Boro Park - how do people do it?

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> New York related Inquiries

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amother

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:03 am

I just spent a Sunday doing pre-Pesach shopping in BP and I have so many questions…

How do people afford it? I see these beautifully put-together mothers with fancy strollers and many young children all in gorgeous matching outfits, leather shoes, etc.

What jobs do people have that affording that (and having the time to coordinate it all) are possible?

Here I am looking like a total schlump, working full time and having earned multiple degrees and with far fewer children (BH I’m so glad for what I have, but I wish I had the capacity for more but feel I couldn’t possibly) feeling like I’m too poor to maintain that level of fanciness and not a good enough parent to manage that many children, though I’d absolutely love to.

I’m in awe. Please explain to me. How do you do it? ( or where do you hide the poor, shabbily-dressed families of BP? LOL

)

Posting here rather than the “Respectfully Learning” forum just because I want to be anonymous, but I want to be clear I mean no disrespect and don’t want to invite bashing — I’m just genuinely in awe and so curious!

amother

Oak

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:09 am

Brace yourself for the answers. It won't be pretty.
In short - nothing to be envious of. Either their husbands have good businesses and they aren't working, so have all the time in the world to coordinate outfits, decorate their house, and prepare lavish meals. Or they're on many govt programs.
Oh, and shabbily dressed families of BP mostly don't shop on 13 Ave and don't prance around it on Sundays.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:12 am

Or they're working and making nice salaries and are very capable.
And the stress runs high. Not sure it's higher than for you but it is stressful.

When you'll live long enough in there you'll also be able to pull it off.

watergirl

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:16 am

From what I've read on here, the pressure in certain communities to conform to the style is so high, it's become a very real priority for those living in those places (not just BP). So those who can afford it, great and those who can not find a way to get those things anyway, I hope with minimal stress and minimal debt.

amother

Latte

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:20 am

The grandmothers of the babies usually buy the strollers. The women shop at the local stores - they have gorgeous things and not at crazy prices I usually buy 1-2 new things each season and many of them do work or their husbands have businesses or both. But I know plenty of others that aren’t as put together u just have to look closely

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:23 am

I live in bp. I work. Dh works.
I always look put together and up to date. I don't shop locally. I have a knack for finding the 'in' looking stuff in non-jewish stores or online/Ali.
My stroller-I got it for 50% off around Black Friday.
It's funny how tottini is just as packed as the expensive stores.

amother

Melon

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:29 am

How is it different than the Five Towns where everyone lives in 1 family homes so they dont have income towards mortgages, etc, and the casually dressed womens outfits may be more expensive than the BP outfits. Maybe the average family is smaller in the Five Towns, but tuitions are 4 times the cost of Chassidish tuitions, at least, so raising 2 or 3 kids with schools and camps, and pressures of vacations and kids extra curricular activities, may be WAY more expensive than what you see in BP.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:31 am

many people shop sale only from expensive stores for the following season.
that way you get the expensive boutique clothing for affordable prices.
thats not everyone, but a big percent.
others rather do quality clothing and wash 3 times a week, so they buy 3-4 expensive outfits and thats it.
and I guess others can afford it, or make it a priority. could be this is instead of therepy, and healthy/organic food/ and gym for them.
I personally like to buy 1 or 2 new season BP outfits per season which we use when going out and then for school cheaper ones. when your seeing people out shopping they are dressed in "sundays best" doesnt mean thats standard every day of the week.

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:35 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

I want to feel like I fit in and I need help finding stuff online. Did u buy anything recently and you can share links?

amother

Yolk

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:42 am

If you look closely a lot of it is tottini, kidichic... those stores aren't crazy expensive. I was actually talking to someone once who told me it's easier for her to find 3 outfits she likes and buy it in 8 sizes and not shop for 3x8 different ones.

amother

Yolk

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:44 am

amother Melon wrote:

Having lived in both the pressure in BP is to look put together but you can do that while shopping on aliexpress too. The pressure in five towns is to wear designer clothing and have fancy purses and cars and don't get me started on the mansions. Your average boro park family is living in an apartment. I'm not chassidish btw.

amother

Moccasin

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:50 am

Most people live in apartments, don’t have huge housing, tuition, medical, car or food expense. They can stop by the stores every day to return, browse, on the way home from their part time jobs. They buy only limited amount and take care of their stuff.

mfb

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:50 am

Even cheap outfits will look nice when it’s a few kids matching.
Also tuition in chassidish Yeshiva’s/schools are waaaaay cheaper than anywhere else.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 11:58 am

amother Oak wrote:

Jealousy at its best. I’m so sorry.

amother

Viola

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 12:03 pm

Here's what we don't do which might help explain things.

We don't do 20000 seminaries for our Daughters
We don't support our learning couples
We don't spend on landscaping
Our property taxes are cheaper
Everything is local so travel expenses are minimal
Most of our Chasidisha schools charge a joke for tuition
Our groceries are cheaper
Many of u run a 2 working parents household
Most of us do not shop clothing local
We don't own expensive gadgets and latest cars. Most of us own one basic vehicle.
The beautifully dressed people you saw live in tiny cheap apartments
Some choose to buy 1 expensive dress rather than 4 basic cheaper ones...
We rarely do restaurants I know I'm not speaking on behalf of all of bp but eating out in expensive local restaurants happen less than 1x in 2+ yrs.

My grandmother used to have a sweet yidish saying loosely translated as "if you don't understand something you don't know something". Like if you see a situation that doesn't make sense be aware that you're missing info. Nobody has it all an does it all. Its an illusion and woe is to those that try to parrot it.

amother

Lightgreen

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 12:25 pm

People dress up for shopping on Sunday on 13 ave.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 12:32 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

People dress up for shopping on Sunday on 13 ave.

No they don’t.

amother

Lightgreen

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 12:35 pm

amother

Natural

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 12:39 pm

As someone living in BP there are various different answers…
Some of them are…
I’ve come to realize that many people especially younger ones are living in the now. There is no savings for retirement or other big life events starting from when you’re young. All the money earned is for now.

Many BPers are from Hungarian decent, where looking good and classy is Uber important. It might not be so expensive but it’ll fit right with a matching bow, matching siblings all starched.

Many can afford it and prioritize to spend on clothes.

Many use coupons from before Pesach to make sure their kids look good, it’s a priority for shidduch I’m etc.

Many are schlumpy- you either missed them, or they’re not in the stores selling better clothes

Many have debt, but still make sure to fit the image.

Many fudge to some extent so they can be on certain govt programs and use the rest of the money for fashion.

Many actually don’t earn a lot, but since they qualify and the govt pays their tuition, housing, insurance, and food they use the money for fashion.

SuperWify

Mon, Mar 13 2023, 12:40 pm

I think they buy 2 nice weekday outfits in the winter and 1 nice Shabbos outfit. With everyone matching and the right accessories it could look really nice.

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