for those of you who have worked and stayed at home

yo'ma

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:12 pm

The hours I used to work depended on when my kids finished school. I used to take the baby w/ me until they could crawl and then they went to the babysitter. Whenever I had a day off, I was, yay!
Now, (not now because I got a part time job) whenever I have something to do, I say, yay. I don't like staying home. It's boring for me. There are just so many hours in the day to keep busy.
Oh, right, I was the most calm when I worked "full time".

mimivan

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:15 pm

I've been a SAHM and now I'm a WAHM...

As a SAHM, I found it difficult not to obsess about my kid's problems. Actually I was working then too, but I took mine in a stroller to work outside passing out flyers ( embarrassed

when I first made aliyah...yup, this is what I did...they were for frum programs, flyers for women only. Although I got harassed a few times, dh decided it was not tznius--so did I---and I stopped)

Anyway, I did have much longer time with my son...that was great..and not so much stress...but the lack of work stress made up for stress over not having any money (aside from a collel stipend and the pittance I made passing out flyers) and the baby did hear some arguments about money then embarrassed

But the amount of time I had with him was undeniably great..and no worries that he didn't like the bottle.

My becoming a WAHM kind of developed over time, so now b'h I have a full time job. I like it, but I need to de-stress before my kids come home. I have a very time-constrained job with lots of little deadlines, so I really need a cup of tea and at least 10 minutes to kind of make the transition from being a worker to being a mommy. With a commute, this transition would be in place, but b'h I don't have to commute. I have to create that commute, otherwise, if I'm trying to deal with my kid when I have my "work cap" on rather than my "mommy cap" on, I can be impatient.

I also think having something else to do helps me to put my kids issues in perspective. It also helps me come up with practical solutions to problems (totals SAHMs can do this too...I think all mommies need something to develop their minds, even a bit of reading or learning when the kids are in bed)

I think being a WAHM seems like the best of both worlds, but it has its challenges...and is not always smooth.

montrealmommy

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:20 pm

I went to work soon after #1 was born and stayed home with #2 until she was almost 18mo. (at which point she wanted to go out like her big bro!). This time around I will see, as I now work from home (in the family biz) with very weird hours.

Each child had different circumstances and as such I acted differently. I would have to say overall for MY oersonality, a little work is best for me. When I was at home with dd, I did tons of volunteering and chessed work as it kept me occupied and I often had dd with me (or did things form home when she was napping) - but that is me.

I find amongst my friends, a little 'work' paid or otherwise but something with a commitment attached is the most beneficial as it links the mommy to an adult world and gets her out of only being a mommy which for many can be overwhelming.

Dandelion1

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 9:58 pm

it's interseting, I have thought of this question/comparison often-- with my first and second I was home until they were about 17 mo., and with my third I went back to work after about 6 weeks.

I work a pretty full day now but I cannot complain because I schedule around the kids school pick up and drop off. However, I will admit to feeling envious of the SAHMoms at times embarrassed

, when I see someone casually strolling with kids during the day.

Then I think to myself, wow, if I was an SAHM I would have so much time to focus on all the important home and kid related things that I want to do so badly. But you know, when I was at home, I was busy all the time, as I'm sure other SAHMs will say. Now, there are ways that I cut corners (in terms of my home responsibilities) because I am working out of the home, such as having cleaning help, making simpler dinners, letting the house go a little more... If I were at home, I would not allow myself to cut corners this way. I don't like to.

So I guess what I am saying is that I have realized that it's not that I was less busy or more relaxed when I was at home, because there were so many other things that I was doing during that time, things that I cannot manage now, but would really like to do.

I do enjoy my job very much. The thing about working that causes me stress is like mimivan was saying, the wearing two hats business. Having to divide myself between two completely different sets of responsibilities and expectations. And like I said, I would really like to be able to focus more completely on what needs to be done at home.

whatever

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 10:47 pm

Being a CAREER MAMA is my ultimate dream though it’s not working out for me. I worked full time up until my first was 20 months old then I was laid off and can’t seem to find a job since. I loved every moment of working ft as it allowed me to be very efficient at home. I knew there was no way out and everything had to be done on time. Nowadays my ironing pile for example can sit out for days as I keep on pushing it off because I can always do it later. Besides when I worked I felt like a women. I loved getting all dressed up in the morning and being around adults all day. As for patience to my kids I had the same back then as I have now. I do not regret a moment I did not spend with my son though I am happy for the time I have to spend with my daughter now. The best part is going to sleep at night and feeling fulfilled. Somehow I don’t consider taking care of my kids and house that much of an accomplishment.
Oh I can go on and on and on.

Dandelion1

Sun, Jun 22 2008, 11:10 pm

there are so many sides to this coin, and I guess it is all so based on personal abilities, preferences, proclivities, etc. I don't take my job for granted, I realize that this is a bracha as well. Like I said, I do enjoy it. BUT, I do love and crave the full focus on the household and childrelated responsibilities-- maybe because I grew up with a working mom, and always craved that life-- coming home to mom, rather than a babysitter, or later on the whole "latch-key" kid paradigm. I so so so didn't want that for my kids, and they do have me after school but I feel so divided at times and busy/ distracted/ overwhelmed.

chany1

Mon, Jun 30 2008, 7:51 pm

I was always working. Most of the time part time. I'm still trying to figure out this question myself. Right now I teach adults twice a week at night. Since this job is pretty new, this is very stressful.

A job always made me more organized. I always finish things in the morning before work. Whereas normaly these things would take a whole day. But right now I am enjoying a cup of coffee after the kids go. It is great to be home with my baby all day. He is number 7 but the first one not to go to a babysitter.

Everything has their own advantages.

Hatzlacha Raba

happymom

Mon, Jun 30 2008, 8:02 pm

The best part is going to sleep at night and feeling fulfilled. Somehow I don’t consider taking care of my kids and house that much of an accomplishment.

I hear u and understand you but if you try and imajine yourself 60 years from now looking back at your life, I think it can help you realize just how amazing taking care of your kids and home are! dont forget that everysingle thing u put into it, you will get out of it.
also, doing the things well at hjome and taking care of the kids well and with energy actually make you feel happy and energized. (well at least they do for me, but I can see why it would for otyhers too Wink