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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names
Don't care for name dh cares deeply about
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:27 am
I'm sure this thread has been done many times but didn't expect it to happen to me... especially since I thought in general dh is the type to be more into modern names and one of the things I don't love about this name is that it's very ches-y and I like things easier to pronounce.

I was going to keep the gender a surprise but now I'm thinking I want to kill the surprise just to know whether I should worry about this. The other gender we have a name we easily agree on (close beloved relative whose name is also meaningful and sounds nice to both of us.)

I feel like I'd need to give in on this because the other gender name is from my side. We're unlikely to have more than one more kid after this so if I need that one to be "mine" then it would be selfish to push for this one too. Of course we can't know if we'll get that next baby at all. But also I don't have a different name I'm passionate about - I just really don't love this one.

There's no trauma association or anything dramatic BH. I just find the sound very blah and the meaning doesn't talk to me either. Plus the multiple ches thing. It's already two names so I wouldn't add another and both names are equally blah to me.

Wah.
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amother
NeonBlue


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:33 am
Would you be comfortable posting it and maybe the good ladies here can brainstorm nicknames/variations?
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amother
Cornsilk


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:41 am
If it's just blah and not ugly and offensive, use it. Come up with a nickname if you prefer. After a while, you will almost certainly associate the name with your child and love it by association.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:43 am
Too bad on you. He deserves a chance to choose a name. You don't hate it so use it.
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amother
Leaf


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 2:49 am
See how you feel further along the line. Names often grow on you. I've named my kids after family members and I wasn't that wowed by the name. Now I couldn't imagine my child as anything else. Also sometimes a different name comes to both of you and you're suddenly both loving the name. My sister claims she looked at her child in the delivery room and the name Simcha popped into her head. Even though they had other names originally in mind. And this is a perfect name for this child.
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amother
Tiffanyblue


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 5:48 am
I didn’t know the gender until my boy was born and had to rush to think of a name. Ended ip picking one that is kind of hard to say and more modern for our circles and it actually really bothers me. Everyone is always looking a bit confused after we say her name and they’ll be like “oh you mean x”, x being a nickname my community usually uses for that name which I hate.

There is a chance you’ll still be bothered by this long term.
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amother
NeonOrange


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 7:40 am
I chose a name that meant something to DH that didn’t feel great to me since I had someone very in my life with that name already. DH always leaves it up to me to decide to the name. So I chose the one that would mean a lot to him

I got so many compliments on the name. And now I love that name so much because it’s associated with my child.

Sometimes you just do what’s right (right to give that to your husband) and you learn to live and love it anyways.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 7:53 am
I named my oldest after a close relative on DH side.
In both our families usually the oldest is named after a relative of the mother.
It is not a common or “nice” name. I really did not like it. But DH was close to this person & it felt like the only way to go.
My child is now 12. I love the name. I have no regrets giving the name.
I know it provided so much comfort to my in laws & DH.
I see now it very special to have a child name after someone you were close with.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 8:11 am
Could it be a middle name?

I think it’s really important to at least like the name a little. It’s true that after a while the name and the baby become the same thing and usually the mother will “learn” to love the name. But in the beginning the name an important part of bonding with the baby, and I wouldn’t make it harder by choosing a name you dislike.

Bshaa Tova!
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 8:13 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
Could it be a middle name?

I think it’s really important to at least like the name a little. It’s true that after a while the name and the baby become the same thing and usually the mother will “learn” to love the name. But in the beginning the name an important part of bonding with the baby, and I wouldn’t make it harder by choosing a name you dislike.

Bshaa Tova!

It's already two names, plenty of syllables, and I don't believe in piling on names and not using them.

I bet it'll grow on me. Just needed to vent and get some chizzuk here.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 8:17 am
amother NeonBlue wrote:
Would you be comfortable posting it and maybe the good ladies here can brainstorm nicknames/variations?

I don't want to share because it could end up outing me if we use the name in the next few months... but all the known nicknames for these names I don't love either and they also keep at least one ches. I can't think of anything that wouldn't. They're biblical character names so there's no just translation like I know people who have done Golda to Zehava, Shprintza to Tikvah, I think one of these names translates to an animal (not a normal animal like Berel to Dov) and the other just doesn't have a translation. Not happening.
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amother
Molasses


 

Post Tue, Feb 21 2023, 9:26 am
We had this. My husband’sRebbe had the same name as my brother who was not such a great person and passed away young and had many unpleasant memories. We ended up using it as a 2nd name which we never call him.
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amother
Zinnia


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 5:00 am
It's hard to give a name you don't like so much.
But it sounds like it really means a lot to your husband.
And hopefully you will also use the name from your side with the next child, please Gd.
I have a son named for my husband's grandfather, with a name I never would have chosen otherwise. Now that it is associated with my son, it is hard to remember what bothered me about it ...
Also, in your case I would probably come up with a creative nickname that sounds good to you (and is easier to pronouce).
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 6:14 am
amother Burlywood wrote:
Too bad on you. He deserves a chance to choose a name. You don't hate it so use it.


