Drama at the pediatrician

amother

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 2:00 am

A mother with her teen daughter was in the waiting room, probably for an annual physical. Receptionist was telling her she needs to register via MyChart, per the new office procedure. They had just told me the same thing. The lady made the biggest scene about how she is having none of it and it’s all a scheme to allow the kids to be exposed to propaganda from the doctor without the parents’ knowledge. I tried to tell her to calm down, advising her register her daughter using her (mom’s) email, her cellphone number, and then sign in and give permission for parent access (herself) but she was in such a hysterical tizzy, she was beyond talking to.
Her daughter is sitting right next to her and she will be in the exam room with her during the checkup. Her insurance will be billed for everything that comes up during the visit and potentially any future visits her daughter would have, as always. With the explanation of benefits mailed/emailed as always. Migrating to MyChart is a corporate decision by the practice. And seriously, the kid needing to give parent permission is a state thing. Please stop abusing the staff who have zero sway over these policies.

amother

Honeysuckle

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 2:03 am

I don’t blame the mom.
We’re all having meltdowns at different parts of our crazy new country that’s only getting crazier.
Insanity.

amother

Rose

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 2:04 am

She’s not abusing anyone you need to chill. And it is upsetting what the government is doing and she has a right to be upset about it.

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 2:14 am

The mom probably has some kind of mental disorder.

amother

Rose

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 2:16 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

The mom probably has some kind of mental disorder.

Really!?!? And you were able to diagnose this from the perception of the op? You are so amazing you should hair diagnose everyone on here. Unbelievable.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 2:58 am

This will shortly be moved to politics. Don't worry, the staff doesn't need protection from upset mothers, they can handle it.

seeker

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 2:59 am

amother Rose wrote:

She’s not abusing anyone you need to chill. And it is upsetting what the government is doing and she has a right to be upset about it.

Are you familiar with my chart? It's not a government thing and I can't think what's upsetting about it. Some of my doctors have been using it for years, it's just a way of streamlining things online. Like you can check in for your appointment, update address, and send messages to the doctor on your phone instead of all through the secretary on paper. What's disturbing?

amother

RosePink

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 3:14 am

Anything that streamlines medical care is good. I can't tell you how much more efficient my family's medical care is now that we live in Israel and almost any medical professional can pull up a whole history in an instant.

Also - sometimes teens have things they want to discuss with a doctor without mom in the room. It's not always about gender issues. Yes, it's hard to be excluded when you're paying and responsible for someone else's care, but seriously, can't you see a teenager wanting information from a doctor?

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 3:36 am

seeker wrote:

They were telling the mom that the dd, at her age, is the pne who registers for and uses mychart. It's a pretty crazy idea when yiu first hear about it- they're saying the teebns make the appointments, deal with the meds things, etc. Basically, they're under 18 but are supposed to be the ones responsible for their own medical things and need to give their parents permission to access it in order for the parents to do so.

Realistically, so many parents just run the account on their own using their own info. But the idea is hard enough. If it's the first time you've heard of it, it can be pretty difficult.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 3:40 am

amother RosePink wrote:

Teens should get time in with the dr withour the parent. But having your 14 year old have the ability to lock you out of their medical records when they need you to sign for them to be treated in a hospital is kind of insane. I have legal guardianship over and over-18 year old dc of mine with special needs. When I called our pharmacy system about his meds when he was 15, they said they needed his permission so they could talk to me. I explained the circumstances, and they said that they were sorry, but they still needed some communication from him. Eventually, they said that if we used the website and put his name in, nobody was checking who was actually typing.

Chickensoupprof

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 3:52 am

amother RosePink wrote:

I find it always weird that people here especially in the US are making such a fuzz about this and sorry being upset at the doctor or the receptionist is not the solution. In the rest of the world, this has been the practice for AGES. Also what about the government, US has no universal health care at all. When I was a teen I've been going to the doctor by myself. My mum was quite dominant about my health, she shlept me to do lots of things to behave more normally or to do more normally her question for help was 'how can my daughter be less autistic?'.
I wanted just to accept myself something she never did. So I wanted to discuss therapies myself with the doctor and yeah she got upset at that because the doctor couldn't share with her what I told him. My mum still gets upset if I go to a new therapy, for self-love or self-acceptance. She never went to a doctor herself and is in selfpity and finds her self stupid and dumb and I suffered immensely from that. Especially when I say 'Autism is my cancer it is a gross tumor I'm nothing better then that bloke who said he wsa chassidish and adopted 9 children and molested them... ' well she says the same about her self but then because she has a language and speech disorder.

