S/o at what age...

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Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:12 am
At what age is it no longer appropriate to help our children get dressed, bathe, etc.
Does it make a difference if it is a daughter or a son?
If a child is physical capable of doing these things but still asks for help, at what point do we back off?
I’m referring to neurotypical children
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Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:31 am
As soon as a child is capable, you stop doing it for them. A 2 year old takes off his socks. By 5 or 6 they should be able to fully dress and undress, wipe after bathroom, and even shower themselves with assistance or in the bath use shampoo and pour water over their heads. (Assumign they don't mind water in eyes)

If they ask for help, you do the minimum and you teach them the skill. Like - first you wipe yourself and then I will finish, see how im holding the wipe. Or you address the need in another way like if they just want attention you say, I'll get breakfast ready while you get dressed and then we can have time to chat or read a book together.

"Help me help myself" - even if you're helping you should be teaching them the skill. Some kids take longer or need more help, that's fine. But are you enabling or are you working on teaching them independence so they can do it themselves- that's the bar I'd use.
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Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:02 pm
Bump. Would love to hear some opinions from others too
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Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:06 pm
Never , I only back off if they don't want me

My 6 old still asks me for help, bc he wants mommy not bc he can't do it himself

My 9 yo doesn't ask me and neither does my 11 yo

I would think it's getting in appropriate once they hit puberty
But more awkward ..not inappropriate
They're ur kids
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Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:12 pm
LOL. Some of this is very family dependant. My mother AH was an only child. Her mother probably took care of her for ages..... I still remember my grandmother sticking her head out the window to cross my mother, when we pulled up in front of her house in Brooklyn, but across the street.

I remember when my oldest was in the 2nd grade, she had a friend stay for a week (parents went abroad for a Simcha). That friend was from a large family. She got up in the morning, dressed herself, came home, did her hw and got herself into pj's....and it was an eye opener. After that stay, I let my DD know she could do some things herself too!

At the same time, there are some kids who need more support than others, so it's a case of lending that support while encouraging them to do things on this own. (Hint: Youngest children are especially adept at getting their parents to think they "need" that support....)

I had one child who pushed for help in the bathroom for a long time (I'm thinking, for sure thru primary). At some point I pushed back a little, telling her she's a big girl and can do it herself. It took time but it BH happened (we occasionally laugh about these things now.)
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Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:44 pm
The children I am asking about are in lower grade school. They ask me to dress them, give them baths, brush their teeth, etc. They are capable of doing these things themselves. I would love for them to do them independently but at the same time, don’t want them to feel rejected if I gently tell them they are old enough to do it themselves.
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Post Mon, Feb 06 2023, 12:46 pm
My 11yr old does it himself but has ADD so needs some reminders to do a once over. My 8 year old daughter does it herself but is really really cranky in the morning so sometimes asks for help. She can pick out her own outfit though. My 6yr old can physically put on the clothes but is usually helped with choosing etc.
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