Too bad on you, pregnant mother, anon ima decided your DH gets to name your child even if you vetoed it. lol.

I've never heard of one parent gets to pick a name. I have heard of one side gets to name after a relative and then the other side, but that's a very different thing.

In my opinion, if it's not to name after someone and you don't both love it, it goes off the name list. There are a gazillion names out there. If there's no otherwise compelling reason to use a name and a spouse doesn't like it, find a different name. Both parents should love the name.

(Of course if one partner wants to name after someone and the other doesn't love it, the one who doesn't love it should give consideration to the fact that it's after a relative. But I think this situation is different.)
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amother
Wallflower


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 6:23 am
We took turns- unless one of us had a chiyuv or the other didn’t have a name to give. The bottom line rule was that the other spouse had to like the name being proposed. I’m still not thrilled about the first name he chose- but it’s our daughter’s name now, and it has grown on me over the years.

I’ll be honest that I don’t understand why ‘ches-y’ is a reason not to like a name, but then I have two names and each one has a ches. A Jewish name (I feel) is meaningful, and should not be chosen with an eye to the outside world. I know plenty of people (Jewish and not) with difficult to pronounce names who have chosen their own nickname, or outside name to help them get along in society, even if has no bearing on what their birth certificate says.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 7:22 am
WhatFor wrote:
Too bad on you, pregnant mother, anon ima decided your DH gets to name your child even if you vetoed it. lol.

I've never heard of one parent gets to pick a name. I have heard of one side gets to name after a relative and then the other side, but that's a very different thing.

In my opinion, if it's not to name after someone and you don't both love it, it goes off the name list. There are a gazillion names out there. If there's no otherwise compelling reason to use a name and a spouse doesn't like it, find a different name. Both parents should love the name.

(Of course if one partner wants to name after someone and the other doesn't love it, the one who doesn't love it should give consideration to the fact that it's after a relative. But I think this situation is different.)

It is to name after someone. If not, dh would totally be favoring more modern/simpler names, that's his style and why this caught me by surprise. He feels this was a good person and I think had no descendents of their own (it's an older relative of his but not direct grandparent.) I also have someone who fits that description but since I have even stronger feelings about the name for the other gender (my own parent) I am not going to push this one... only pray that the baby is my parent's gender, we don't know yet and weren't planning to find out before birth which is still iyh quite a long way off.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 7:23 am
amother Wallflower wrote:
We took turns- unless one of us had a chiyuv or the other didn’t have a name to give. The bottom line rule was that the other spouse had to like the name being proposed. I’m still not thrilled about the first name he chose- but it’s our daughter’s name now, and it has grown on me over the years.

I’ll be honest that I don’t understand why ‘ches-y’ is a reason not to like a name, but then I have two names and each one has a ches. A Jewish name (I feel) is meaningful, and should not be chosen with an eye to the outside world. I know plenty of people (Jewish and not) with difficult to pronounce names who have chosen their own nickname, or outside name to help them get along in society, even if has no bearing on what their birth certificate says.

It's just a personal taste thing. But in general, not just because of the chesses, I just don't care for the name. Don't hate it but it sounds very very blah to me.
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amother
PlumPink


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 7:38 am
If I were you I’d find out the gender.

Having said that, I gave a name I wasn’t crazy about because it meant a lot to my husband. I felt like it was so common and I really wanted to add a name that made sense for the time of year but my husband was against the idea because the name alone meant a lot to him. still slightly annoyed with not having added another name, but this name fits this child and I can’t imagine him being anything else.

If you don’t absolutely hate it, go for it. Shalom is worth so much more than that perfect name you really love.
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amother
Thistle


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 9:16 am
Same situation just tables twisted...my grandfather passed away this year,he was really old...I want my kid to be named after him but my husband doesn't like the name...never mind he has 2 names and I gave him cute nicknames he can use...he thinks the names are to mature....

I told my hub he has 7 more months to calm himself because this is the name were gonna use (we already named our kids after both his parents fathers) and it doesn't make sense to go back generations....time will tell
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amother
Blushpink


 

Post Tue, Feb 28 2023, 10:10 am
My husbands grandfather was nifter right before we started dating. When I was pregnant with my 1st, my husband was the only grandchild married at the time. I knew if I had a boy, we'd name after said grandfather. I didn't love the name, but don't believe in adding names when naming after people. I told my husband I'd be OK with naming after his grandfather on condition we came up with a nickname.

I did have a boy...20 years later he still goes by his nickname. Other than my father-in-law and a couple rabbaim over the years in yeshiva, nobody calls him by his real name.
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