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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Frustrated with my sons cheder
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amother
Navy


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:21 am
amother Rainbow wrote:
My son's cheder does not allow the boys to eat the peklach in school. He brings them home closed in his briefcase. They only had 2 upsherins because they need to be 3 in November to start school.


In my school the boys having their upsherin, these boys are not yet in yeshiva, are brought in. Usually to the youngest grade. This means every family in the school plus younger families that are affiliated (or want to be) come in....it's a lot, especially as the school is bottom heavy and keeps adding classes.

Haha about not eating in class. The rebbes used to tell me to tape my peckelach shut when I brought my sons in!....but the pekelach my boys received were mostly consumed when they walked through the door. I guess on the bus? Either way, it actually was a bag of candy pretty often.....just validating the "bag of candy " comment from op.

(I don't think yhe candy is her problem though)
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amother
Bone


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:30 am
amother Dodgerblue wrote:
The fact that she wrote Cheder = chassidish. No one else calls it Cheder. So there's really no difference.


Actually no. Have you heard of 'the cheder' in Boro park?
Ateres chynka is there. Not chasidish.

Op, is you son eating lunch? I don't think mine is... He comes home hungry and mad. It's a really long bus ride. I send to satmar if it's helps you. They get 'melona' for snack some days.
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amother
Rainbow


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:33 am
amother Navy wrote:
In my school the boys having their upsherin, these boys are not yet in yeshiva, are brought in. Usually to the youngest grade. This means every family in the school plus younger families that are affiliated (or want to be) come in....it's a lot, especially as the school is bottom heavy and keeps adding classes.

Haha about not eating in class. The rebbes used to tell me to tape my peckelach shut when I brought my sons in!....but the pekelach my boys received were mostly consumed when they walked through the door. I guess on the bus? Either way, it actually was a bag of candy pretty often.....just validating the "bag of candy " comment from op.

(I don't think yhe candy is her problem though)


By us the upsherin boys go to kittah alef, not the youngest grade. That's how it is in all chedarim in our community. The 4 year old class does not get any upsherin peklach at all.
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Persevere




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:38 am
We are OOT yeshivish and BH have an excellent school. As you can imagine, I don't know much about chassidishe chadarim.

But just wanted to share that my 6 y/o son is often the same way after school (minus the nosh). I find that he's either hungry, tired, or needs the bathroom. It's really a tough time of day!

The most successful days are when I'm able to be fully present for him at that time of day (not busy with dinner cleaning the house etc). Much easier said than done. But when I am able to give my undivided attention to the kids, this time of day goes smoother.
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erm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:41 am
It is probably hard to be in a structured environment (even if they are playing it is still structured) all day and this his way of unwinding. I found that my son needed to play quietly by himself for a half hour when he came home without any “ how was your day” questions.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:46 am
I didn't read through all responses so this may be redundant.

4 year old is very young to be in school! My son at that age when he came home would walk outside for an hour straight just orienting back to life. There's a bus both ways which could be exhausting, sometimes with bigger kids on the bus that are intimidating. They need to follow a routine that may or may not match their temperament and abilities.

In many communities at that age kids are by a small group with a Mommy in her house, taken by car and not by bus. Even so just being away from Mommy could be hard.

Even kids who love it may not be in touch with how overstimulating it is for them. Think of when you take you kid to a mall or amusement park and he loves it and then he is all whiny afterwards and tantrumming. This is why.

I would just have a very soothing activity and snack waiting for him and just give him space to let off steam.

As he gets older he will cope better but he may have this personality to some degree always.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 9:53 am
amother Orange wrote:
My 6 year old son is in Skver and I have the same issue.
I think the day is too long and heavy for him.

I sometimes keep him home just because, so he can have a day off.


This!
My son is the same, I think the day is too structured and long for kids this age and most times the bus ride is too long as well.
I also keep him home once in awhile, or take him late.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 10:01 am
Everyone keeps saying how their son gets a lot of candy in yeshiva. My kids never get nosh there. Their shabbos party consists of a sip of grape juice and 2 pieces or corn pops or flutes…. He doesn’t have upsherin boys in his class as they are all 3 already.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 10:01 am
Does he take the bus home? I find its super overstimulating and the boys get super wild.
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amother
Petunia


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 10:11 am
Was he like this all year, or just since his teacher had a baby. Maybe the substitute teacher isn't as good / doesn't feel consistent.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 10:38 am
It's not uncommon for kids who behave really well at school to go crazy as soon as they get home when they can finally let loose. Instead of assuming you'd need to switch schools, I'd focus on learning what the schedule looks like and see if there are any accommodations that can be made. And then see what you can do at home that can allow him to let loose more safely.
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Mindfully




