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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Don't want to give shalach manos this year!
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:31 pm
In past years I have made baked goods and also given some other item like a drink or nuts and dried fruit. It's very time consuming and costly. We are really trying to budget and I feel like this is an area that I can cut out. I will give shalach manos to teachers, principals and to those who are hosting us for the seuda, but I want to cut out making a bunch of shaloch manos for community ppl that don't need or necessarily even want them. I will still let my kids prepare and give to their friends, but just want to cut out giving randomly. I don't live near any siblings or parents or inlaw family, so they are a factor in this decision.

My husband is 100% on board, what do you all think?
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:32 pm
I'm on board! I make about ten and call it a day
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:40 pm
You don't have to go out of your way to give extra, but what happens when people come round to you? Are you going to pretend you're out and not answer the door? Smile graciously and accept it? Or do you want to have something to give back?

Of course, you can recycle a lot of what you get, but if you want to be able to give back, you might want to prepare a few basic mishlochei manot just to start off with. They don't have to be expensive.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:40 pm
Who else could you possibly give?
I think you'll be giving more than enough!
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scintilla




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:44 pm
I once heard a good line, don't take mishloach manos to the point where you need matanos l'evyonim!

Remember the requirements to fulfill the mitzvah are so very basic. What is it two foods to one person?? I forget exactly but not more than two people. Now of course practically you may want to do more than that. But especially these days with inflation I am sure everyone will understand others cutting back. You can greet people with a big smile and a "happy Purim", and if they give you one and you don't have for them and definitely aren't going to put one together, think of something to say that you're comfortable with so you're not left fumbling in the moment. Ie "love your costume, we only gave to family this year, thanks for your beautiful mm". No shame in that.
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amother
Outerspace


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:45 pm
I prepare many simple inexpensive shalach monos, so that we can give out freely. I believe in giving to more people, less expensive. It's not about what's inside, most people don't care.
Most people don't want other peoples baked stuff. (Especially when meeting outside).

I put in a drink and bar chocolate or wafer roll (maybe some candies, in a small organza bag. Looks sweet and is cost effective.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:51 pm
Thanks for the suggestions, I will put together a few basic ones to give to those who happen to come. Honestly I have found in the past that it does happen that we are put when ppl come anyways, I just don't want to make so many this year that it becomes a huge expense and stress.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:59 pm
amother OP wrote:
In past years I have made baked goods and also given some other item like a drink or nuts and dried fruit. It's very time consuming and costly. We are really trying to budget and I feel like this is an area that I can cut out. I will give shalach manos to teachers, principals and to those who are hosting us for the seuda, but I want to cut out making a bunch of shaloch manos for community ppl that don't need or necessarily even want them. I will still let my kids prepare and give to their friends, but just want to cut out giving randomly. I don't live near any siblings or parents or inlaw family, so they are a factor in this decision.

My husband is 100% on board, what do you all think?


If you and your dh agree, and you’ll be mekayem the mitzvah of mishloach manos by giving teachers, etc., why are you asking what imas think?
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 1:59 pm
What about a cup/container of soup and little container of soup nuts? Vegetable soup is cheap!
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:08 pm
Give a minimum number. Set out assorted snacks on your table encourage visitors to have a munch .. two minim= Mitzva of mm
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:11 pm
Seems like you’re giving out plenty. I like to keep mine cheap and time efficient so I can make a lot (25ish for us).
For drinks you can buy small empty plastic bottles on Amazon for .50 a piece, and I fill them with orange juice or something like that.
Then I make a batch of rolls, muffins, cookies, etc. One baked goodie, whatever is easiest.
I then put two pieces of mezonos together with a bottle of oj in a cellophane bag with a pretty ribbon.
Easy, cheap, delicious, pretty, and quick. People have told me that they appreciate it a lot.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:15 pm
Elfrida wrote:
You don't have to go out of your way to give extra, but what happens when people come round to you? Are you going to pretend you're out and not answer the door? Smile graciously and accept it? Or do you want to have something to give back?

Of course, you can recycle a lot of what you get, but if you want to be able to give back, you might want to prepare a few basic mishlochei manot just to start off with. They don't have to be expensive.


I smile graciously and say thank you
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amother
Mintgreen


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:19 pm
amother Amethyst wrote:
Seems like you’re giving out plenty. I like to keep mine cheap and time efficient so I can make a lot (25ish for us).
For drinks you can buy small empty plastic bottles on Amazon for .50 a piece, and I fill them with orange juice or something like that.
Then I make a batch of rolls, muffins, cookies, etc. One baked goodie, whatever is easiest.
I then put two pieces of mezonos together with a bottle of oj in a cellophane bag with a pretty ribbon.
Easy, cheap, delicious, pretty, and quick. People have told me that they appreciate it a lot.

