Is this ethical/ok. Taking vacation on others discount servi

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 8:41 am

ce expense

To be honest this is more of an approval seeking question than a question but if many disapprove I will have to rethink my decision. So over the past 3 years I signed up for credit cards with massive bonus points (and continued spending as well for all our needs on them so continued to accumulate) and now have saved enough for a vacation. (one card for flights and one card (cashback) for hotel/airbnb. Since Covid we really went through many many difficult phases (one medical case , one health scare , and another health scare and tons of pressure , almost falling into depression..).Bh I was able to find two different kinds of therapists (one a reg and another one an alternative prac...) who are really helping me heal from the wounds and trauma I went through. The thing is that since we are a kollel family and very low income.. (last vacation was 8 years ago) they have rachmanus and charg me less.. (one charges 100 dollars less and is used monthly and the other 50 and is used weekly , we have medicaid but these people who I ve found to be good shluchim for me dont accept it). We decided that it is finally time that we get away a bit (and thank hashem over there for everything good that worked out...) and relax after this long challenge... but this guilty concious came to me that it's not right to get discounts from others for their services and theoridically (because it s with points) use that to save for a vacation on their expense. On the other hand something tells me that everyone deserves a vactation and had they known about this trip they would happy for me to go as well so I can relax and be mentally better.. (and to say the truth I am not sure what a massive vacation is but this would be around 2000-2500 and most of it is with points...) I wanted to know what is your opinion on the matter

amother

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 8:43 am

And just to clarify again in case someone was wondering , we NEVER spend beyond our means.. If we can't afford it we dont buy...in case someone was wondering how we got all these points, most of them were from these huge signup bonuses...

hodeez

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 8:45 am

I may just not be a good person but I wouldn't feel bad to use cc points to go on vacation. If it will ease your conscience tell your therapists that's the case

amother

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 8:52 am

hodeez wrote:

I may just not be a good person but I wouldn't feel bad to use cc points to go on vacation. If it will ease your conscience tell your therapists that's the case

I was thinking of that but am scared to do so as I feel that the reason they are discounting me is because they feel bad/nebach for me and if I vacation they will be upset as if I was fooling them..

amother

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 8:54 am

Just wondering from anyone opinion over here if you were a professional offering a lower price to someone because of their true financial situation and later find out the took a vacation would you be upset ?

amother

Stoneblue

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 8:58 am

Please go on the vacation. Just like you spend on medical and therapist; vacation might do you some good. In fact I have paid from maser for vacation for a relative who has a hard life.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 9:00 am

You sounds extremely responsible and deserve to go on a vacation. Don't think twice about it.

Signed someone who usually says the opposite but for your specific case I think it is justified.

Just saw your question and can actually answer it cuz my Husband is a therapist who sometimes gives discounts. The answer is its all relative. No two situations are the same. Your case seems justified.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 9:02 am

Just don’t tell anyone, don’t post on social media and enjoy!

happyone

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 9:17 am

Enjoy every minute of your vacation, guilt free please.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 10:16 am

You sound justified to take a vacation but if you’re feeling awkward from your therapists why do you have to tell them?

amother

RosePink

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 10:32 am

I deff think you should go, but I also think you should discuss it with your therapist just so that you can go with a clear head, I’m afraid if you don’t you might not enjoy your vacation as much as you may walk around feeling guilty, and that would be a shame

amother

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 10:39 am

amother Winterberry wrote:

You sound justified to take a vacation but if you’re feeling awkward from your therapists why do you have to tell them?

I decided I won't tell them.. Just wondering what others think off this situation.. so far I haven't seen anyone say it's wrong/stealing so I don't feel guilty..

It just reminds me of the story of the couple who were so poor and needed money for their wedding because they were penniless but when everyone got to the hall it was super fancy and everyone got mad etc...
(The true story was that the owner of the hall set it up all for free and didn't charge due to the fact that their grandfather saved his life etc...)
Also was just a bit conscious of the thread where someone here complained that they saw someone buy 500 dollars of steak with ebt..

amother

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 10:40 am

amother RosePink wrote:

don't know. She might think I have money and raise the price again..

amother

Forsythia

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 10:44 am

Just go. Let them wonder or they can figure it out. You need to do what's best for you regardless of people's opinions.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 10:44 am

I am not seeing any issue because you are using points to finance it. You didn't deliberately save a certain amount over the past years instead of paying them. I guess theoretically you could use the points for something other than a vacation but it isn't as if you would have had the money to pay them if you didn't have points.

However I would not hide your taking a vacation from a therapist. Hiding stuff because you feel guilty is going to harm the therapeutic relationship. What you should do is to tell them that you are taking a vacation based on points that you have accumulated and you feel a bit guilty - and then explore those feelings of guilt. A good therapeutic relationship means that you can explore all your feelings and actions - that is the point.

If you feel that for some reason they will stop giving you a discount if they learn about your vacation, you do start veering into territory of being deliberately deceitful at their expense but that isn't the issue.

amother

Yarrow

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 2:46 pm

You’re lucky that it’s a therapist who’s giving you the discount, and not some other kind of service provider, because with a therapist there’s an open door to discuss your guilty feelings with them and explain about the points. It would be awkward to casually mention it to, say, a plumber.

watergirl

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 2:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

I decided I won't tell them.. Just wondering what others think off this situation.. so far I haven't seen anyone say it's wrong/stealing so I don't feel guilty.

You said on the first line in your OP that this is an approval seeking post, so people who do not approve are not likely to chime in here. You wanted to hear from only people who approve. Also, the way I read it was that you had already used the points to book the vacation, so what good would it do you to hear opposing views?

sequoia

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 2:56 pm

What’s the issue?

Are they charging you full price on cc and paying you back with cash or something?

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 2:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

I was thinking of that but am scared to do so as I feel that the reason they are discounting me is because they feel bad/nebach for me and if I vacation they will be upset as if I was fooling them..

Please ask a rabbi. Once you know you have daas Torah you can feel confident you got the right answer and there won’t be any guilt or question as to whether you did the right thing or not.
Please don’t leave this to the women here. They can’t tell you the right thing. Only a rabbi can.
Good luck.

amother

Freesia

Thu, Feb 02 2023, 3:00 pm

I literally don't see the question.

Of course go on vacation (I havent been in over fifteen years).

The therapists did not ask nor would they care, your using cc points and HEAVENS (gasp) taking a much needed little get away for the first time in 8 years..

Just as they don't ask if you spend on a box of Kleenex if you have a cold vs. cheaper brand.

(But if they would I am sure the get away would be a recommendation FOR mental health!)

They understand your OVERALL matzav and are charging accordingly.

This includes normal healthy living.

Please do not create “yaish m’ayin”. Seems only amazing ppl like you do!

But it is misplaced in this case. (IMO). No psak here though, just my own thoughts…

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