I won't expose my child to a mentally weak mother who is always blaming herself etc. So yes when I was 16ish I wanted to change that and been in therapies and no I didn't want my mum to know because she won't understand that.
My mum even got upset when I was still at home that I went to a dietician to lose weight and demanded other food and I was already 21 by then still living at home (she is still a bit upset that I keep kosher)... She hates to lose control like that. But I find a good self-image (still need to work on it) and not having morbid obese (like my mum) more praiseworthy than trying to be heroic for never needing a doctor or something. She is a nice woman anyway but this is always weird. And if she is (to this day) kvetching that I'm always try to have help and therapies I said to her that I've suffered from her low self-image and her kvetching and that it was hard on me and she will reply 'well I'm stupid and dumb anyway'...

See everyone has their own story of why they want to be alone with a doctor when being a teen. This is one. Other things are: a daughter with a huge chest and her mother doesn't want to have her having surgery for a breast reduction but the daughter desperately wants it because she has lots of phiscially issues and just want to be able to talk about it. The doctor can maybe offer some physcial therapy.
Oh another thing, my non-Jewish classmate (I only had non-Jewish classmates) had endometriosis well she is diagnosed now... 13 years AFTER suffering immensely. Her mother also always demanded to go to her with the doctor and she wasn't allowed any treatments. The gyn who is an endometriosis specialst asked her why she wasn't on the pill as a teen and it was that her mother didn't allow it because she would turn in a sl-t and have s-x with everyone. The Gyn told her that the pill sometimes is sometimes a lifesaver for patients with endometriosis.

amother

RosePink

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 3:54 am

amother DarkYellow wrote:

That is difficult, but the system works in the vast majority of cases. I have power of attorney for an unwell relative. It's a hassle to get but it allows you to access records.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 4:26 am

amother RosePink wrote:

That is difficult, but the system works in the vast majority of cases. I have power of attorney for an unwell relative. It's a hassle to get but it allows you to access records.

I hear that. But why are teens able to keep their parents out of their medical issues if legally their parents will be responsible for everything medical, including signing permissions for surgeries the teen may request, and all will be covered under the parents' insurance or out of their pockets?

I recently had a dr tell me I should not let my 14 year old (different kid) have their meds in their room and take it independently, because it's a controlled substance (a stimulant) and I as the parent have to be responsible. But I need this dc's sign off to know they are taking it, and they certainly don't need my permission to take it. But I'm responsible for dc taking it responsibly.

amother

Carnation

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 5:15 am

Really messed up and a sad reflection of current reality. The more people push back against this insanity the better.

Historically in totalitarian states the kids belong to the state to the government. Parental rights and the family are the bulwark against totalitarianism.

Of course the push is packaged in a way in which it is touted as streamlining etc

Still the facts speak for themselves.

Parents locked out of a 12 year olds medical records…legally. Medical decisions made by 12 year olds. Without any parental oversight supervision or input.

People should be refusing to go along with this travesty.

And in the US and elsewhere kids can decide to change their gender and mutilate themselves with the backing of schools and doctors and kick the parents out of the entire process. Except for their responsibility to pay the medical bills etc R”L

Sounds like dystopian fiction. Welcome to 2023

amother

PlumPink

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 6:31 am

I live in Lakewood. No one- not the eye doctor, the dentist, my pediatrician will allow a child under 18 to show up in their office for any kind of appt without a responsible adult. NJ is a fairly liberal state too. My chart is great by the way- it’s the patient portal connected to Epic EMR and you can see every note, every lab, every diagnostic test result.

notshanarishona

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 6:40 am

If a child schedules an appointment independently, who is responsible for the bill?!! Presumably the parent so I don’t see in practice how any kid (unless they are on medicaid with no copays) can be scheduling appointments or doing things on their own.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 6:46 am

I'm more liberal than many of the posters here but I can tell you as a healthcare provider that what's happening these days with children's autonomy is scary.
I assume the pediatricians with large frum patient populations will be lagging in participation but sooner or later everyone will be affected.

watergirl

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 6:57 am

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

This will shortly be moved to politics. Don't worry, the staff doesn't need protection from upset mothers, they can handle it.

If people discuss only the topic without making political comments, it will stay where is. If people start to bring politics into this thread, then it will be locked and people can feel free to continue a political discussion in the proper forum. So this can serve as a reminder if needed for people to have self control and start a spinoff in the politics forum if they want to discuss it from that angle.

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 7:06 am

amother PlumPink wrote:

I live in Monsey. Bh my dentist, pediatrician and orthodontist will be my kids on their own. I'm not always able to take them or wait around for the appointment.

Some specialist have an online portal. I never "had" to use it, but it was helpful in getting the test results quickly.

amother

PlumPink

Sun, Feb 26 2023, 7:10 am

amother Hydrangea wrote:

It actually annoys me intensely. The dentist made us reschedule because I couldn’t be there for an appointment.