Urgent! Please help me find a yeshiva for my son

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:15 pm

Due to extenuating circumstances beyond my control, He never started 9th grade. He’s been home (learning with dh) since graduating 8th grade in June

Needs: warm, yeshivish, supportive, in Brooklyn or around so he can sleep at home- no out of town. Young energetic cool rebbes. He’s very put off by scary looking people with sagging faces and old school mentality and threats of going to gehenan if he doesn’t pay attention etc.

Issues: although he is very very smart, he has a very rudimentary experience with Gemara- he was in special Ed 4-8 grades for dyslexia that has BH been overcome so only learning skills were taught, no content was covered.

BH he’s not at risk or off the derech but he’s not super inspired (davening- I hope he actually does it and not just flips pages) and in the inyanim of yeshiva life as he wasn’t yet exposed to it in a age appropriate way, he’s more familiar with adult yeshiva life from hanging out with dh which is different than kids. he’s also not super social, may be an introvert. He currently has no friends, just some situational friends. He’s not into sports. He likes sports cars, extreme sports like atv riding and video editing. No interest in going to college- not the most motivated student in the world.

He’s a blank slate, imagine he went into a time bubble, and very impressionable- u put him with the right crowd, he’ll morph into it, in the wrong as well. I feel like being immersed in the right environment may impulse him and motivate him to blend in and be like the cool kids that learn on their free time as opposed to being in an environment where the cool kids are hanging out with girls, surfing on phones or smoking.

Catch 22: small supportive schools are code for at risk student population. I wouldn’t want him exposed or Influenced.

Dh ideal: mir

My sister seems to think that he’ll have a better chance to succeed in a tracked school. He can be in the lowest class and still belong to a good school as opposed to going to a small school where the boys are all on more or less the same low level and it’s a joke/get paid to pray incentive type. So maybe mir is doable?

Options looked at so far:
Nesivos Chaim- they have 3 boys in 9-10 grade together and therefore they’re closing at the end of the year or next year leaving us back in square one
Lev Torah- Sephardic. it’s small. It’s supportive. They could take him but they’re nervous about ruining him spiritually with the crowd they have. At least they were honest
Yeshiva kinyan Torah- same as lev Torah. Get paid to pray type
Mekor Chaim- small but too high Gemara level for him
Zuckers- didn’t want to see us based on the history I gave over the phone. I could push harder

I heard of

Ner Eliezer- small. Supportive. based on the way the boys on their website write, and the description of the boys they take (public school) it seems like not the right crowd

Ohr hatorah- Sephardic small. supportive. Families are 80% not shomer shabbos. Again not the right crowd

Rabbi Wallerstein- I need more info. I know they cater to at risk teens… are they not risky anymore by the time they get there?

Ptach was suggested but going back to special Ed when he graduated thinking he’s ready to mainstream will crush him.

If he were to entertain the idea of out of town:

Shaarei adirim in Chicago
Shaarei arazim in Monsey
Gaon Yaakov in Lakewood
Mekor hatorah in Lakewood
Seem to make sense but he refuses to go out of town…

Please help!

mha3484

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:19 pm

I live in Chicago shaarei adirim seems to have a real love hate thing going. I know people who either love it or hate it and no in-between. Its either one extreme or the other extreme. I would not send a kid away on the risk that your the side that has a bad experience.

If your open to dorming I heard fantastic things about Rupps yeshiva derech ha torah.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:34 pm

Quote:

If your open to dorming I heard fantastic things about Rupps yeshiva derech ha torah

I looked into this briefly for my son and heard the same.

The other schools I heard about to look into (although I really have no information) are Norfolk, Richmond, possibly Englewood

ETA: Rupp's yeshiva is in Chicago

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:34 pm

Where is that located?

amother

Plum

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:36 pm

I want to help you. I have unfortunately quite a bit of experience here. Are you willing to out yourself irl? I would choose one trusted poster/mod to give you my cell # info. I think talking on the phone would be best way.

The dyslexia, the not proactively motivated, the good child not at risk, a few of the yeshiva s you listed and my children are a little older than yours but not too much older.

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:40 pm

Please call Rabbi Strauss in lakewood. For free he will tell you which place(s) you should try to get him into. You have too many options on your own. He does this all the time and really knows all type boys and mesivtas. It’s really not good that he is home all day. Ask rabbi Strauss what he thinks of Englewood (Yeshiva ohr simcha)for your son.

amother

Buttercup

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:44 pm

What about trying more modern schools like MTA, DRS, Rambam, etc.

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:47 pm

amother Plum wrote:

Yea I’m willing to speak on the phone. I sooo appreciate ur willingness to help!
How does it work?

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:48 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

I spoke to him. He said Nesivos Chaim…
We also met w Rabbi Halpert. He wasn’t too helpful cuz he went out of town. Waiting to renew the kesher to see how he can help upon his return. He also said it’s complicated…

amother

Plum

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yea I’m willing to speak on the phone. I sooo appreciate ur willingness to help!
How does it work?

I will pm with someone and let you know,

watergirl

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 12:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yea I’m willing to speak on the phone. I sooo appreciate ur willingness to help!
How does it work?

I am a mod. If you both trust me, please feel free to pm me your names and phone numbers and I am happy to exchange for you.

amother

Plum

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 1:01 pm

Thank you watergirl!

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 1:18 pm

I would tell you to seriously consider out of town no matter what your son says
It can be life changing for him if he’s in the right place
Don’t just write off all out of town options if an expert recommended

mha3484

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 1:24 pm

My friend has her son in Toras Chaim in baltimore and is very very happy. She said its very into the whole child.

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:44 pm

amother Plum wrote:

Thank you watergirl!

Lets pm watergirl and exchange contact.

Done

amother

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:50 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

I’m at the point where I want to look into it, as much as I was against it for emotional reasons I think the benefits with potential to risk definitely outweighs being home but I’m not sure (he has been depressed before, not clinically where he needed meds but enough to need me to get him out of the rut with motherly tlc) I’m scared that having him away would make me miss the signs of something were to arise. Also for the reasons stated above, if he were to be hanging out with the wrong crowd and doing dangerous things, I wouldn’t be able to pick up on it either on time.

Aside from basically forcing Ds if it comes to it, Husband would also need to be on board. He is adamantly against it as he was taught by his Rav who often speaks about it and repeats it over and over again how boys need to sleep at home every night. So it’s not so easy for me to just send him

amother

Clematis

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:52 pm

From someone who made the mistake:

Do everything in your power to keep your older child in a mainstream environment. I'm specifically talking about older kids not young kids till 1st or 2nd grade. Special ed services in the frum community are heavily utilized by very very extreme cases and its a difficult environment to find success in older children. It is WAY better to be in a regular environment with support.

bsy

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:58 pm

Maybe Bayonne?

naturalmom5

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 3:03 pm

seems like Neemis HaTorah would be a good fit
But its in Baltimore

Good Luck

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Feb 08 2023, 3:21 pm

Besides finding the right place for your son, I'm worried about getting him accepted if you're planning to try to get him in mid-year. I had a teenage son who switched to a new yeshiva in high school and it was a disaster.

We identified several places that seemed like much better fits, but most of them wouldn't even talk to us mid-year, not wanting to rock the boat with class stability in the middle of a school year. You can definitely try, but it may end up being more realistic to get him accepted to a place for next year and keep him home until then, trying to tutor and bring him up as much as possible learningwise and socially in the interim.