How does Purim work around here regarding MM?

amother

Bisque

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 6:12 pm

Welcome to England!
We cancel out with relatives and friends. Although we do give dh's friends who are his chavrusas. So we give about 12 altogether
For chol teachers we join in the class mm.
We give the boys Rebbeim.
We give mine and dh's employees which is 1 each. The rest are non Jews, they get at Xmas time.
I give my Sunday morning helping girl.
My siblings and I send in a sandwich platter to my parents house. A paid thing including delivery, although I also try to give my own thing too.
We send to my in laws to London before purim with parcel power (we live in Manchester)
And we give 1 neighbour who we have the most to do with.
We typically don't spend all purim day in the car delivering, we have dances to go and see etc.
And the kids friends, that's the most challenging part!

little neshamala

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 6:43 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

When I read on this site about amothers preparing 40-50 mm of their own it's so foreign to me. I literally don't know anyone who gives so many. Maybe I just don't know alot of people though who knows!

Im one of those people who make 50 MM, aside for the kids ones. Before you think im crazy, hear me out lol. We have a handful that go to our close family and friends, and then the rest go to anyone who we feel we can strengthen our relationship with...the annoying guy in shul who keeps sitting in my husband's seat, the woman in shul who chew my ear off and seems desperate for attention, the neighbor who built a hugongous mansion who I feel resentful towards, the neighbor who I hardly know but seems nice, my friend's elderly parents who had to downsize and move neighborhoods and have been feeling lonely etc...so we do usually give out close to 50, and its the most wonderful feeling.

Funnily enough, every year we'll have 1 or 2 people come to us, who I would not have expected. And it gives such a warm fuzzy feeling when they do.

So I dont think we make so many because we're super popular and know so many people, we're just simple folk who love giving MM to the world Very Happy

amother

Bisque

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 6:54 pm

If I gave to every cousin of ours we'd literally be in the car all day, and possibly night!
We just don't do that here, it's not necessary! We know that we love each other, we don't need to see everyone and his mother on purim day. We get together for a chanukah party every year.
Plus chances are that we'll just miss each other anyway because they'll also be out delivering.
This kids friends are more important Smile

amother

Forsythia

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 6:55 pm

Hi OP please don't take it personally.

We give to Rav, a few close family (not all), older neighbours and childminder. Dont really do friends, maybe one if we pass by or bump into each other. Give about 10 total. Nothing fancy, some homemade goods and store bought maybe cost about £6 each (except Ravs thats more expensive) all presented nicely wrapped.

Nursery teachers (about 10!) we did joint with the class and they didn't have timings for the kids to visit so wasn't sure about giving separate.

Kids give about 10 each plus a few spares in case someone not on list gives.

We hardly ever get any in return. But thats fine, we don't give to get and are well used to it! We never have anything left on our doorstep (occasionally the kids do).

We've found since lockdown and the recent cost of living people have really tried to cut back. I think that's why people also do themes cos you can give much less and make it look cute without it costing the earth.

amother

Daffodil

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 7:00 pm

I live in London and prepared way too many, around 20. It was really cold and neither of us drive so I didn’t get to go to many ppl and am left with a few.

I do give back to whoever gives me, though!

amother

Forsythia

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 7:00 pm

Also, off topic
I never know
For your Rav are you meant to give money in the shlach monos?
We pay shul membership and he has a wage
But they always have timings to give mm and the men go in and have a lchaim etc

amother

Brass

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 7:40 pm

I have teachers, dayan, and only to my best friend. I usually also give all the neighbours in the block but recently moved to a house and have no Jewish neighbours so I didn't have anyone close enough to give to.

rachelli66

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 8:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

I knew someone was going to say this. But I actually know a lot of people and made a lot of friends here bh. I also live on a block with lots of frum people.

If you have made friends with some women, ask them how it works. Ask them in a few months, let it pass and bring up the conversation about how it was by your parents and growing up. They might be open and tell you. Maybe some families are trying to cut down on expenses.

amother

Antiquewhite

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:30 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for all your replies.

Each and every day I reminded of the new world I stepped into and the one I left behind.

I hope that for the most part you are finding us brits a decent bunch?

salt

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:32 am

amother OP wrote:

I don’t need people to knock on my door to feel good. The few people that came were greatly appreciated. But if I go out of my way to bring you MM I feel stupid when you say happy Purim and close the door.

(just saying I'm from the UK but now in Israel).
I usually knock on the door, give my MM, exchange a few words, and turn to walk away. So that they don't feel awkward if they don't have anything to return. They may or may not be planning on reciprocating, but either way, they may not have it ready.
If they do have something prepared, they'll stop me and say "wait a minute".
If they want, they'll come round later and bring.
But I don't mind if they don't.
40-50 is a lot to prepare.

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:43 am

amother Antiquewhite wrote:

I hope that for the most part you are finding us brits a decent bunch?

Lol. Very decent. People here are lovely as you say.

Just different. Mentality is worlds apart.

This was a good case in point. Americans are on a whole much more generous. With smiles, small talk, tips to teachers and yes, MM….

On the other hand, when I moved to England all the neighbors came to welcome us which was so nice. Never had that before!

Where I come from there a much greater emphasis in Gashmius. The simplicity of the English is something so refreshing for me. I love raising my kids without pressure. I love the fact that we have all types of Jews on one block rather than a much obvious separation between “boxes” in the states.

BH I have some English friends who clue me in but it’s much much harder to make friends with a true Brit than another immigrant like me (Israeli, French, American, Antwerpen ect). or a child of immigrants.

When we do break the ice they find me super refreshing.

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:44 am

salt wrote:

That’s what I did.

I prepared 20, not 50.

boysrus

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 8:44 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for all your replies.

Each and every day I reminded of the new world I stepped into and the one I left behind.

culture shock is a real thing. sometimes it can be painful. hang in there. you will get so used to it that one day when you go back 'home' you will think people are a little crazy and weird! sad but true. BTDT

amother

Sunflower

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:14 am

Oh, I am sorry. If your neighbours are nice in other ways I wouldn't take it personally.

I am guessing that areas might differ too... London to Manchester to GG to stamford hill..

I would be happy if people gave to my kids rather than me. I guess people assume the kids appreciate MM more than the adults?

I grew up in London but live somewhere else. People do super simple MM where I live and NO ONE gives my kids, who get sad that they get so little.

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:52 am

boysrus wrote:

This is so validating and true too! Thank you!

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:53 am

amother Sunflower wrote:

So strange I made my kids 25 each and they were all finished. Kah got so so many.