? Maybe he’s not used to the schedule and needs a nap? Way to blame others.

amother

DarkCyan

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:31 am

Something isn't working for him in cheder. Might be the bus, the teacher or rebbi, maybe he's tired, maybe he doesn't like the school lunches and he's hungry, maybe he still needs a nap, maybe he doesn't want to use the school bathroom and he's uncomfortable....

You need to try to get to the bottom of it and see what can be done to help him. Have you spoken to the rebbi? Tell him your son comes home irritable, he can look out more for your son, make sure he's eating properly and see if he can help you get to the bottom of it.

When you shmooze with your son, what does he say about cheder? Do they have proper supervision in classroom and bus? Does he go happily?

I guess in addition to mommy's being a doctor, nurse, chef, and therapist, we are also detectives! Hope you can figure out what's bothering him and come up with a solution.

amother

DarkCyan

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:34 am

amother OP wrote:

Going to answer this very literally. My boys don't do this and they are in tzanz Monsey.

Why are you jumping to think this is the cheders issue? Why not specifically with your child in this environment? If you tried talking to them and they aren't being helpful then I can hear the resentment. Have you tried anything?

amother

Jean

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 12:48 am

My 4 year old is in a Chassidish cheder in BP and is doing amazing BH. Thank you.

amother

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 1:05 am

amother DarkCyan wrote:

Well I'm not sure what the issue is exactly. I've had a few situations with the cheder that is making me believe I won't be heard (my son is off dairy and they gave him dairy, when I called to ask if he had dairy because he had a tummy ache, they said oh. he cant have dairy?) Mind you, I sent 2 allergy notes at the beginning of the year, it isn't an allergy but to please not give him etc.

Last edited by amother on Fri, Jan 27 2023, 2:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 1:06 am

amother DarkCyan wrote:

so the thing is he loves cheder, he loves to go, he has friends. He's happy there...

amother

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 1:08 am

amother Aconite wrote:

I had boys in 2 different chadarim. No, this is not the norm. Can you speak to the Rebbi? To other parents if you find something concerning?

his teacher had a baby, so it's been hard to get in contact with anyone

amother

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 1:09 am

amother Jean wrote:

My 4 year old is in a Chassidish cheder in BP and is doing amazing BH. Thank you.

which?

amother

Orange

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 2:01 am

My 6 year old son is in Skver and I have the same issue.
I think the day is too long and heavy for him.

I sometimes keep him home just because, so he can have a day off.

amother

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 2:10 am

amother Orange wrote:

My 6 year old son is in Skver and I have the same issue.
I think the day is too long and heavy for him.

I sometimes keep him home just because, so he can have a day off.

I would love to keep him home! I would love to homeschool. But I know that isn't so accepted around here....

amother

Orange

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 2:15 am

amother OP wrote:

I would love to keep him home! I would love to homeschool. But I know that isn't so accepted around here....

I don’t homeschool.
I just give him random days off.

amother

Raspberry

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 2:30 am

Skver cheder in which location?

amother

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 2:45 am

amother Orange wrote:

I don’t homeschool.
I just give him random days off.

how old is he? The cheder lets?

Last edited by amother on Fri, Jan 27 2023, 2:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Quince

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 5:57 am

SOmetimes four year olds are hyper, because they are tired. The day might be long and exhausting. There aer many amny impressions on him a lot of sensroy activity....it might just be too mich. Depending on class size and day structure - every kid at that age is a bit different and reacts to it differently. Too much sugar CAN but doesnt necessary HAVE to cause adhs or stam hyperactivity, so maybe your son reacts to that too.
The rebbe he is used to is absent or busy now, children can feel this and react to that too. Not evrery child is resilient and my even feel anxious in such a chase. He might not be able to express that verbally and react physically , be more violent than usual .
I wouldnt blame this cheder or generally cheders . its just maybe not an excellent fit at this time.
What would concern me is when the school ignors allergynotifications.
try to work WITH the school not agains ´t it. thats my biggest advice.
I have boys in litvish and chassidish cheder (dont ask its complicated Smile

) and im b´´H happy with both. my kids come home happy BUT that being said. I notice if the yate too little that day or had a bad night of sleep and come home exhausted they are less patient . I make sure to have fruit, snack or dinner ready when they come home (or when they are being picked up), there is a corner in the house where they can just play quietly...in the kitchen there is usually music , in the kids room there can be balagan (depending on the day, im not always on top of things as I work etc) BUT there is a quiet corner where they CAN play lego, read a book or just nap IF they want that.
I find that helps.

amother

Midnight

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 6:31 am

I have a girl in a modern orthodox day school and she gets like this (minus the nosh) some days. I find she's either hungry or tired (or both) and needs a good snack like yogurt to help reset her

watergirl

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 6:40 am

amother OP wrote:

I would love to keep him home! I would love to homeschool. But I know that isn't so accepted around here....

With all due respect, who cares what’s “accepted”? You’re going to sacrifice what you believe is right for your son based on what you think other people will think? Why does other people’s opinions mean so much that you parent according to them?

amother

Valerian

Fri, Jan 27 2023, 8:05 am

daysaway wrote:

how old is he? The cheder lets?

Preschool is universal that it’s fine to take off whenever. I do this about two days a year but they miss a lot more for sicknesses etc.

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