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If I opened my search to the entire US...
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amother
Thistle


 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 3:51 pm
Quote:
Houston has many of these.

Houston has none of these
Zero special ed services, some of the worst public schools in the country, real estate has gone up significantly, and services from the state are almost non existent (it is a Red state)
Yes, it has one of the biggest and best medical centers in the world, but the income limits for Medicaid are crazy low and private health insurance rates are some of the highest in the US

I've read many of your posts over the past few weeks and I really have to agree with the many posters that have urged you to look in New York City (and anyone who knows me IRL knows I NEVER suggest people move to NYC). Put aside right now the idea of buying and instead rent. Every single one of your other requirements will be fulfilled there and you'll really get the best services and Healthcare for you and your kids
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 4:29 pm
amother Thistle wrote:
Quote:
Houston has many of these.

Houston has none of these
Zero special ed services, some of the worst public schools in the country, real estate has gone up significantly, and services from the state are almost non existent (it is a Red state)
Yes, it has one of the biggest and best medical centers in the world, but the income limits for Medicaid are crazy low and private health insurance rates are some of the highest in the US

I've read many of your posts over the past few weeks and I really have to agree with the many posters that have urged you to look in New York City (and anyone who knows me IRL knows I NEVER suggest people move to NYC). Put aside right now the idea of buying and instead rent. Every single one of your other requirements will be fulfilled there and you'll really get the best services and Healthcare for you and your kids


Where in NYC do you recommend? Where can I find cheap rent and Jewish schools that will accommodate my extremely "OOT" kids with special needs?
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 4:37 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
How can I learn more about Overland Park, Kansas?


First, let me say I haven't been on in a little bit so there are a lot of things that are kind of flooring me. (Like coming back to the US and stbx. But I understand.) Next, I realize that you have to factor your kids' father in to any decision.
I think another primary consideration has to be vibrancy of community. You don't need a huge community. You may not want it. But you don't want a dying community or one that's in flux. Just my 2 cents, fwiw.

Hatzlacha! And hugs!!
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 4:40 pm
South Bend is really nice and a warm community but the frum community is tiny. unless it’s grown a lot in the last few years (I had close relatives I used to visit there regularly about 10-15 years ago), I had friends who were put in a different grade because there was on else in their age group. I think I remember the whole high school being something like 20 kids. I would also be hesitant to go there with complex medical needs unless you find out they have specialists for what you need. It’s a very small city ,
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 27 2023, 5:10 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
South Bend is really nice and a warm community but the frum community is tiny. unless it’s grown a lot in the last few years (I had close relatives I used to visit there regularly about 10-15 years ago), I had friends who were put in a different grade because there was on else in their age group. I think I remember the whole high school being something like 20 kids. I would also be hesitant to go there with complex medical needs unless you find out they have specialists for what you need. It’s a very small city ,


Size and school grade issues sound comparable to Rochester, doesn't worry me.
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amother
Dustypink


 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 2:56 pm
amother Narcissus wrote:
soon to be ex husband


I honestly thought it meant son of the b@tch ex. Lol
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Sebastian




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 6:39 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Where in NYC do you recommend? Where can I find cheap rent and Jewish schools that will accommodate my extremely "OOT" kids with special needs?



Marine park will be cheapest. You will have to give up on buying but the services you will get will make up for what you pay in housing
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amother
Black


 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 8:06 pm
With disabilities and Medicaid Texas cannot be under consideration. Strike that out immediately.

Baltimore might be an option if you can live in the county not the city. This would put you in a different, better school district. However the county part tends to be more expensive. I believe MD's Medicaid waivers are not as extensive but the health care there is excellent; one of my kids used to go to Kennedy Krieger and it was wonderful.

Philadelphia is affordable and has excellent health care and Medical Assistance is quite good. My child with autism automatically got Medicaid on a waiver (excluding our income) and it covered everything. However, Jewish special education is weak, and the School District of Philadelphia is ... not great and I say that as someone who sent to public school elsewhere.

If you can content yourself with renting and less space, the level of supports available in NYC is unbeatable. Lakewood doesn't come close.

I really can't think of anywhere inexpensive with a Jewish community that also has good government supports.
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amother
DarkCyan


 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 10:48 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
From what I've heard, Baltimore would be great if I could find a way to afford it. I don't need a lot of space, I'd consider buying an apartment or condo. I'm wary of the public schools in the area, and worried that 2 of my children won't be able to attend private Jewish schools due to their special needs. I have a sister not too far from there and a few friends in the area, so it would be nice. A few people told me Baltimore has a lot of support for single mothers, so that's great. I would definitely look into it again.

I don't know much about Waterbury besides that their yeshiva put out a few very funny YouTube videos a while back. Seems like a wholesome, warm community from the little that I learned when I looked it up a few years ago. I don't know anything about the schools or house pricing nowadays. I kind of remember not liking the look of things when I did a Zillow search back then though... kind of urban looking, if I'm remembering correctly. Although Baltimore seems the same in some areas too, I think.

