S/o why are people so rude? Peds recommendation

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> New York related Inquiries

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amother

Mon, Feb 13 2023, 10:43 pm

If someone asks for a recommendation and another individual recommends someone you don’t like - keep your mouth shut! You don’t need to bad mouth people unnecessarily, it’s complete lashon hara. If you didn’t have a good experience with a doctor, lawyer, or accountant, bad mouthing them publicly is just wrong. If they caused pikuach nefesh, obviously that’s different, but if you just didn’t like someone mannerisms, let the person asking for a recommendation make their own judgement calls by trying these people out. You have no idea whether the wife, child, or mother of the person your bad mouthing is on this site and reading it. You have no idea if the person you’re bad mouthing can easily google it. Shut up.

NechaMom

Mon, Feb 13 2023, 10:55 pm

It probably is lashon hora and so are all threads asking about frum owned companies, stores, service businesses, doctors, therapists.
What would be the point of asking if only positive replies are allowed? Everyone gets 5 stars unless it’s pikuach nefesh?
I do wonder what the Halacha is but reviews sure don’t work like that in the outside world.
If it’s LH then most inquiry threads need to be banned.

amother

Mon, Feb 13 2023, 10:56 pm

NechaMom wrote:

It’s one thing to say “I didn’t have a positive experience and don’t recommend” vs someone saying “no. He doesn’t even know his name”. That’s just rude and horrible. There’s an appropriate way to not recommend something but being straight rude isn’t necessary. It’s extremely hurtful to people who know the individual being spoken about.

NechaMom

Mon, Feb 13 2023, 11:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

Oh definitely. That’s horribly worded.
My question still stands though.
Are you allowed to say on a public forum that “I didn’t have a good experience and don’t recommend”? It’s not like the person with the bad experience was asked personally. She could have just ignored.
I’m not sure what the halachos are.
I guess imamother wasn’t up yet when the Chofetz Chaim published his work.

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, Feb 13 2023, 11:24 pm

You are probably only allowed to PM the negative information to the person making the decision about whether to use that professional or company.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Feb 13 2023, 11:26 pm

I disagree. If someone is asking for reviews they want to hear both the positive and negative to make an informed decision. Of course it should be done in a respectful and objective manner, but I don't think it's rude to give an honest assessment.

amother

Lightyellow

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 1:33 am

https://segulah4singles.com/audio/ lesson75

NechaMom

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 1:45 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

https://segulah4singles.com/audio/ lesson75

Thank you.
So according to this it’s assur to post negative reviews online about Jewish owned businesses.
Then he continues to say that you’re allowed to read the reviews and be choshesh (though you’re not allowed to believe).
How can you read if you’re not allowed to post? Who posted them? Non Jewish customers? Confusing...

amother

White

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 4:15 am

I think the best option is to ask for private replies. The problem is that the op may be looking for something sensitive like a couples therapist and would like to remain anonymous. In that case, I think a helpful response would be something like, "My experience was not positive. Feel free to reach out to me privately. " That way others will be warned, but no one's reputation is really ruined.

amother

Hibiscus

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 8:40 am

amother White wrote:

I think a better option would be to set up an anonymous email address for replies. To reply in the negative publicly is still problematic.

Ema of 5

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 8:48 am

amother Hibiscus wrote:

You are probably only allowed to PM the negative information to the person making the decision about whether to use that professional or company.

How does that work when everyone is amother?

amother

Hibiscus

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 9:06 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

How does that work when everyone is amother?

See my post right before yours.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 11:57 am

amother Hibiscus wrote:

You are probably only allowed to PM the negative information to the person making the decision about whether to use that professional or company.

I dont understand how this makes it any different.
"I am looking for recommendations for XYZ. All positive comments post here, but all loshon hora you can email me privately."
"So then I got many of recommendations about comments about Dr ABC, but got a ton of bad comments emailed to me..."

When someone asks for a recommendation, they mean who do you recommend. If you don't have anything nice to say about them, keep your mouth shut. Reviews of any business or doctor you can already find online. If you have something bad to say that will positively help people - post that review online.

amother

Hibiscus

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 12:01 pm

amother Ruby wrote:

Of course it's different. If someone is looking into using a product or service and you had a bad experience that is likely to also affect them, you should tell them. They are entitled to know. It is not LH to tell them privately, it's letoeles.

But to post it publicly is LH. No one else needs to know.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 12:08 pm

It's true.
I saw s/o posted about a therapist I know and everyone was going on about what a horrible person and therapist she is.
I know her well and I was shocked and honestly did not need to know that, I wasn't using her as a therapist.

amother

Starflower

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 2:12 pm

You know the best way to avoid reading all that LH? Don’t open those threads. If thread titles say specifically that they’re looking for recommendations, only relevant people (those with recommendations or those also looking) should be opening those threads.

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