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 10:45 am
amother OP wrote:
his teacher had a baby, so it's been hard to get in contact with anyone


That is enough to upset s 4 year old
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amother
Steelblue


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:09 am
amother Rainbow wrote:
My son barely gets nosh in cheder and he comes home very calm every day bh.
I do not believe for a minute that a 4 year old comes home with a bag of nosh every day.
There was an Instagramer that publicly smeared chassidish cheder in Instagram a while back and claimed chassidish boys are wilder and more chutzpah than non chassidish boys, this OP seems similar to that.
Some kids come home hyper because they're hungry, tired, over stimulated. Not because they get a bag of nosh every day.


Yeah
OP is that instagrammer
Some of her posts were not anonymous
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:18 am
amother Steelblue wrote:
Yeah
OP is that instagrammer
Some of her posts were not anonymous


I figured it was her. It all makes sense now!
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amother
Freesia


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:21 am
amother Freesia wrote:
Yeah I'm getting that […] vibes....

I was right and yet this post of mine was edited. Gevaldig! Not.
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amother
Blushpink


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:25 am
Disagree about the chassidish part. some, chassidish schools produce wild kids. It's a minority. But si.e of those schools are larger schools which is even worse. I am chassidish and have seen it in boro park and to a lesser extent while but also in Lakewood.

Teachers having less of an education about children emotional development.

Bullies are looked at as leaders, machers, and the ones who can't push to get to the front of the line with is looked at as weak, vs a girl's class where the kids are disciplined for whispering on the line.

Actions are taught as mitzvah and middos but not every child's action fits under that umbrella. They care less about mannersSome schools have less supervision in the playground, and with too many kids on private busses with jewish drivers. (Non Jewish drivers are way more strict, and more demanding of manners)

In general some chassidish people care less about safety protacalls. which causes its own set of problems. A boys school that has a woman as secretary or nurse could tend to some of those problems.also schools are less organized.

Some schools have a parent who are afraid of the stigma of getting their son help and he's out of control but very charismatic and making the whole class wild.

It's possible some non chassidish yeshivas have this problem too.

This is usually not op son age can a mod please move this for me to a spinoff.

Thank you.
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amother
Valerian


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:31 am
You’re putting way too much blame on the sugar. Sorry. I saw your stories yesterday. He barely had two bites of his cookie.
Homeschool if you want. At least till kitah alef it won’t make any difference at all.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:43 am
Op, it’s not the cheder. It’s your kid. He has sensory issues as you mentioned in the past. He may benefit for a few ot sessions a week.
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imabeleiver




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:44 am
I have 2 sons in 2 different chasisidsh cheders TYH that was never my experience but rather rhe just the opposite they love cheder and on days off its hard on them whoever when they do act out from time to time not often at all I know it's about something going on in cheder like change of seat a kid bothering them and I get in touch with the rebbas

I would definitely dig deeper and see maybe somethings going on in cheder that's bothering him and that's how he's communicating his frustration maybe a kid is bothering him maybe the rebba the learning??
Have a talk with the menahel and the rebba

Good Lucka
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 11:46 am
amother Blushpink wrote:
Disagree about the chassidish part. some, chassidish schools produce wild kids. It's a minority. But si.e of those schools are larger schools which is even worse. I am chassidish and have seen it in boro park and to a lesser extent while but also in Lakewood.

Teachers having less of an education about children emotional development.

Bullies are looked at as leaders, machers, and the ones who can't push to get to the front of the line with is looked at as weak, vs a girl's class where the kids are disciplined for whispering on the line.

Actions are taught as mitzvah and middos but not every child's action fits under that umbrella. They care less about mannersSome schools have less supervision in the playground, and with too many kids on private busses with jewish drivers. (Non Jewish drivers are way more strict, and more demanding of manners)

In general some chassidish people care less about safety protacalls. which causes its own set of problems. A boys school that has a woman as secretary or nurse could tend to some of those problems.also schools are less organized.

Some schools have a parent who are afraid of the stigma of getting their son help and he's out of control but very charismatic and making the whole class wild.

It's possible some non chassidish yeshivas have this problem too.

This is usually not op son age can a mod please move this for me to a spinoff.

Thank you.


My boys are in a chasidish cheder. I’m extremely impressed with them. They are on top of every child. They put in a lot of work and effort. My kids are taught a lot about safety and they practice it. They also do no tolerate bullies. Bh my kids come home calm and content.
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