So many different emotions going on here.

amother

Sat, Mar 11 2023, 2:50 pm

Today we were talking about how pesach vacation for my daughter starts on Rosh Chodesh, so she will have 2 weeks before pesach even starts. She then asked me "mommy, can you not work until after I turn 18"?
I just started working a full time job so this child will be home for two weeks having to find things to do. (yes, an only child, not young, but not 15 either) and then I get this insanely guilty feeling that I work. And its not even that I like my job. Its boring as heck, but we need the money.
Sigh, its so hard. I just hope and pray she doesnt resent me later on in life for working when she was still young. And I also get sad that I will never get these days back and that I am missing out on the time I could be spending with my one child.
Its so hard sometimes...

salt

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:45 am

It's very hard. I get guilty feelings the whole time.
Do her friend's mother's work? If they are all at home, it's even harder.

Here are a few ideas -

Can she be put in charge of a lot of pesach cleaning, given a ton of responsibility and trust, and be given a huge prize afterwards - buy her something that she really wants. That could be very rewarding for her, and it would keep her busy, and help you.
Does she have a friend who's in the same boat - they could do it together?

Do you work in a place that you could bring her with you to work one day - my kids even when they're older, LOVE coming with me to the office - they bring stuff to do - books to read, nosh to eat, games that they can play by themselves, etc, usually get bored of it after half a day, but at least they're happy that they've done it - it's fascinating for them to see where you spend your day.

Are your hours flexible? When my kids are on vacation, and they sleep in, I work from 7 - 2pm instead of 8:30 - 3:30. That way I'm home earlier. It depends on your job.

Good luck.

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 12:42 pm

salt wrote:

Yes, all of her friends mothers work, or at least the vast majority do.
About pesach cleaning, we have a small home. We only have food in the kitchen and dinning room. There is not really anything else to clean. It will take maybe 2 or 3 days, tops. And no, she does not have other friends in the same boat Sad

No, I cant bring her to work, that would be extremely boring for her. And no, my hours are not flexible Sad

amother

Ivory

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 12:59 pm

I'm divorced, has been always working full time, also have one child, so this is very familiar to me.
Is she a young teen? Can she volunteer or work at a pre-pesach camp if there are any in your neighborhood? Can she organize it with a few friends and older girls? Even for 2-3 days.
Work as a mother's helper, taking kids out to park/pizza store?
Go out to eat with a friend sometimes.
Can you take a day or half a day off to do something fun with her?
And don't worry about her feeling resentful when grown up. She'll understand you working was needed.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 1:02 pm

Highstrung wrote:

I worked in a preschool , subbing throughout that time so that each teacher got a few days off before Pesach. I kept busy , had fun and earned money during that time. After I did it once they called me back every year .

OP's daughter might be too young for that

groisamomma

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 1:14 pm

I'm assuming she's around high school age because vacation starts on Rosh Chodesh. If you're in Lakewood, the daycare centers here are desperate for upper elementary and high school girls to fill in before Pesach and they pay very well. Spark, Giggl, and Circle Time I know pay well and there are daycares in every neighborhood so transportation shouldn't be that hard.

(If it makes you feel better, we are all made to feel guilty for working. Dh says it's my job to work and the girls' job to make me feel guilty. 😄 We'd all love to be home with our teen daughters during Pesach vacation, gallavanting around town going for ice cream. You're in good company.)

amother

Melon

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 2:31 pm

I think there’s nothing wrong with telling her that you work to bring in Parnass, which enables so many things, as life costs money. You can also point out how fortunate you feel that you were able to be home for that many years, and while she was used to it, point out not everyone was and it was a huge bracha (full circle to the thread, on how to make children appreciative and not entitled).

I would be less inclined to leave her home alone, but then again, I don’t want to be by myself. Can she come to your office, and read a book? Does she have homework for regents that she can get a Headstart on? Can you give her two pesach cookbooks, and tell her to find some interesting recipes and let her go through them. An art project-needlepoint an matza cover or make a diamond art pesach wall hanging?
Can she be a babysitter, mother’s helper, or work in a preschool? Do you have any local family? Even if she helps her grandmother clean for Pesach one day or goes with her grandmother to ShopRite.

imaima

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 2:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why is my only thought that she can just as well clean for Pessach while you are at work? You can give her jobs…
I am not feeling any of your emotions:))

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:57 pm

groisamomma wrote:

I dont live in the usa.

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:01 pm

amother Melon wrote:

We live a few roads over from my parents so I already thankfully thought of having her help my parents prepare, clean, cook, whatever they need help with.
We are not in the usa, no regents and definitely no homework over pesach break.
She is ok being home alone, its just 2 full weeks of home alone time.
I will have her do some cleaning, but our home is not big and that will maybe take 2 days (we dont bring food any place eccept the kitchen and dinning room)
Im going to look into mothers helpering.

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:02 pm

imaima wrote:

Why is my only thought that she can just as well clean for Pessach while you are at work? You can give her jobs…
I am not feeling any of your emotions:))

If you are not feeling any of my emotions then I wonder why you felt the need to respond. I am feeling all of those emotions and so I posted looking for help/chizuk.

And yes, she can clean, but that will not take 2 weeks.

amother

Brass

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 7:56 pm

Can she be a mothers helper or babysitter for someone who has younger kids at home? She might even be able to earn some money that way.
What about running a club for some younger girls who might be home? Or maybe helping someone who is older, or a woman who is not working and happy to have her ‘help’ and spend time with her?
Sounds like a really challenging situation. You shouldn’t feel guilty for working.

salt

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:00 am

amother Brass wrote:

This.
So many mothers are probably looking for older kids to take out their kids.
If she likes that sort of thing.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 6:49 am

I think it's so sweet that she wants you to be with her. Sounds like she was looking forward to vacation with you and when she realized you'll be working she got disappointed. I'd just agree with her, "It would be really nice if I could be home with you. Shame it won't work out this time."

But I do know how you feel. I had to take off from working a few times over the last couple of years (Covid, maternity leave, some health issues) and each time my dd who's only 7 got really upset when I started again. She said she likes it better when I don't have work. I told her me, too.