I feel like I missed my chance at being beautiful

amother

Cyan

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 12:15 am

I know how you feel 100%!!!!
And I was even like super skinny at one point but I thought I was fat and I wore baggy comfy clothing and looked like a messy blob and now I regret that I didn’t take advantage of my thinness and prettiness and get a nice sheitel and pretty clothing and it’s too late now because just like you I look in the mirror and see aging staring back at me. I’m not young enough to be capable of being the cute dressed pretty one anymore. And I’m so sad about that also.

But. But. I have my kids. And they make me happy. Do your kids bring joy to your life? Was having them worth it? I know it can’t help you feel totally better but maybe a bit so?

amother

Cognac

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 12:34 am

This is an interesting thread bc I'm not yet 30 but I can imagine one of my friends thinking this about herself in 10,years (I,mean I hope not, but I can see it). She's not conventionally pretty at all, she was never a size 4. It's funny bc if I think of someone who isn't pretty, shes the first one who comes to mind, but the truth is that it never stopped me from being friends with her!

And if she wanted a makeover, she could totally whiten teeth, get different glasses , dress for her shape, style her wig etc. And guess what it wouldn't make me love or appreciate her more or less!

I know it sounds like a pat answer but it's also true. We're friends since elementary school. Some things are really deeper than skin.

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 1:28 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Wow you sound gross.

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 2:41 am

amother Snapdragon wrote:

Wow you sound gross.

That's harsh!
But I do think that the poster you quoted is missing the point of thread. This is not about beauty being skin deep. I think OP knows she is valuable and worthy as a person regardless of how she looks.
This thread is about helping OP acquire the tools she needs to make her look better, so that she can like the way she looks irrespective of how other see her. It's perfectly normal and legitimate to want to look your best.

amother

Bluebonnet

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 4:34 am

Op, you try havent missed the boat. You may not look 20, but 40s are a youthful time. You do not have to look middle aged until you are menopausal, about 55. For the next fifteen years, youthful hormones will still be pumping in your body. These hormones will help you conceive another child and nurse the baby, lose weight, and keep your skin youthful.

Here is my advice:
1. Realize you have 15 more years of youth and make them the best years of your youthful beauty.
2. Begin a disciplined diet of intermitent fasting and learn the right balance of carbs, protein,and fruits and vegetables for your body to consume in your earing window. Cut out sugar and refined carbs!!!! They are keeping you heavy and giving you an aged appearance. Drink only water and tea. You WILL lose weight this way, unless you have a true problem with your metabolism.
3. Excercize 4 to 5 days a week for 15 minutes. Walk, dance, toning excercizes, whatever. Endorphins and blood flow will give you younger skin and younger energy.
4. Drink water ALL day for more glowing skin.
5. Purge your closet of anything old or out of style. Wear only cute outfits, even if it means you have 2 skirts and 5 tops you alternate wearing.
6. Wear a pretty tichel and earings every day. If your shaitel is looking tired, spend $50 every 3 months to have it washed and set. Put it on your calendar. Are your glasses trendy? If not, can you replace them for something cute?
7. Wear eye liner and fill in your brows, and wear lipstick every day. You will look vibrant and youthful. If you can have your teeth whitened, do so, it helps make you look younger.

Last, I advise all women to embrace their stage of life and enhance the beauty of that stage. Around 45, shoulder length or shorter shaitels with some layering look more youthful than long. Around 55, shorter shaitels with lots a movement and highlighting look the freshest. But every stage is attractive and interesting for a woman, if she invests in styling herself.

gootlfriends

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 6:54 am

First of all confidence is beautiful. Find ways and reasons to feel confident. As others mentioned, get fashionable clothes with colors that work for you. The styles right now work for heavier people. Also, try to drink more water. That always helps both with weight loss and hydration. You will have more energy and your skin will be healthier. There is no requirement to be thin.

amother

Amber

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 8:33 am

Buy new glasses
Use a good face wash - wash your face and brush your teeth every day
Use a good moisturizer for younger looking skin
Wear eye makeup
Buy a few new tops and skirts and take it to the seamstress to have it fit right.
I’m overweight. I’m always hemming and tapering my sleeves, hemming the length of my tops because I’m short, hemming my skirt and sometimes tapering on the bottom
Shoes are a problem because achy feet are no fun… I have a huge problem with finding comfortable shoes that look good..
Start taking charge of yourself. It might take a while but eventually you will feel good about yourself. Don’t you feel good after you take a shower? That’s how good you can feel all the time if you slowly make changes. You will still feel comfortable but you will no longer feel schlumpy.

spikta

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 9:20 am

Women don't need to be beautiful to deserve love, respect, or anything else! We don't owe the world a certain standard of looks so as not to offend people! You don't have to drink the koolaid!

I would recommend finding a form of movement that makes you happy. Not so that your body can look a certain way or be a certain size, but so you can feel the pleasure of having a body. It's a joy that people don't talk about much, because exercise in our culture is usually a form of punishment meant to force bodies to conform to western beauty standards, so the vast majority of women especially never discover how fun it can be. But if you find "your" sport - dance, running, swimming, martial arts, whatever floats your boat - it is an absolute joy. Our bodies want to move, our muscles want to expand and contract, our heart wants to thump and our lungs want to breath hard. Our brain wants to guide our muscles and bones to mastery.

I weigh 200+ lb and I have most of my life. But when I move it doesn't matter. I can thank hashem for being alive, and for giving me a healthy body that gives me joy. Obviously I'm not immune to beauty standards. It's not super fun to be told that I'm not the ideal. But when I have enough time to move in the way that makes me happy, I think I exude that happiness. And ya know what? If I don't, too bad. I don't owe anyone to look a certain way.

amother

Teal

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 9:36 am

I am overweight and 40 and don't feel pretty at all. I'm used to run around like a bird and having this extra case potatoes on me isn't making me look or feel youthful.

I had a conference that I had to present at and I was super anxious about how I'll be seen. I almost canceled because of my weight.

In the end I was a big girl and went but I did put thought into what I'll wear and how I'll look.

I made sure I wear well fitted clothing for my body type, did my makeup simple but well, used a whitening brush for that day, made sure my shoes are decent and wore trendy costum jewelery.

After my presentation a group of people came over to me asking me if I am a Type 3 of the Ennegram because this type always looks good and they are well groomed.

I said I know I am not and told them my Ennegram Type but internally I was screaming "hell no. I'm not a Type 3. I'm the farthest thing from that!!!"

I guess everyone has the capacity to incorporate a little bit of Type 3 when necessary.

You can do this too OP.

amother

Lightblue

Mon, Jan 30 2023, 10:40 am

I hope that sharing my experience could help. Really, it's what inside that matters and how people around you make you feel. when I look at pics of my 20s I see someone that is (was) more than average looking. yet, I didnt feel it. I have always felt ignored, and dismissed. dh called me fat even when I was thin. Now I'm older, aging, and fat. if people surround you, you're probably someone that attracts people with your personality. I'm a people repellent. No bug spray required.