Yom tov and guests

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Yom tov and guests

Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

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amother

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 2:16 pm

So we are alone for yt again.
I have 1 family of relatives local to us but they go away every yt either to other relatives or to hotels.

My husbands whole family live overseas and they each have big families with marrieds at this point so it's not type for us to join.

The past few years we have been alone every yt and it gets kind of boring. Sometimes I think what's the point of working so hard when every seuda just dissolves into fights and crying and same old. My kids say all their friends have family meals and guests etc and our yt is so boring.

My house is tiny so I can't invite sleeping over guests. I get very overwhelmed from cooking and I always have this thing that if we have guests everything had to be perfect for them, which it never is so I get cold feet and I don't invite anyone. Also the oast few years we have been really struggling and barely managing to make yt at all and sometimes needed to take out loans in order to get through it so it seemed silly to then invite guests. Then on yt itself it gets lonely and I wished I would have invited someone.

So now I decided I'm going to be brave and just invite. But I went through everyone I know and I realised we have noone to invite. Most people either go to family or have family over. Many people we know don't eat out at non-family. Another bunch of people go to hotels. The rest of the people would look at me like I have 2 heads if I invited them cos it would be so random. Then some I could never invite to my tiny falling apart house with disposable dishes and boring food. And there's noone left.

Not even sure what my point in posting this is

amother

Lilac

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 2:35 pm

There are always lonely people who would appreciate an invitation to a family meal, even if it is plain and boring.

Are there any singles away from family? Newly frum people?

Mention to your Rav and other community people that you'd like to host. I'm sure they'll have some ideas.

My grandparents hosted a Russian woman and her daughter for Pesach many years ago for several years when they were in a similar situation. Decades later, they no longer come, but they are very much a part of our family.

amother

Honey

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 2:37 pm

I relate

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 2:39 pm

I so relate. I also have a tiny falling apart house with disposable dishes and boring food. And guess what? We do have a few regulars. Older lonely types, divorced low maintenance types. There are so many lonely people in the world, and whatever else you may not have, you do have a family to share

cuffs

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 2:41 pm

Don’t think into too much, people are thrilled to get an invitation, worst thing that can happen is they’ll decline the invite

zaq

Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:40 pm

Go ahead and invite someone "random." If having a whole family, with one or two parents, is too much for you, surely there's an older single, widow/er, or divorce/e, or even a young BT or ger who would be grateful for an invite. If you don't know anyone, ask your rabbi or rebbetzin. Don't worry about having everything "perfect," because it's not about the food but the company. It's about not being alone all YT.

amother

Eggplant

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 6:49 pm

Hi-- just want to let you know that on the outside I look like your typical FFB NYer. However, as a teenager,/young adult , I had a very difficult relationship with my parents and I basically stayed away from home as much as possible. As a young single in college/in grad school/working professional, I would have been thrilled to have been invited to your home!

Fast forward to when I was newly married, and my husbands parents are divorced. While he has a very good relationship with MY parents, we don't like going to HIS parents because whichever parent we don't go to feels bad .... we can't win!

So basically, we've been making pesach since the first year we were married. So again, I would have been thrilled to have been invited to you. As long as you guys are basically nice, normal people, who try to make me feel welcome, I totally wouldn't have cared about the food or plastic plates.

ruchelbuckle

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 6:52 pm

zaq wrote:

Also, do you know anyone in your area who works in kiruv? Maybe local kiruv rabbis have some guests to send you. I know that many of the "official" kiruv families in my city go away or take a much needed break from guests and have their people who would love an invite.

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