How do people vacation yearly with kids???

Ema of 5

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:54 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

No, I dont agree.

Its not tit for tat.

I never think along these lines when someone asks me a favour.
A favour is a favour is a favour.

I dont expect my kids friends to have them over for a playdate, just because they come to ours.
Even if they come a few times in a row.

Its nice, but I dont expect it.

You send your kids to others, but don’t take other’s kids? Ti can see why you don’t think it’s tit for tat, you are the one on the receiving end!! It’s not tit for tat, per se, but if you have no intention of ever doing it, it’s really not nice to ask more than very rarely.

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 5:57 pm

lamplighter wrote:

I think it's a huge favor and if you can't reciprocate you should say that when you ask them to take your kids. It's socially accepted that if you send to them they expect for you to have their kids another time. If that is not the case you should say that.

Wow!
Really?

How is that comfortable to say ::

"Hi, Im going away in 2 weeks, I was wondering if theres any chance ,my child would be able to stay by you for 2 nights?
No pressure at all, I totally understand if it doesnt work. And also if you ever ask me to have yours, I cant, sorry" ???

I never heard this was socially accepted to be able to give back.

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:00 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

As I wrote, we rarely go away .
And I feel uncomfortable asking , always.

Ema of 5

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:01 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

The fact that it’s uncomfortable should be a clue for you that it might not be so right. If you have no intention of reciprocating, then you need to let the parent know, as uncomfortable as that may be for you. Honestly…..I don’t know how that can be said in a comfortable way, because it’s an uncomfortable thing to say.

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:04 pm

I would love to hear from people in real life.

Whenever anyone asks me a favour, I never expect back.

Whether carpools, lifts, playdates, etc Im happy to help if I can.

At the moment sleepovers dont usually work for me but if someone would ask me id probably offer to have for after school and supper but not the nights.

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:05 pm

Come to think of it, the few people that I have ever asked for my kids to stay by, have never asked for their kids to stay by me.

So for them, they didnt take it as a given.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:05 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

Even if it were someone who had previously hosted your kid?

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:07 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

Even if it were someone who had previously hosted your kid?

Yes!

No one knows anyones circumstances.

Does that mean you can never ask someone a favour if you cant give the same favour back?

I dont often ask favours if I can do things myself, but Im always happy to help others If Im able.

Ema of 5

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:10 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

I never expect back either. I do what I can, when I can. But I wouldn’t ask for a hard core favor, knowing that, if the situation ever came up, I wouldn’t reciprocate.

Ema of 5

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:12 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

Come to think of it, the few people that I have ever asked for my kids to stay by, have never asked for their kids to stay by me.

So for them, they didnt take it as a given.

What does “given” mean? That they will automatically ask you? Maybe they just never need the same favor you did, or maybe they had other people to ask.

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:28 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

I never expect back either. I do what I can, when I can. But I wouldn’t ask for a hard core favor, knowing that, if the situation ever came up, I wouldn’t reciprocate.

Ok, you do you.

Life doesnt always work that way.

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:47 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

I just want to chime in that I’m bh on the giving end of favors I don’t need- not the examples discussed here but things like post baby I have family help and chip in a lot when friends have babies. It’s really not tit for tat! And I don’t think everyone thinks that way either. We all have our things we can do.

lamplighter

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 7:01 pm

She said that they ask and she says no even though they had her kids.

It doesn't mean you have to reciprocate but it means if asked than you would. If you couldn't than you'd say something like, Thank you so much for agreeing to have Dina, I know it's a big ask and it's not something we can do right now so I really appreciate it.

I have had other kids at my house and even though I have not been able to leave my kids, each time I had someone they thanked me and reminded me that they would have my kids when we needed. Obviously if I asked and for whatever reason it didn't work I would understand but if you bshita don't have pp stay by you than I think it's not ok to ask it of others.

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 9:20 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

We rarely go away but there have been once or twice we have been for max 3 days.

My kids are old enough to stay by friends and the family I have in town are not a good fit for them.

I always feel awkward asking people these favours.
But I would also feel awkward offering payment. They are too big ti send to an overnight childminder.

I never really know how to ask.
I never put pressure on other side, but when its just for a night or 2, in my circles, sounds like its normal to ask friends.

I totally understand when people say no and personally, I dont have a problem saying no myself to others, even if they had my kids.

How I wish I had close family that we could swap and switch our kids whenevr we went away.

I have a friend that has no problem sending her kids to others on numerous occasions and I have watched her repeatedly say no to them when they asked back. Honestly I am gobsmacked every time anew.

amother

Crystal

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:13 pm

I thought this post was going to be about how to actually go away with kids, lol. Meaning like it's so overwhelming to me to think about taking my young kids k"h on a trip, like even a car trip. It's difficult in my own home and now I'm going to watch them in a new different environment?
How do ppl manage this?

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:17 pm

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

I have a friend that has no problem sending her kids to others on numerous occasions and I have watched her repeatedly say no to them when they asked back. Honestly I am gobsmacked every time anew.

notice wallflower said this happened once or twice. If someone is asking often and not reciprocating, unless they are really struggling and have no options than something is off.

amother

Dimgray

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:26 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

Carpool, play dates, and lifts are a completely different thing than a few nights where the parents aren't even around to take over if things go south....the level of favor is not comparable.

amother

Lightpink

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:49 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

Come to think of it, the few people that I have ever asked for my kids to stay by, have never asked for their kids to stay by me.

So for them, they didnt take it as a given.

Because most people don’t do this.

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:51 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

If its hard everywhere I prefer it to Be hard somewhere interesting or fun. It’s always hard but I’ve never regretted it or wished I’d stayed home instead