I like this idea! Can you link the bottles?
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:21 pm
We stopped years ago. We give 2 or 3. And if course teachers.
Other than that we keep a bowl of chocolates and pretzels or bissilis in hallway and if someone comes the kids take 2 foods .
My kids give loads each. Usually they bake and do a drink so it's not costly. They love it
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:35 pm
amother Mintgreen wrote:
I like this idea! Can you link the bottles?


Something like this. Search for what you need. They have tons of different options in shapes, sizes, and count.

https://www.amazon.com/Leak-Pr.....ss_tl
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:44 pm
amother OP wrote:
In past years I have made baked goods and also given some other item like a drink or nuts and dried fruit. It's very time consuming and costly. We are really trying to budget and I feel like this is an area that I can cut out. I will give shalach manos to teachers, principals and to those who are hosting us for the seuda, but I want to cut out making a bunch of shaloch manos for community ppl that don't need or necessarily even want them. I will still let my kids prepare and give to their friends, but just want to cut out giving randomly. I don't live near any siblings or parents or inlaw family, so they are a factor in this decision.

My husband is 100% on board, what do you all think?


I'd personally cut out the teachers, and give to my neighbor and friends. That is what the mitzvah is all about. The mitzvah on Purim is to give mishloach manos to friends, family and neighbors. There's no mention of Hakaras Hatov and tipping anywhere in the megillah.

Hakaras Hatov is very nice and beautiful and can be done just about any day of the year. This mm for teachers not only takes away from the actual mitzvah, the logistics of running from one teacher to the other takes away so much of the day.

Send a tip before or after Purim if it's Hakaras Hatov that you want to do.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 2:44 pm
amother Powderblue wrote:
If you and your dh agree, and you’ll be mekayem the mitzvah of mishloach manos by giving teachers, etc., why are you asking what imas think?


I didn't need to hear what imas think to change my mind. I wanted opinions to see if there was something that I could do very cheaply, or something that I wasn't thinking about. I didn't think about what to do when ppl came to me. Now I'll be prepared with a few inexpensively ones.
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amother
Oldlace


 

Post Sun, Feb 05 2023, 5:45 pm
You go, girl. All the gvirim, rabbanim and other machers who get MM from the entire community won't miss yours, and would be relieved if most people stopped sending them MM altogether. Pesach is in 4 weeks for them, too. We also don't give to teachers; the PTA collects money from the parents and makes one group package for each one, which they deliver the day before. I give to a handful of people and make a bunch for dh to give to people from his shul. If other people show up with MM early enough in the day, I have some extra small packages to reciprocate. And that's it. I've stopped sending homemade baked goods to anyone other than immediate family since I've learned here that some people may simply throw them out. Plus I do quite a bit of regifting.

The over-the-top hassled I-have-to-deliver-to-all-of-my-kids'-teachers-and-the-rest-of-the-staff-and-attend-the-seudah-at-my-parents-and-in-laws-who-live-on-opposite-sides-of-town as described elsewhere is thank goodness not a thing in my community. We give to people who are within easy walking distance, and if we're attending someone else's seudah, we go to one. Mit ein toches ken men nit tantzen oyf tzvei chasunes.
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amother
Ghostwhite


 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 3:42 pm
amother OP wrote:
In past years I have made baked goods and also given some other item like a drink or nuts and dried fruit. It's very time consuming and costly. We are really trying to budget and I feel like this is an area that I can cut out. I will give shalach manos to teachers, principals and to those who are hosting us for the seuda, but I want to cut out making a bunch of shaloch manos for community ppl that don't need or necessarily even want them. I will still let my kids prepare and give to their friends, but just want to cut out giving randomly. I don't live near any siblings or parents or inlaw family, so they are a factor in this decision.

My husband is 100% on board, what do you all think?

I stopped making shalach manos when I was married a few years.
my children make shalach manos for their teachers and rebbes.
generally if someone brings shalach manos I give back money.
non for neighbors, parents, friends, sisters or sils.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 3:57 pm
Elfrida wrote:
You don't have to go out of your way to give extra, but what happens when people come round to you? Are you going to pretend you're out and not answer the door? Smile graciously and accept it? Or do you want to have something to give back?

Of course, you can recycle a lot of what you get, but if you want to be able to give back, you might want to prepare a few basic mishlochei manot just to start off with. They don't have to be expensive.


I know a family that has a roll of quarters by the door and gives that to those who stop by
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