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I feel so alone

Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

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rivka schwartz

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 11:45 pm

I recently moved to a new community.. and I dont really know that many people yet.... and I had no one to give out mishloech manos out to.. I gave out like two... all around me was music and happiness but all I felt was sad and alone... I want to be happy also and enjoy the day! and then later on by the sueda I had just my elderly parents over and it was so quiet... no one got drunk or danced... we tried finding a fun purim party to crash but we dont really know anyone or have lots of friends... I feel like I missed out on the mitzva of being happy on purim... it was a really hard purim for me this year!

amother

Mayflower

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 11:50 pm

All beginnings are really hard. I bentsch you that by next year, you should be more integrated in your community, and that you should have many more friends!

Can you try joining a shul and becoming active there? Is there a neighborhood neshei? Can you offer to invite people over who might need to be hosted?

amother

Cantaloupe

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 12:04 am

I guess you are too far from your old community…
That’s really hard not to know anyone yet.
I live here for a long time and I’m not close with anyone. I’m friendly and neighborly with some people so that’s who I sent mm to but there was no exchange with any good friends. It’s been like that for a while. Dh is very outgoing, has chavrusas, business partners… he drives around to deliver, people come to him. After I packed each mm it hit me that’s it’s all for him. He also has a lot of siblings living nearby while I don’t have any in this city. At the end of the day it hurts that no one came over just for me.
One year dh wasn’t feeling well and didn’t go around giving mm. At the end of the day I was left with majority of what I prepared 😕.
We go to a Seuda with many people who are a lot younger than I am. My kids are older and didn’t even want to come this year (only one came along). Most of the women at the Purim Seuda are busy with their babies, toddlers… I really felt very lonely even though I was in a room full of people.
We should make a lonely people Purim gathering. It would probably be a large party…
I hope things get easier and you have a nicer Purim next year.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 12:11 am

Beginnings are rough. Especially on holidays like purim or chanukah where everyone is busy with friends and family and you notice the gap even more.

Next year give to all your neighbors. Even if you don’t really know them just give. It makes you feel part of it and you get to meet new people.

ra_mom

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 12:42 am

That sounds really hard! Loneliness really cuts deep.

Here's to hoping that you meet some great local people in the spring and a world of possibilities open up for you!

seeker

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 12:53 am

Hugs! A new community is really hard. When I moved I actually kept going back to the old neighborhood on Purim for a couple of years, a little over an hour's drive, I don't know if that's accessible for you. Hopefully by next year you'll know more people. You might need to be a little aggressive - maybe in your old place you only visited "friends" but in this place you might need to define friends as anyone who ever said hi to you. Fake it till you make it, you go to people's houses with a smile on your face and gush over their costumes and there's your purim spirit even if it doesn't seem as natural as it did with your old people. Pop in at the shul rabbi, their door is automatically open to everyone.

SG18

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:52 am

We moved right before Purim last year. We gave mishloach manot to two people we had met, the Rav of the community, our landlord, and the neighbors in our building.
Now, a year later, we exchanged with 10!!! real friends. It's incredible to look back and see what's changed in a year.
You'll get there, too.

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