Do you know if these have the resources I need?

My still-husband is now insisting that schools are his most important factor and he is still shoving Milwaukee down my throat. I'm very hesitant. I don't think I'd fit in there from the little that I know about it. He says they have a special needs school and everything is free. I also don't know if that's true either. I'm not buying into the idea that schools are the only main factor to consider or even "the biggest factor." He wants me to sacrifice everything to make sure the kids are all in Jewish schools. I keep trying to explain that, while that's obviously ideal, it's not necessarily practical (at least in the short term). We need to prioritize life skills and upping the kids' chances of independent adulthood over information they can learn from us at home or through supplemental Jewish learning programs. Hopefully they'll be able to mainstream in a Jewish school eventually, but for one of them it's unlikely in the foreseeable future. Choosing a community needs to be a whole package, not a single factor decision.

My frontrunner is South Bend because it had the community type that I want, housing prices within my reach, a Jewish school for at least one of my kids, and public schools with decent resources (by Midwest standards - nothing beats NYS), supplemental learning programs, other single mothers who fit into the community fine and are happy there (I've spoken with two of them). I have family there. There's a mix in hashkafa, and my husband can live near the yeshivish end and I can live near the MO end and everyone gets alone fine, according to everyone I've spoken with.

I would consider other places, but it needs to be a whole package, not a single factor. I told my still-husband that if he want the kids in the day school he might have to self-pay 2 full-time aides. All of the sudden he was more accepting of public school and the idea of hiring a rebbe to teach the kids outside of school hours. I'm putting a hard stop to any plan with glaring problems. Rolling Eyes Milwaukee might be great, but it's far away and a big unknown, and I DON'T FIT THE MOLD.* I need space to find myself again and heal from everything I've been through. I don't know what the end result will be, but I expect to be in flux for a while as I figure it out. I don't want to be judged on my outward appearance.

*Correct me if I'm wrong, Milwaukee imamothers....


Milwaukee does not have a Jewish special ed school! Not sure where your stbx is getting his information. Yes tuition is free, but the frum school doesn’t even have a special ed classroom. Special ed kids would need full time shadows in a mainstream classroom. I don’t know the situation at Hillel (run by Chabad with all types of kids including not frum), but I doubt they have a ton of resources for special ed either. It’s a small population with nothing like what’s available in the bigger cities.

As far as the community goes, it is warm and accepting of all types. The majority of people are right-wing, but there are a handful of MO who are very happy here. If you don’t mind being part of the handful, no one will look down on you or treat you differently. It’s very warm and friendly, but again, not a lot of resources to support single mothers.
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amother
DarkGray


 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 10:58 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Can you link to your Detroit thread?


Not a link, but I copied and pasted:

Detroit has a school called Eton Academy where the frum kids who can’t be placed in frum schools usually go. It’s specifically for high functioning special needs kids. Detroit has cheaper housing- but people in Lakewood and NY have already figured that out, so the prices are higher now. There isn’t public transportation or vouchers, but the community school (YBY/BY Detroit) takes care of everybody and the tuition committee is very fair. The committee is backed by the Jewish Federation in Detroit, which makes sure that every Jewish school of every denomination has what it needs to survive and some very generous donors. The school is not owned by a person, but by the frum community, which is why it can afford to take everyone who wants to follow the rules. Lastly, I was divorced with kids in Detroit and everyone was very kind to me.
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amother
Yarrow


 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 10:59 pm
It sounds like your family has lived in three places in the last year. It's hard to imagine that moving yet again would be to anyone's benefit.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 11:17 pm
How much can you afford to pay for rent?

What can you afford to pay for a house?

Do you have income? Will a potential landlord want to take you as a tenant?
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 11:21 pm
amother Yarrow wrote:
It sounds like your family has lived in three places in the last year. It's hard to imagine that moving yet again would be to anyone's benefit.


Except that our current situation is very bad and extremely temporary. We NEED to be out by next school year. Ideally earlier but I’m fighting to keep them in school until the end of the year and then this summer IyH have a permanent home for them. Stbx can follow or not follow but he can’t just complain and feed me false info (I figured out the Milwaukee thing with only a few hours of research and talking to a couple of people in the know. There is no special Ed Jewish school. They can’t even accommodate kids with my kids’ level of need).

Yes it’s a lot to move 4 times but believe me my kids know that our current setup is temporary. It’s shoved in their faces constantly. It breaks my heart.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 11:24 pm
amother Smokey wrote:
How much can you afford to pay for rent?

What can you afford to pay for a house?

Do you have income? Will a potential landlord want to take you as a tenant?


Depending on taxes, I can potentially afford a minimal down payment on a house in a place like south bend.

Right now I don’t have much income (I started freelancing again and immediately got a large order, but it’s still inconsistent income) but I’m job searching and BH it’s going quite well. I’ve made a significant shift in career focus and in which types of jobs I’m applying for. I’ve had a few interviews that have gone well. I’m hopeful something will come through very soon.

