Am I wrong? Fight with dh re pesach. Update page 3

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:18 am

I signed up a while back for the flatbush community fund pesach assistance. We bH could afford to make pesach but extra $ would be helpful for groceries. We get a tuition break and dont splurge on vacations. However I do splurge on toys at times and dont have a budget I stick with. We both do work but don't make a lot of money. Dh is very upset. He said this fund is for the really poor. That I'm stealing tzedakah money. Thoughts?? Who is right?

amother

Beige

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:20 am

I'll repost here.
I don’t understand if you can afford pesach why did you sign up for help? Sure we can always all use extra money but it’s meant for people who can’t afford it

amother

Wine

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:32 am

I think its for the poor.
Do you have to be dirt poor that you cant afford basic groceries? no, but it does not sound like you are in the 'poor' category as you dont have much of a budget and splurge on toys etc.
Had you said you occasionally splurge on groceries like yogurt/cheese I would quicker understand than to say you splurge on toys.
Pesach has an effect on everyone's pocket.

All that said its hard to know where you are holding financially. Maybe toys are a bigger need for you than me. If you feel you really need it speak to those organizing it and ask them who they had in mind.

amother

Outerspace

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:32 am

If you bought everything yourself, what would you have to give up? If it's a necessity, then you take. If it's a luxury (and fancy clothing is a luxury, btw) then you don't.

amother

Rose

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:34 am

If you can afford pesach, why would you sign up for tzedakka? That's not right and you may be taking away from families that cannot afford yom tov.
Tzedakka is not here for us to help save money.
I think you should cancel.

amother

Stonewash

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:36 am

I would talk to a rav.
Personally as someone who struggles with month to month bills right now, is struggling to pay tuiton, and is terrified by the thought of paying for pesach, I would say that you shouldn't be ask for financial assistance if you could pay for pesach without it. We all can use extra money.

amother

Brickred

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:38 am

Why is this a question? If the fund is for ppl who cannot afford food for Pesach and you can afford, you're wrong to take money from them.

dankbar

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:40 am

Some distributions are for everyone funded by government. Some are sponsored by donors to help the poor. For some men, it's more about dignity than money.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:40 am

1. I can't imagine signing up for assistance without my husband knowing. I think this should be a joined decision.

2. Be upfront with the organization about your financial situation. Let them decide if it's for you or not.

Hoping that you should have easier times ahead...

amother

DarkGreen

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:46 am

I don't mean to derail the thread, but OP do you know if it's still possible to sign up for this year? We really need it this year unfortunately.
I didn't realize you had to sign up before purim...I thought they started after purim.

amother

PlumPink

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:51 am

Please ask you rabbi. We live very simply but are by no means dirt poor. I make too much for govt programs but thus cant always afford every single item we would want on our grocery list and we have a house full of broken furniture we cant afford to replace. Our rav gave us a large chunk of money on purim to make pesach and we were like but we are not poor and he was like you need this. Could be his outside perspective can tell you where you are actually holding. Both my kids are going through medical challenges right now and you bet I bought them a few toys over chicken during the week. You may qualify for this but esp if your husband doesnt agree, you need outside point of view.

amother

Blush

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:52 am

amother DarkGreen wrote:

Look on their website it looks like you can still sign up for pesach

lamplighter

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 10:47 am

Is it food that's from grants from the govt or is it privately funded tzedaka?
If it's the former than I don't think you need to be poor per se to benefit, it isn't income eligible and it's open to anyone, than you can decide to sign up as it's not taking from anyone else. It's a grey area and it comes down to need, your husband is clearly saying that he doesn't think you need it. I think you should respect his desire to not take hand outs.
If it's from the second category than it's a very clear NO. That money is tzedaka money and it's not for you.

HonesttoGod

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 10:49 am

What kind of fund is it? Because I voted you BUT - if it is a fund that is exclusively for poor then yeah your husband is right.
Pesach time there are many funds that are just available to help anyone and often these collection points have a ton of extras so in that case I don't see the issue.

amother

Beige

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 10:50 am

Looking at the site it asks to describe your situation, so they obviously don't have unlimited funds and it's for people that can't make pesach without it.

lamplighter

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:15 am

Can I give some unsolicited advice?

It seems like you and your DH are not on the same page with regard to finances. You think you should take hand outs but you splurge on toys and he thinks you should not take tzedaka and rather be more careful with spending. This fight may be more of a reflection of his issues with your spending habits and less about pesach.

Cheiny

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:57 am

amother OP wrote:

Your dh is. Extra money would be “helpful” for all of us but that doesn’t mean people should take it when there are really people out there who can’t afford food and I know people like that personally.

amother

Birch

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:59 am

Between DH and I, we have $205 in our bank account for the next month. No idea how thats going to buy pesach things let alone matza

You should not have signed up for the fund imho