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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling -> Seminary Info
Do seminaries disqualify someone who went to therapy?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:18 pm
Majority of seminary applications ask if the girl ever went to therapy.

Should one be honest or should they check off "no" as it'll disqualify the girl from being accepted?

How much does a seminary care if the girl went?

Does the seminary assume that you are not being truthful if you say "no" and ask your school directly if the girl has been?

(Of course I understand if its a non-Bais Yaakov type of seminary they may not care as much, but what about BY kind of places?)

On the one hand, we are hesitant to be honest for next years applications.
On the other hand, maybe the seminaries assume that someone isn't being honest so they always check in with the girl's school to find out.

Would so appreciate if anyone has anything to say, or if they have experience with sending their daughter who has been to therapy.
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amother
Bluebonnet


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:30 pm
Why is it the seminary's business?? I can't believe they ask this. Now I'm getting nervous for my 11th grader.
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Highstrung




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:33 pm
That’s a violating question. When I called my rav regarding a violating question on a school app he told me he can not give a heter to lie. He said either answer truthfully or leave it blank. I think I left it blank. We were accepted and they never asked about that question.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:34 pm
Don’t be honest. Unless it’s something like an eating disorder which you would want the sem to be on the lookout for a relapse or something like that.
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amother
Black


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:39 pm
amother Bluebonnet wrote:
Why is it the seminary's business?? I can't believe they ask this. Now I'm getting nervous for my 11th grader.


They are taking responsibility for your daughter for a year, overseas.
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amother
Iris


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:40 pm
I presume some girls will get a closer look from the aym bayit if it’s warranted. But I would never answer such a question excuse me
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Cressel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:43 pm
amother Bluebonnet wrote:
Why is it the seminary's business?? I can't believe they ask this. Now I'm getting nervous for my 11th grader.


Yes, it's so unfortunate! I've asked around and so far everyone that I've asked told me that almost all seminaries ask this question.

It's completely unfair.

If a girl avoids getting help for seminary purposes, than what kind of student will SHE make?
Better that she gets the necessary help.

Isn't is a good sign that she has enough self awareness to get the needed help?

Any girl who goes to therapy despite the extreme stigma deserves a badge of honor!! Not a rejection letter.
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amother
Black


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:45 pm
Cressel68 wrote:
Yes, it's so unfortunate! I've asked around and so far everyone that I've asked told me that almost all seminaries ask this question.

It's completely unfair.

If a girl avoids getting help for seminary purposes, than what kind of student will SHE make?
Better that she gets the necessary help.

Isn't is a good sign that she has enough self awareness to get the needed help?

Any girl who goes to therapy despite the extreme stigma deserves a badge of honor!! Not a rejection letter.


Are you sure it means instant rejection?
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:48 pm
It is 100% fair for a school to ask that, and if they are on any medication. The sem is going to be in charge of your child for an entire year. They need to know these things about your child.
And its never a good idea to lie. What would that be teaching your daughter?
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:51 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
It is 100% fair for a school to ask that, and if they are on any medication. The sem is going to be in charge of your child for an entire year. They need to know these things about your child.
And its never a good idea to lie. What would that be teaching your daughter?

It should be a question asked after acceptance.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:52 pm
How is it the business of the seminary to ask whether someone is inerapy. Many adolescents go to therapy especially in affluent families who can afford it.

If there is an actual medical issue like the need for medication that would be different. But that should be specified by having a question asking about medications that must be taken or chronic health conditions that need monitoring by a physician.

Eating disorders is also more of a medical issue for a school which will be housing a student. Honestly it would probably be a bit risky for a girl with an on-going eating disorder to go away as the condition could be exacerbated by stress; by pressure by other girls in the dorm - much disordered eating is *taught* by other girls who share tricks.

I am assuming the girl is not needing to be in therapy while in seminary.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:54 pm
amother Black wrote:
Are you sure it means instant rejection?


Not necessarily that its an instant rejection, but since most people aren't honest, that might overreact when they seldomly DO see someone write "yes".

They might assume too many things simply because they don't usually see it on an application.

But I could be wrong.

Does anyone have experience with sending their daughter to a top BY seminary while writing "yes" on the application?
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amother
Oak


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:59 pm
It’s none of their business. You can leave the question blank if you don’t feel right lying and writing no.
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amother
Black


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:03 pm
amother Periwinkle wrote:
How is it the business of the seminary to ask whether someone is inerapy. Many adolescents go to therapy especially in affluent families who can afford it.

If there is an actual medical issue like the need for medication that would be different. But that should be specified by having a question asking about medications that must be taken or chronic health conditions that need monitoring by a physician.

