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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
No child care tonight & womens reading @ 9:30pm - sexist?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:18 pm
shul doesn't have child care / babysitting tonight for the megilah reading and is having a women's reading at 9:30pm? is this sexist and offensive? I've got a baby and I get woken up at 4am every night they expect me go back out at 9:30pm for the megillah reading after the men already had their reading, had their fun breakfast buffet, socialized and danced, etc.? women have to fast but don't even get to partake in the breakfast buffet?
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:20 pm
Um, no.

My shul which is pretty MO and demonstrably not-zexist has the main reading at maariv tonight and then another shorter reading at 9p. Likewise tomorrow, they have the quick shacharis reading at ~7a and another one in the afternoon.

Also, I learned that particularly as a woman I can break my fast one's the time is done and do not have to wait for megillah at night.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:21 pm
Uh seriously?

Or Purim joke

cant tell

the whole point of women's readings is that the parents can switch off, so they can go...
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amother
Olive


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:23 pm
So you go to the early laining and your husband can go to the late one. Whatever works best for you and your family.

I know it's not easy getting out with little ones. Some mothers will say they would rather break the fast quietly and put the kids to sleep before going out to hear megillah. There's no single system that works for everyone.
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Phoebe31




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:24 pm
Why isnt your husband home to watch your baby/kids at 9:30? It is not the shul's job to provide childcare.
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amother
Amber


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:25 pm
Nothing sxist about coparenting. Or about hiring a babysitter on your own.
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amother
Dill


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:26 pm
Can you not go to the regular reading like your husband?
Our shul has multiple readings, which both men and women are welcome to attend.
Go to the early one and make him wait for the late one.
Ask a friend to watch your kids while you both go to the main one.
Hire a babysitter.
Organize groups/babysitting/childcare yourself for the community.

Whose responsibility do you think it is.

My shul used to not believe in a second reading or shy Zach or. The rabbi felt it was important for everyone to be there for davening, not just Zachor and it was challenging, but you figured something out. Sometimes I arranged childcare, sometimes I walked to a different shul who had an afternoon feeding, sometimes DH or I had to go to Haskamah.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:28 pm
Phoebe31 wrote:
Why isnt your husband home to watch your baby/kids at 9:30? It is not the shul's job to provide childcare.


I think you missed the point. lots of shuls have child care at the main reading after maariv so the whole family -- men, women, kids old enough to hear megilah -- can go together and all hear megilah, eat the breakfast, and socialize.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:29 pm
No, it’s not. Stop reading into things that have no malicious message.
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amother
Aconite


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:30 pm
You live somewhere that there’s only one ladies Megillah laining?
And as others said no this isn’t sexist. Sorry you’re upset. You sound tired.
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NechaMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:30 pm
amother OP wrote:
shul doesn't have child care / babysitting tonight for the megilah reading and is having a women's reading at 9:30pm? is this sexist and offensive? I've got a baby and I get woken up at 4am every night they expect me go back out at 9:30pm for the megillah reading after the men already had their reading, had their fun breakfast buffet, socialized and danced, etc.? women have to fast but don't even get to partake in the breakfast buffet?

I actually think it’s beautiful and caring of your shul to provide the service of an extra reading for women only so that you can go without kids while your DH babysits.
My shul only has the main one. No childcare. It’s not their job. So women and children hear with the men all at once. Makes it harder. I’m sure you can choose not to use that service and go to one with your baby at the regular time if you like that option better. My shul doesn’t provide a buffet either. I prepare that at home. Maybe they’ll give some juice and sponge cake just to break the fast. So your shul is really generous! Wow!
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Phoebe31




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:33 pm
amother OP wrote:
I think you missed the point. lots of shuls have child care at the main reading after maariv so the whole family -- men, women, kids old enough to hear megilah -- can go together and all hear megilah, eat the breakfast, and socialize.


I have never heard of this, most people I know want their kids to be sleeping by 9pm, the fun times happen Purim day.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:35 pm
SuperWify wrote:
No, it’s not. Stop reading into things that have no malicious message.


Sorry, I realized I was a bit harsh. I take it back.

You must be exhausted with a new baby (not sure why you’re fasting though) and overwhelmed with Purim scheduling. Hope you can figure it out!
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amother
Mocha


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 1:55 pm
amother OP wrote:
I think you missed the point. lots of shuls have child care at the main reading after maariv so the whole family -- men, women, kids old enough to hear megilah -- can go together and all hear megilah, eat the breakfast, and socialize.

If you are MO, then I think it is pretty normal to expect childcare at the earlier megillah reading, although maybe smaller congregations wouldn't be able to afford it.
If you are MO, it is also pretty normal to expect both readings to be open to men and women so that couples can decide for themselves which parent will go to the main reading and which parent will go to the smaller later reading.

Addendum: in my experience, MO rabbanim tend to be machmir on women fasting minor fasts, if the women are not pregnant, nursing, or ill. So a lot of women do fast.
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tryinghard




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 2:01 pm
I have never heard of childcare at Megilla reading. Sounds kinda genius actually! DH and I will be trading off. But I would never want childcare at the shul at 9pm!
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 2:09 pm
amother Mocha wrote:
If you are MO, then I think it is pretty normal to expect childcare at the earlier megillah reading, although maybe smaller congregations wouldn't be able to afford it.
If you are MO, it is also pretty normal to expect both readings to be open to men and women so that couples can decide for themselves which parent will go to the main reading and which parent will go to the smaller later reading.

Addendum: in my experience, MO rabbanim tend to be machmir on women fasting minor fasts, if the women are not pregnant, nursing, or ill. So a lot of women do fast.

This. I was a youth director for many years at MO shuls all over the country (me in some states and my husband in other states before we met - both of us did this in MO shuls!) and the MO shuls had a break-fast set up and child care during the one leining they had. The child care was a kid's program, full blown. But all the women fasted.

We are not MO, I do not fast on taanis esther, and now BH our kids are old enough to all go at the same time and sit through a regular leining. But before that, after our youth director days, we'd trade off. He'd go to the first leining and I'd catch another one later.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 2:12 pm
There have been years I went to first leining and husband went to second so I could go to bed.

Also ask around if someone's having an earlier second leining in their house.
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amother
Ultramarine


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 2:15 pm
amother OP wrote:
I think you missed the point. lots of shuls have child care at the main reading after maariv so the whole family -- men, women, kids old enough to hear megilah -- can go together and all hear megilah, eat the breakfast, and socialize.


Why aren't you going to those shuls?
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amother
Magnolia


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 2:16 pm
amother OP wrote:
I think you missed the point. lots of shuls have child care at the main reading after maariv so the whole family -- men, women, kids old enough to hear megilah -- can go together and all hear megilah, eat the breakfast, and socialize.
Are you complaining that your shul doesn’t have child care? So change shuls
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amother
Orange


 

Post Mon, Mar 06 2023, 2:16 pm
This year I have a baby so dh is going to shul reading and he’ll read for me afterwards at home,
In my community there are many people who read at home.
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