Shalach Manos for Male Boss

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

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amother

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:21 pm

I work for a large company (not corporate) in the Monsey area. My boss that I work directly with is not the owner/CEO but definitely one of the biggest players in the company.

We work very closely together every day.
Completely professional and all appropriate workplace boundaries in place.
We’re both on the yeshivish side (not ultra).

Would it be appropriate to send him shalach Manos on Purim? I wouldn’t show up at his house I would either have it delivered or my husband would drop it off.

I wouldn’t either address the card. I would keep it more generic like “much appreciation and a freilichin purim” type of thing.

I feel like since we work extremely close together and I have a LOT of Hakoros Hatov to him I want to send him something on Purim. (He also is the type of person who appreciates things)

I’m curios to hear your thoughts. I read some old threads on here that ladies said it shouldn’t be done so wondering if anyone has actually given their make boss shalach Manos?

amother

Burntblack

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:23 pm

I would and I would send it to the Cohen family from the Goldberg family.
And like you said, either have DH or a service deliver.

amother

Magnolia

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:23 pm

Highstrung

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:23 pm

When I worked in frum heimish offices it was considered the norm. In one particular office my boss expected it and we felt lots of pressure, but all the employees joined in together collectively. It was more for the bosses wife than him , himself. She is the one that made a big deal about it and expected it.

amother

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:30 pm

Highstrung wrote:

I definitely don’t feel pressure. I’m really doing it as a way of showing my hakoros hatov. I’m not going to randomly send him a gift or tell him verbally my appreciation for him so was thinking purim can be an appropriate time for doing it.

amother

Opal

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:42 pm

When I was the only employee under a male boss, I gave him something the day before Purim before we left work.

I would not hand deliver it on Purim - either give it at work, or have a driver deliver it on Purim.

nelliesmellie

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:49 pm

Make it from your family to his family - not personal

amother

Navy

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:51 pm

I agree to make it from family to family but I would even go a step further and buy a premise shalach manos rather than a homemade one so it’s very formal

amother

Opal

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 12:58 pm

Agree with both of the above posts.
Halachicly, you may have to do it from one family to another so it's not personal.
And homemade is just unprofessional.

amother

Peony

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 1:12 pm

I work from home. I send my male boss every year a shalach manis by mail.. so many websites to order from.. don't see anything wrong with it... it's not just for him it's for the family...

mommy3b2c

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 1:43 pm

I think the bosses should be giving the shalach manos. You’re supposed to gift down , not gift up.

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 1:46 pm

Why not send a Purim card? Lots of tzedaka organizations or schools do cards--you give a small donation and names/addresses of your intended recipients and they'll send the card on your behalf. It's nice and no pressure.
Agree with others who said gifts/gift baskets should be coming from the bosses to employees and not the other way around!

amother

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 1:53 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I think the bosses should be giving the shalach manos. You’re supposed to gift down , not gift up.

I hear that but for some reason I’m not thinking of this as a “gift”..for example I’m not planning on sending/gifting him something any other yom tov…just thought purim can be an opportunity to show my Hakoros Hatov..like we do for rebbeim/teachers etc

If I sent him something at a random time during the year I feel like that can border “inappropriate”. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything I’m honestly just sharing my thoughts aloud and where I’m coming from.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 4:52 pm

I wouldn't. I wouldn't send to a female boss, either. In business, superiors give gifts to the people they supervise or employ. Giving gifts upward to a person who has the power to hire, promote or demote you or at least evaluate your work performance can be seen as a subtle attempt at bribery.

MM is a mitzvah but it is still a gift. One chooses the people to whom one sends the gifts, and the purpose is to enhance the personal relationship. Ish lere'ehu: a person to his friend. Not to his boss. You may get along really well with your boss and see him as a surrogate uncle or dad, but at the end of the day yours is a business relationship, and one in which he has a certain power over you. Giving him gifts, regardless of how you choose to label them, is inappropriate. Better to give MM to the custodian or the elevator operator.

ShishKabob

Sun, Jan 29 2023, 4:55 pm

I think halachically you have to send it to the family, not to him personally. Ask your lor.

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