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Forum -> Fashion and Beauty
I feel like I missed my chance at being beautiful
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 10:16 am
Please respond with respect to the vulnerable nature of this post.

I am not a pretty person. I have many physical imperfections and I try really hard not to focus on them. I do some upkeep of my looks but in general I like to be comfortable and as a very overweight person that often translates into looking shlumpy. I always feel more beautiful and put together when I am thinner. It's just so much work and I have never been able to keep it off. I have lost 50 lbs 6 times in 12 years. Having babies, battling PPD, having children with special needs, I'm always just trying to get through the day. In my mind, I always had time, when my kids grow up, my life is more stable, I don't know. I will be able to focus on losing weight for good, focus on my looks more and feel better. I'm 40 years old, I look in the mirror and see the start of aging. I see my friends and peers and they are starting to look older too. Those who lost weight in their older years it was so much harder and they look much older from it. Last night we had a melave malka and I looked around and realized, I missed the boat. I am still this obese woman with years of failed dieting in her past, ugly features, hair growth issues, acne issues, disppeoportiante body shape, bad teeth, I mean the list is endless and it's only going to get worse. I just came home and cried and cried.
I am so depressed over what I ended up looking like and living like, I don't even have the Koach I need to turn it around.
Oh and also, we are trying to have one more baby so that isn't helping with the feeling that this is not getting better soon.
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amother
Butterscotch


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 11:38 am
This sounds more like a vent and you're ready to give up, but don't. Beauty comes from within.

I personally don't get pulled to beautiful people from the outside. Its all about the inside that attracts me.

I also learnt that my confidence needs to start with myself. I need to think of myself as beautiful. When I see myself as beautiful, only then can others see it too.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 11:48 am
I used to be in a Facebook group run by https://ijumpinstead.com/

Many of those ladies didn’t lose weight until their 50s and to my eye they look beautiful.

Don’t forget that good quality makeup and the right techniques also go a long way.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 2:28 pm
I am not beautiful. I am smart and wise and resourceful and funny and kind.
I am confident about myself as a person but not about my looks. I'm not stupid, I know I don't look nice.
I do look better when I'm normal sized but it's been a lifelong struggle to get there and I don't seem to be winning. There are many overweight and obese women who are beautiful Kah but I'm not one of them.
Now I'm aging and it feels like it's downhill from here. It would have nice to feel beautiful and confident about my looks for a point in time. Except when everyone else was most beautiful I never was. So now I'm aging and homely and fat.
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 2:33 pm
If you are married, OP and your husband isnt complaining , I would be deliriously happy
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 2:51 pm
amother OP wrote:
I am not beautiful. I am smart and wise and resourceful and funny and kind.
I am confident about myself as a person but not about my looks. I'm not stupid, I know I don't look nice.
I do look better when I'm normal sized but it's been a lifelong struggle to get there and I don't seem to be winning. There are many overweight and obese women who are beautiful Kah but I'm not one of them.
Now I'm aging and it feels like it's downhill from here. It would have nice to feel beautiful and confident about my looks for a point in time. Except when everyone else was most beautiful I never was. So now I'm aging and homely and fat.


I know that you are convinced of this and it will come off as clichéd and non validating to disagree and say that everyone including you has the potential to be beautiful. But I really do wonder if you wouldn't benefit from a makeover so you can see for yourself that with the right make up and styling you too can make the most of what you have. I have no idea where you live and who to refer you to, but if you could arrange this for yourself, you may be very pleasantly surprised.
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amother
Arcticblue


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:26 pm
I relate to some of what you wrote about physical imperfections. I have many that you mentioned and many others you haven’t. One night my husband called me a beautiful matron .. I wasn’t pleased because he said pretty directly that I don’t look young anymore. I then decided to run with it. I’m going to be a beautiful matron. I found a style that looks good and is comfortable. I’m means that’s not just ok that’s great. Be a beautiful grandma
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amother
DarkViolet


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:46 pm
Is there anything you can do to look better putting weight loss aside?
Maybe a treatment to help with the acne and blemishes, hair removal, a new skincare routine, better makeup application...
I know many heavy women who actually look beautiful. Perhaps even a new wig or wardrobe can help.
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amother
Bone


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 3:47 pm
Most women don't feel beautiful whether they are or not. Unfortunately, in our society we're hard-wired to find our flaws, and there will always be something that doesn't match that Barbie doll image.
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amother
Bergamot


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 4:02 pm
OP try to spend some money on yourself so you can feel good about yourself.

Do botox and fillers for your face wrinkles.
Do laser for your acne and acne scars
get a teeth whitening

there are so many treatments out there that can help you look and feel better about yourself. Set aside the money so you feel good
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:00 pm
A well taken care of person looks good regardless of weight. Skin, teeth, clothes etc. could be improved. I know many people after their last babies in their forties who lost weight.
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amother
Holly


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 6:35 pm
Great suggestions above. Also look up Susan Peirce Thompson's Bright Line Eating program. My sister is in her late 50s and had been very overweight for decades and has now slimmed down to her ideal weight after doing this for about a year, maybe less.