Eating disorders is also more of a medical issue for a school which will be housing a student. Honestly it would probably be a bit risky for a girl with an on-going eating disorder to go away as the condition could be exacerbated by stress; by pressure by other girls in the dorm - much disordered eating is *taught* by other girls who share tricks.

I am assuming the girl is not needing to be in therapy while in seminary.


I’m other words, the question, if answered’yes’ requires some additional information.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:09 pm
amother Black wrote:
I’m other words, the question, if answered’yes’ requires some additional information.
''==


Not sure that is what I meant.

I just don't understand how going to therapy in and of itself is the business of a seminary.

Why is it the business of the high school either? I went to therapy as a teen for mild "adjustment" issues and the school had nothing to do with it. I went after school to the psychologist.

If someone goes to therapy as an adult, then how is it the business of an employer to ask that question.

It is only relevant if the seminary would be required to oversee medication or physician visits in their status of in loco parentis. This would be true if the applicant had a physical ailment that needed on-going medication and testing.

When applying to college they don't ask about "therapy" and that is the same pool of 18 year old kids going away for the first time.
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amother
Black


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:18 pm
amother Periwinkle wrote:
''==


Not sure that is what I meant.

I just don't understand how going to therapy in and of itself is the business of a seminary.

Why is it the business of the high school either? I went to therapy as a teen for mild "adjustment" issues and the school had nothing to do with it. I went after school to the psychologist.

If someone goes to therapy as an adult, then how is it the business of an employer to ask that question.

It is only relevant if the seminary would be required to oversee medication or physician visits in their status of in loco parentis. This would be true if the applicant had a physical ailment that needed on-going medication and testing.

When applying to college they don't ask about "therapy" and that is the same pool of 18 year old kids going away for the first time.


Have you seen the questions for a college dorm application?

Anyway - if my 17/18 daughter was rooming with a girl who had been treated for antisocial behaviours, and the seminary was totally unaware, I’d be furious.

If I’m responsible for a group of girls at the seminary and one has been treated for suicidal ideation, but the seminary didn’t know, I’d be furious.

This is not saying those girls shouldn’t be accepted, but these things shouldn’t be hidden either.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:22 pm
amother Black wrote:
Have you seen the questions for a college dorm application?

Anyway - if my 17/18 daughter was rooming with a girl who had been treated for antisocial behaviours, and the seminary was totally unaware, I’d be furious.

If I’m responsible for a group of girls at the seminary and one has been treated for suicidal ideation, but the seminary didn’t know, I’d be furious.

This is not saying those girls shouldn’t be accepted, but these things shouldn’t be hidden either.


There’s no separate “application” for a dorm. You get into college, you’re (usually) guaranteed housing the first year.

The questions are to hopefully match you with a good roommate, not to exclude anyone on the basis of the answers.
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amother
Bellflower


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:27 pm
My DD has been in therapy. She applied to 3 seminaries. BH she was accepted into 2 and wait-listed on one. She got into her top choice. We felt we didn't want to be dishonest and then she would have to hide who she is or what she has gone through when she got there. If seminaries didn't want her than we were prepared to deal with that.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:31 pm
amother Black wrote:
Have you seen the questions for a college dorm application?

Anyway - if my 17/18 daughter was rooming with a girl who had been treated for antisocial behaviours, and the seminary was totally unaware, I’d be furious.

If I’m responsible for a group of girls at the seminary and one has been treated for suicidal ideation, but the seminary didn’t know, I’d be furious.

This is not saying those girls shouldn’t be accepted, but these things shouldn’t be hidden either.


Yes I have and not all colleges have questionnaires as some have random assignments.

But when they do they attempt to match based on social compatibility and not whether someone has been in therapy for any reason.

Regardless of the university, lifestyle questionnaires are usually used across the board. Ranging from 10 multiple-choice questions to several short-answer questions, these surveys attempt to gauge degree of substance use, social time, sleeping habits, cleanliness, and even room temperature preferences. Some questionnaires also match students with themed houses, like eco-friendly dorms for the environmentally conscience or “first-gen” dorms for first-generation college students. Each college offers something different and a lot of students overlook themed housing, but it can be a great way to meet people with similar goals or backgrounds.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:37 pm
I appreciate everyone who took time to write on my question.

Important to mention: I’m more interested in knowing if affects the girls acceptance than knowing if people think it’s a fair question or not.

Obviously it’s a very questionable question to ask (no pun intended LOL)
But what I wanna know is if it would disqualify her from getting accepted.

Does the seminary assume that you’re not being honest and ask your daughter’s school if she’s been or do they assume honesty?

How much do they care?
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