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keym
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 Mon, Feb 06 2023, 9:01 pm
I made a bar mitzvah a year and a half ago for just under 13k
Tefillin 1800
2 hats, suit, jacket 1k
Clothing for everyone else 1500 (my husband didn't get a new hat, I didn't get a new Shaitel)
Bo Bayom for 100 people, standard menu, no add-ons 3500.
Photographer for 1 hour before event, one-man band, invitations, hair, makeup 1500
Men's kiddush in shul, women's kiddush at home (I made salad, cut the fruit myself, some fancy home-made stuff, simple store bought, kugel, no herring, no cholent, no alcohol) 1500
I did the cooking for 45 people for Shabbos for 1000. Catered, you can shop around for cheap caterer and do a basic for 2k-2500.
School event $350.
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amother
Melon
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Mon, Feb 06 2023, 10:17 pm
I made a bar mitzvah within the past year OOT very frugally
Tefillin 2200+Bag approx 120
2 hats, suit, shabbos shoes, 3-4 dress pants, coat, (had shirts) approx 850. Whoa. That's nuts.
Clothing for everyone else 250 (my husband didn't get a new hat, I didn't get a new Shaitel, kids got regular shabbos clothes for the new season, so I'm not counting it. Only counting my outfit plus alterations)
Bo Bayom for 75 people, mostly boys, food approx 500 but friends made some of menu supplementing
Tablecloth gemach abt 70 (for shabbos seudos and bo bayom)
One-man band, invitations mailed without stamps 570
Kiddush in shul abt 500 (cholent and cake)
30 people for Shabbos, mostly friends made the food. Not catered at all.
Hostess and guest gifts approx 100
Total
Approx 5200
That was with lots of friends pitching in to help
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happyone
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Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:20 am
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Yes, yes and yes. It's a choice.
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amother
Bisque
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Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:46 am
| keym wrote: | I made a bar mitzvah a year and a half ago for just under 13k
Tefillin 1800
2 hats, suit, jacket 1k
Clothing for everyone else 1500 (my husband didn't get a new hat, I didn't get a new Shaitel)
Bo Bayom for 100 people, standard menu, no add-ons 3500.
Photographer for 1 hour before event, one-man band, invitations, hair, makeup 1500
Men's kiddush in shul, women's kiddush at home (I made salad, cut the fruit myself, some fancy home-made stuff, simple store bought, kugel, no herring, no cholent, no alcohol) 1500
I did the cooking for 45 people for Shabbos for 1000. Catered, you can shop around for cheap caterer and do a basic for 2k-2500.
School event $350. |
I think this is key to making it for less. I didn't rent tables or chairs, we have a table and chair gmach in Baltimore. I didn't rent linens, I used plastic and it was not as fancy but it was beautiful anyway. I spent less than you but I had less people. And I will do the same for my next son. BH I am someone who does not stress out when cooking for a large crowd. My home is very small, 1400 sq. feet, so the space was cramped and squished and we did just fine. Would people have been more comfortable in a hall? Of course! Was everyone fine for the 2.5 hours? Also of course.
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amother
Bisque
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Tue, Feb 07 2023, 9:29 am
| amother Peony wrote: | | I have a good 5 years until I am making a bar mitzva, I’m just wondering who you left off your guest list. How did you only have 25 people? |
No one was left off my list. I’m a BT married to a BT. My mother is gone. No grandparents alive. DH and I each have one sibling, his has a few kids and mine lives overseas so my sibling came without the rest of their family. One aunt came with her husband. None of our cousins came or other aunts/uncles as it seemed weird to them. Same with the bo ba yom - it being on a weeknight seemed weird, as they told me, so they just didn't want to come. Those closest to us are our friends. BH Hashem blessed us with a small group of friends who are like family.
Please don’t assume a small guest list means we left people out. Some people have small families. Others have just crappy families. Not everyone has a huge crowd of friends, a lot of siblings and siblings in law, lots of little cousins, living parents or grandparents, frum family who gets it... There are many other kinds of families out there, not just the ones in the "ideals" frum world.
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keym
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Tue, Feb 07 2023, 9:31 am
| amother Peony wrote: | | I have a good 5 years until I am making a bar mitzva, I’m just wondering who you left off your guest list. How did you only have 25 people? |
Im not who you're quoting, but the key here was it was for Shabbos.
We had 45 people for Shabbos (close family) but I did it in my house and low-key.
Borrowed tables and chairs from a gemach. Plastic tablecloths and paper goods.
I cooked all the food.
Like that pp poster said, I'm also a person who doesn't get flustered from hosting large seudos- I've done homemade sheva Brachos and Purim seudos in my house. I keep it nice but basic.
The bo Bayom, I had catered in a hall but only the basic package, absolutely no upgrades
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amother
Cognac
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Tue, Feb 07 2023, 11:02 am
| amother Bisque wrote: | | You did read in my first post where I clearly said right at the start that I wrote my post before I realized it was in the Lakewood section, right? |
I wasn't trying to attack you. Yes, I did see that, but then you continued to comment, which is why I replied to your second post, not your first.
Regardless, some of your cost saving measures are circumstantial. If you have friends who cooked for your event, then it doesn't prove that you can make an event for $500 for 75 boys. It proves that you have good friends who were glad to donate their food and labor to your event. If you have a very small family, that doesn't help those with bigger immediate families save money. The tone of your posts make it sound like everyone can do what you did if they try hard enough. Without outside donations there is no way to make a proper meal for 75 boys for $500 anywhere in Lakewood. Even if you cook yourself which would mean you can't use most halls for your event.
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amother
Cognac
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Tue, Feb 07 2023, 11:04 am
| amother Cognac wrote: | I wasn't trying to attack you. Yes, I did see that, but then you continued to comment, which is why I replied to your second post, not your first.
Regardless, some of your cost saving measures are circumstantial. If you have friends who cooked for your event, then it doesn't prove that you can make an event for $500 for 75 boys. It proves that you have good friends who were glad to donate their food and labor to your event. If you have a very small family, that doesn't help those with bigger immediate families save money. The tone of your posts make it sound like everyone can do what you did if they try hard enough. Without outside donations there is no way to make a proper meal for 75 boys for $500 anywhere in Lakewood. Even if you cook yourself which would mean you can't use most halls for your event. |
Sorry, I mixed up some details with the other poster who quoted her out of town costs. I mixed your two examples together.
Point is the same though since I wasn't talking to you in specific, just mentioning in general that OOT is not going to help Lakewooders.
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