Watch as many of Susan Peirce Thompson's vlogs as you can! She's brilliant and realistic. She's been through everything you can imagine and has come out on the other side looking and feeling beautiful and healthy.

There's a supportive community too.
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amother
Valerian


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 7:09 pm
I lost weight and became better looking in my 40’s. There is hope!
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amother
Latte


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 7:23 pm
Even if you don’t have energy to do teeth whitening (you can get strips!) or other ‘treatments’, there are other things as well. I’m not your age but I’m very overweight as well, and I’ve found that looking put together really makes me feel good about my body. For me that mean buying a couple of new outfits each season, I can’t spend much. Plus not letting my wigs get too out of shape, and wearing nice shoes…it all helps.
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amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 7:55 pm
Op. I feel for you! I have a friend who is fat and not the prettiest but she is always always well dressed. Aside from that she is so smart and and intelligent with loads of wits and energy. When I think about her I only see beauty. I love her with my whole heart because she is confident and fully ok with the looks she got.
There are those stunners who are slim, and radiate beauty but no one think they are.
It's all about personality and love.
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amother
Leaf


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 9:20 pm
amother OP wrote:
Please respond with respect to the vulnerable nature of this post.

I am not a pretty person. I have many physical imperfections and I try really hard not to focus on them. I do some upkeep of my looks but in general I like to be comfortable and as a very overweight person that often translates into looking shlumpy. I always feel more beautiful and put together when I am thinner. It's just so much work and I have never been able to keep it off. I have lost 50 lbs 6 times in 12 years. Having babies, battling PPD, having children with special needs, I'm always just trying to get through the day. In my mind, I always had time, when my kids grow up, my life is more stable, I don't know. I will be able to focus on losing weight for good, focus on my looks more and feel better. I'm 40 years old, I look in the mirror and see the start of aging. I see my friends and peers and they are starting to look older too. Those who lost weight in their older years it was so much harder and they look much older from it. Last night we had a melave malka and I looked around and realized, I missed the boat. I am still this obese woman with years of failed dieting in her past, ugly features, hair growth issues, acne issues, disppeoportiante body shape, bad teeth, I mean the list is endless and it's only going to get worse. I just came home and cried and cried.
I am so depressed over what I ended up looking like and living like, I don't even have the Koach I need to turn it around.
Oh and also, we are trying to have one more baby so that isn't helping with the feeling that this is not getting better soon.


It’s not too late. Plus being overweight is very unhealthy so it’s not only for the sake of beauty that it would be good to get on a good eating plan. Take a walk every day or get on an exercise bike even for a few minutes a day . You’d be surprised, once you start you’ll find you want to do more than a few minutes. You.l feel better physically and you,ll feel better about yourself for making good healthy changes.
Everything can look better if you try. Do you put on makeup every day? That helps and can cover up flaws. Please try.
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amother
Leaf


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 9:23 pm
amother NeonGreen wrote:
Op. I feel for you! I have a friend who is fat and not the prettiest but she is always always well dressed. Aside from that she is so smart and and intelligent with loads of wits and energy. When I think about her I only see beauty. I love her with my whole heart because she is confident and fully ok with the looks she got.
There are those stunners who are slim, and radiate beauty but no one think they are.
It's all about personality and love.


I don’t think you should refer to your friend as fat and not the prettiest
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 9:26 pm
Very few people are "beautiful"

But most people are "nice looking".

As others said, with a good sheitel, good wardrobe, good make-up, nearly everyone can look good.

You also mentioned bad teeth - there is cosmetic dentistry that can fix that.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 9:44 pm
Get some nice clothes that are comfortable but not shlumpy. Same with shoes. Maybe some chic fashion sneakers. Get some basic makeup that you can put on in 5 minutes or less every day (I.e. tinted moisturizer, mascara, etc. whatever highlights your nicest features). Some people have tons of makeup but that’s too time consuming for a busy mom so ot gets reserved for weddings but really you deserve to feel beautiful every day so get something that goes on quickly. Teeth can be whitened easily and cheaply and even if it’s crooked white crooked teeth look better lol. If you have the funds get a new wig.

I guess the bottom line is that you deserve to feel beautiful and deserve to depend a few dollars and some time to make you feel beautiful. Being a busy mom or being overweight is not an excuse to be “unworthy” of beauty. You’d be surprised at how a few small fixes can make you feel so much more beautiful.
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amother
Oleander


 

Post Sun, Jan 29 2023, 9:54 pm
Discover Your Truth was life changing for me.

It’s not necessarily for overweight people but it’ll change the opinion you have about yourself.

Google it
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