feeling restricted

amother

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 7:36 pm

bh I have 2 wonderful but very active kids and am pregnant w. nr 3.
recntly I have been feeling very stuck at home. every time we go out its a whole adventure and if I ever want to go anywhere myself I need to think 3 times if its worth finding and paying for a babysitter.
I find myself feeling resentlful of dh who comes and goes as he pleases and doesnt think twice abt it.
he obviously goes to work and minyan but he also goes for a walk when he feels like it, to learn, to play tennis, or barnes and noble. basically he is a free man and I feel tied down. I know im being a little dramatic here but does anyone else ever feel this way and what do you do to get out of this funk.
I know its my job and my avodah as an ima but sometimes I just dont want to do it anymore.

Helani

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 7:49 pm

I also felt like that at some point. I found that getting a babysitter on regular basis (even if it's couple of hours once a week) to do what I want to do made a big difference to me. Sometimes I just used it to nap, sometimes I would go to a bookstore and sit with a cup of tea and a book, or go shopping. But I think it was just the idea of knowing that I have that time to myself helped a lot.

yo'ma

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 7:50 pm

I sometimes feel like that, but I don't have it as extreme as you because my kids are in school except the baby. It happens to be today I wanted to get out, so I told my husband that I'm going for a walk (I did take the baby though). He knows that sometimes I need to air out too. Rolling Eyes

bebe3

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 7:54 pm

I agree with you 100% Sometimes I feel like a prisoner. Then at the end of the day when my husband is home and I can run out to go grocery shopping I am too tired to move. I get extremely resentful. But then somedays when I am on top of the game, the house is under control and the kids are behaving I have a much better day. I think feeling positive and negative emotions is what makes us human and not robots who were made to perform the same chores everyday. Its okay to sometimes feel upset, but just as long as its only sometimes, atleast thats the advice I give myself.

happymom

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:23 pm

I think its good to have a set babysitter once a week at least to come to your house even if its for an hour to do something you want to do. I am a sahm and I have a babysitter come very single wednesday night when and I go out with my husband. It really helps alot.

I also make sure to go out often with friends, or shopping, or something like that so I get out without my kids.

Last edited by happymom on Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:37 pm; edited 2 times in total

mc'cutie

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:27 pm

Here is my opinion, make a 'girls night out' once in a while and have your husband babysit. This way you won't think about having to pay a sitter. Even if its not often but trust me if you go out once or twice a month with your friends just shopping or eating, it will make a difference.

flowerpower

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:31 pm

Dh should give you about one hour a night once or twice a week so you should be able to go out and chill. If he can't then find a girl sitter to come once the kids are in bed. This way you won't feel guilty that you are leaving them behind.

zufriedene

Thu, Jun 26 2008, 9:48 am

your courageous for raising this topic, many of us are embarrased with guilty feleings and just suffer, U'll figure out what makes u function better as a mother and a wife, listen to your needs and to the su8gestions and hopefully you'll carry thru a healthy preg. such short intervals is overwhelming!

Pizza

Thu, Jun 26 2008, 10:46 am

When my kids were small, we did not live in the same city as either set of grandparents, therefore I did not have help with them. I had a very close friend who lived 5 minutes away by car. We would drop by each others homes (unannounced) and hang out for a few hours. The kids would keep each other semi-occupied, the dynamics were always better with other kiddies around, and we felt less isolated. We also did not feel that we had to get dressed nicely or clean up the house for one another. It was a definite life-saver for a number of years.

We would also go to the local JCC parenting center, even when there was no activity scheduled, just to play with the toys and use the gymboree room.

I used to take the kids to the largest supermarket I could think of, and let them run up and down the aisle I was shopping in. Also found a duck pond within 20 minutes of the house, would bring challah for the ducks, and other snacks for my kids. We could spend 1 1/2 hours there, the kids would be tired when we got home, and they didnt mess up the house or kill each other for the time we were out.

Whenever you take the kids out TAKE SNACKS. There is nothing crankier than a hungry kid (this holds true through the teen years). I would keep water bottles and crackers/rice cakes in the car for the times when I forgot, or decided spontaneously to take them somewhere.

I found that taking them out made me feel less isolated / restricted, and made them happier. It gave a highlight to the day. Try taking them to a mall. You just gotta make a deal with yourself that you are only going to spend xx amount, or that you are looking for something particular (I.e. a rubber spatula) and you wont get sucked into the rampant consumerism.

There are always some stores that are more child friendly for them to wander around, and you can have them do little races between here and the statue, or watch the water fountain, or buy them a bag of chips and let them think its the best thing in the world. Pet shops are great (keep your kids in the stroller!) as are dollar stores - you can buy them each one treat and then they are so excited to play with it when you get home, and when it breaks, no big deal - it was just a dollar.

Good luck. I miss those days, even tho when I was in the middle of them, I didnt understand why people kept telling me they missed those days... Very Happy