ETA yes I’m a good tenant. I can’t imagine I’d be at any disadvantage with that. I’m clean and quiet and my kids are well behaved. We have the occasional meltdown/loud crying fits, but so does any family with any kids.
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amother
Yarrow


 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 11:42 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Except that our current situation is very bad and extremely temporary. We NEED to be out by next school year. Ideally earlier but I’m fighting to keep them in school until the end of the year and then this summer IyH have a permanent home for them. Stbx can follow or not follow but he can’t just complain and feed me false info (I figured out the Milwaukee thing with only a few hours of research and talking to a couple of people in the know. There is no special Ed Jewish school. They can’t even accommodate kids with my kids’ level of need).

Yes it’s a lot to move 4 times but believe me my kids know that our current setup is temporary. It’s shoved in their faces constantly. It breaks my heart.


What would happen if you stayed where you are? Have the schools tried to kick you out? Is your almost ex-husband going to do something? Obviously, you don't have to answer these questions on a public forum. It might help you to think about whether you really need to move, or if you should focus on improving the situation where you are.

If you have the funds for a small down payment, then you probably have enough for a security deposit on a rental. When life is in flux, as it sounds like it is for you now, buying a house doesn't make a lot of sense. What if the new community doesn't work out and you end up saddled with a house you can't sell? Better to have cash on hand for emergencies.

It's understandable that you want to take active steps to change an awful situation, and to feel settled. But change for the sake of change is rarely the right solution, especially for a family with young children.

I'm sorry that you're facing so many difficulties.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 28 2023, 11:58 pm
amother Yarrow wrote:
What would happen if you stayed where you are? Have the schools tried to kick you out? Is your almost ex-husband going to do something? Obviously, you don't have to answer these questions on a public forum. It might help you to think about whether you really need to move, or if you should focus on improving the situation where you are.

If you have the funds for a small down payment, then you probably have enough for a security deposit on a rental. When life is in flux, as it sounds like it is for you now, buying a house doesn't make a lot of sense. What if the new community doesn't work out and you end up saddled with a house you can't sell? Better to have cash on hand for emergencies.

It's understandable that you want to take active steps to change an awful situation, and to feel settled. But change for the sake of change is rarely the right solution, especially for a family with young children.

I'm sorry that you're facing so many difficulties.


We are temporarily guests in another’s home, and it was never even meant to last as long as it has. Due to circumstances I can’t responsibly post, this is not the right community for us.

In cleveland we have to be in Beachwood, which I can’t afford, but 2 of my kids are in public school because both Jewish schools refused to take them (they lack the necessary services and space). Beachwood schools are handling things very well, but, again, I can’t afford Beachwood. Rentals (houses) are close to 3k/month and there are no apartments in the community.

Rentals in University Heights (2 bedrooms) might be doable for under $1500 but the complex requires an income of 3x rent to even be considered.

And then there are personal factors that make this possibly the worst option I can possibly choose. I can’t stay in cleveland. It’s not good for me and therefore not good for my children.
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amother
Jasmine


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 9:30 am
Where else do you have a support system?
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amother
Milk


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:18 am
OY op this is so hard...
If you’re considering NY, look into comfort health services (thru hamaspik) for support with your medical needs.
With self direction (opwdd services) you can be eligible for rent assistance, but I think that’s only for kids above a certain age.
And there are so many school options, so yes it can be expensive to rent/buy, but you can get your special ed tuition reimbursed.

Many hugs and Good luck figuring it all out ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️
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amother
Black


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 2:17 pm
I want to add a big caveat about Jewish special education. Do not move without a firm assurance about your child being accepted. I know quite a few people whose kids were not able to be accommodated in various programs. This is especially true for children whose behavioral needs exceed that of the mainstream classroom but whose academic skills are too high for the special education class. I know two children who were rejected from a well regarded program that claims to serve that gap, too. (Another was accepted but with no financial aid.)

This is a harsh reality and I am sorry. Some RW schools will try to force a child to fit a mold, or insist parents pay for a shadow. More centrist and modern schools will say they will not accept a child they do not feel comfortable serving.
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amother
Jean


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 4:37 pm
amother DarkGray wrote:
Not a link, but I copied and pasted:

Detroit has a school called Eton Academy where the frum kids who can’t be placed in frum schools usually go. It’s specifically for high functioning special needs kids. Detroit has cheaper housing- but people in Lakewood and NY have already figured that out, so the prices are higher now. There isn’t public transportation or vouchers, but the community school (YBY/BY Detroit) takes care of everybody and the tuition committee is very fair. The committee is backed by the Jewish Federation in Detroit, which makes sure that every Jewish school of every denomination has what it needs to survive and some very generous donors. The school is not owned by a person, but by the frum community, which is why it can afford to take everyone who wants to follow the rules. Lastly, I was divorced with kids in Detroit and everyone was very kind to me.


Can you share about the special Ed services at Yeshiva Beth Yehuda? I saw their website and wanted to know what kind of services they offer, what type of special needs students (severity, diagnoses)?
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